video; un: padlocks

[enblightened]

I have made my warning to a handful of you before, but there are many that I've yet to meet. And so, this is primarily to those who do not know me.

I am something to be wary of. 'Tis not meant as a threat, but a matter of what I am. Call it what you shall, be it a curse or condition, but the brand on my head is not for display only. Many would call me an abomination where I am from, and it is not far from the truth.

I fight back the instincts of a demon inside of me. I hold it back by whatever means I am able, with my will and the bonds I take with me. With years of practice, I am typically able to hold it back, but there can never be a promise of my willpower. If there comes a time in which this beast emerges and I transform, I do not expect mercy on my behalf.

I understand that there are some with a similar situation as myself, or that you have experienced enough horrors to be prepared for it. Making demands of a person is impossible, I know that, but I want to be clear that I am a thing to be careful with.

...Thank you for listening. Be well, friends and strangers alike.

Comments

[enblightened]

[In return, he does offer a smile. Though it is tired, it is still genuine.]

I can understand feeling the need to hide it from others. To be more accepted, less feared. However, I find that there is much trouble with not being more forthcoming, or at least it was true for me.

It is my hope you will find the ability to share more with others when you are ready to do so. But I will do everything I can to guide you.

[The offer makes him pause.]

So long as she would not oppose you sharing. I could see it being helpful on... more difficult occasions.

[possessum]

Yeah. ( Peter agrees quietly, with a little nod. More accepted, less feared. He still... hates the thought of anyone being afraid of him. But... )

...it's kind of like... I feel like people deserve to know. You know? That way they can stay away from me if they want to.

( Though he hasn't found the courage to address it publicly like this. He is starting to tell more people, slowly. )

She definitely wouldn't mind helping— but resources are kind of limited here, so she can't make a lot. I try to save mine for emergencies. ( Which leads Peter to another thought, and his brows knit a little. )

How often does yours uh... come out?

[enblightened]

That is much the same way that I feel. Though also mine is nothing more than a rabid beast driven by its own lust for violence and hunger. It cannot be reasoned with. As such, if it does emerge, I want others to know what they would be confronted with.

[He nods faintly.]

I understand. In any case, I have had time to mostly find ways to control this fiend. If you can spare anything, I will graciously accept, but do not feel as if you must, Peter.

Mm. I can... opt to transform at will, and control it for awhile. A useful thing if I were in battle. Otherwise, it doesn't usually emerge on its own. Tis harder during a moon so full, or worse if I am... more or less in danger.

[possessum]

( Can't be reasoned with... that's such a horrible thought. Paimon can..... certainly be violent, and brutal, but there are other sides to him, too, things Peter has learned about slowly, over time. Certain people have been able to reason with the strange lost entity locked within him, even if it still has his freakouts from time to time... )

It's definitely no problem. She would want to help; she's really good at that. And so do I— I can try to get some to you really soon.

( What he asks next is something he knows is a personal question, and he looks apologetic as he says it, hesitant and nervous and fingers fidgeting in his lap. )

Do you know if it's... aware of you? ....Angry with you? For trying to keep it controlled?

( This definitely seems a bit different from his own situation; he doesn't really transform into anything. If anything, Paimon's almost like... another personality, kind of. So Peter gently tries to learn more about Bigby's own relationship with his beast. )

[enblightened]

Then I thank you both for your immeasurable kindness.

[The sheer eagerness from so many to come to his aid is still startling, but he is no less grateful for it. It does give a little spark, almost something like hope.]

I doubt that it is so intelligent to have a sentiment outside of its rage and hunger in general, to be honest. If it feels anything for me, it is fury. I would describe it much like being trapped in a small room with a rabid, starved dog and I have only but a twig to defend myself with.

I do know that it wishes to be uncaged. That is... the one thing we agree on.