deernet | text; un: harbinger

[For the most part, the house is pretty well-stocked, but from some degree of personal experience he thinks perhaps it might do Ange some good to have a task to focus on instead of the whole "intense personal betrayal" situation, so instead of saying that they're probably good, he suggests--]

well we can't go wrong with more incense
there hasn't really been monster attacks as long or severe as back in deerington up to now so it's hard to say how much we'll need if we have to keep some lit constantly
also never hurts to have clean water stocked up just in case

I'll see if I can go get some.

[ While things still seem relatively quiet out there for now - other than the constant darkness, but that's more just a faint annoyance more than anything else. ]

If there are going to be some sort of monster attacks, it seems that it at least won't last the entire month. [ Because if there's something coming, it hasn't started yet, despite them already being a few days out into the new month now. ]

yeah i'll take whatever days free of literal blood rivers full of monsters we can get

[A beat of silence passes. Two. Then, another text:]

don't go alone

[He doesn't say this just because of her current state of mind; he wouldn't want any of the kids going out in the endless night alone, knowing what they know about how bad things can get. Even he's unsure about risking it despite his typical preferences.]

[ Ange's fingers end up hovering above the device for quite some time - mostly after that second text rolls in, and it forces her to think. Usually she'd just tell him that it'll be fine, and that she'll go with Ruby, but.. on the other hand, she thinks she's already worried and troubled the other girl enough with the state she was in for weeks last month. The state she still hasn't managed to fully snap out of.

On the other hand, her second idea also makes her a little hesitant. No matter how tough Ange acts, there's definitely still a little girl within her who's never quite sure how to deal with the adults she's decided to grant her trust, forever afraid of the sting of rejection she's felt so often.

Maybe it's because she's already been so emotional for weeks now, but she can feel her stomach forming knots as she writes the sentence and sends it. ]

Will you go with me then?

[While Ange hesitates and ponders over her message, Qrow's response is nearly immediate, after a brief moment of surprise:]

sure thing, kiddo

Edited 2022-04-24 22:14 (UTC)

I'll be by the front door in a few.

[ At least that's easier to send, though it still takes a few moments of trying to make herself look a little bit more representable and making sure she's got her gunsword with her in case they do run into something dangerous out there before she heads down the stairs towards the door.

If Qrow happens to be just a moment later, he'll get to see a rather new rare sight. Not the slight paleness of Ange's skin or the still visible dark circles under her eyes - those have been there for the past few weeks already, though they seem to be born more from mental exhaustion than corruption, thankfully - but the way the girl is standing there with closed eyes and balled up fists, mouthing words without actually speaking them, looking every bit like she's almost childishly trying to encourage herself for a moment or two.

It's only when she opens her eyes after said moment that she spots the man there, fluster moving across her face before she sucks in a breath. ]

Oh. Um. Thanks for being willing to come with me. [ She definitely seems a bit more meek than the usual, but even that hasn't been such a strange thing to see from Ange during the past while. At least it's been easier to not be so bothered by showing that relative meekness to the people she's close to here in the house. ]

[He does happen to arrive while she's standing there, encouraging herself, but makes no move to get her attention. Even politely pretends to be distracted by something off to the side until she calls out to him.

All the same, he does raise a slight eyebrow when she thanks him for being willing to come with her. He supposes he understands why she'd be especially insecure about the people that matter to her right about now, but he's not about to just let that comment stand. Which is to say, he steps forward and ruffles her hair that she just carefully made presentable. It's all messy now, no regrets.]

C'mon kiddo, you know you don't have to thank me for that kind of thing.

[He doesn't say we're family out loud, knowing this isn't the right time, but it is being Very Loudly Implied just about now.]

Let's go.

[ There goes her hair.

Ange doesn't seem to mind it though. In fact, it might be surprising that she doesn't even complain about him messing up her hair, even though she totally would have if she were in a normal mood. Maybe in this case the sense of closeness it brings totally outdoes any and all mess it might cause.

Because Ange isn't stupid. She can pick up on what he's trying to say here as it hangs heavily above the words he speaks and that slight action - and it's something she needs so much in this moment. When she had been thrown so heavily back into the memories of her dead family, any reminder of the fact that she still has one here is a good one.

So she follows him out without hesitation, making sure to walk right next to him as soon as they're out - though Ange's gaze travels up to look at the sky. ]

.. It really is dark out.

[ It's something she already saw from behind the windows, but this is the first time she's gone out of the house this month to see it in person like this, so she can't help but remark it. ]

I guess.. if this is going to be anything like October back in Deerington, then there will probably be a lot of corruption, huh? [ After all, this place does sometimes mess with them by throwing monsters at them.

But it seems to like it so much more to manipulate them from the inside. ]

It'll probably be good to all keep an eye on each other to try and stop that.

[They'll always be family. Even if her original one all washed up out of the sea tomorrow and she went to live with them instead, she'd still be his niece. It's not something he'd say out loud to her, because he has no intention of trying to replace the people she's lost, but it's what's in his heart in this moment. He could've been halfway across town and if she'd asked him to come he'd drop everything for her.]

Probably, yeah.

[Qrow isn't quite aware of it yet, but there's already been a low level of corruption simmering within him ever since they found Willow's corpse at the end of February, leaving him more impatient and aggressive than usual. Even so, he feels solid and untroubled right now, with a clear purpose and goal in sight.]

Helps that we'll all be in the same place from the start this time. And we know to stay inside as much as we can.

Edited 2022-04-27 22:35 (UTC)

Yeah.. [ Ange says, slowly agreeing.

It's true, after all. She thinks of her first October in Deerington, back when she was still all by herself. It was so utterly miserable that she almost contemplated dying, just to get away from it for a little bit - even if it did never last long in Deerington. But this time.. even if this month goes really badly, she'll be with all these people she cares about. She won't be alone.

It ought to make a difference. ]

I think those bonds really help too. If I didn't have the one I have with Ruby, then.. everything last month might have gone very differently. [ Without that soothing influence on her, who knows what might have happened? For all Ange knows, she could have hit the corruption ceiling right away when Sayo told her news that felt like it shattered her world, turning her into a monster on the spot.

She pauses, and then looks over at the man. ]

.. did you form one with her as well?

[ Ange could imagine that, especially with how protective Qrow is of Ruby. Their familial non-Trench-bond is already so strong that it's the bond Ange can imagine the other making the most, no matter how much of a private person Qrow seems to be in his own way. ]

Edited 2022-04-28 18:11 (UTC)

[Ah. Qrow pauses in his steps for a moment, not having anticipated the question. An arm comes up to rub at his neck as he looks off to the side, lightly uncomfortable.]

...We never really talked about it.

[He starts walking again almost immediately after the answer. If Ruby had asked him, he wouldn't have said no. There is precious little in this world he would ever deny her, ultimately. But she hadn't asked, and in some ways he's more comfortable with things like this. His own mind is a miserable place to be, and Ruby already has so much on her shoulders he'd hate to add himself as an additional burden. Perhaps it's cowardly for him not to have pursued it, but he's not...quite prepared for anyone else to be tuned into his mental state at any given moment. Not even Break, not yet.]

[ Even though Qrow isn't saying much about the situation here, Ange can clearly read into his reaction that there's a little more to it than just them not really talking about it. After all, pretty much everything - from the way he pauses to the way something awkward just hangs in the air around him - seems to point towards that.

It makes Ange pause too. Not in walking, since she's still going, but in the conversation. Just for a moment. Because she has to think here. She could point it out, but on the other hand, maybe it's easier for Qrow to not talk about it, especially with someone he considers part of his group of kids.

Then again.. some things are better said, rather than forever suppressed. It's a hard thing to weigh in this moment, but then she slowly speaks up again. ]

Do you not like the idea of them..?

[ She doesn't leave it at that though. Perhaps in an attempt to make the question a little less direct, or the impact of it a little less harsh, she adds: ]

That wouldn't be strange, you know. I asked someone else if she wanted to form a bond with me, but she turned down the idea because she doesn't trust them. [ Which had been super awkward a little hurtful in the moment, but look, Qrow is not the only person who can downplay things, clearly. ]

[Trust Ange to cut right to the heart of the matter straightaway. Qrow all but flinches as though he has been caught out, forced to admit to something that's shameful in some way.]

It's...not so much that I don't trust it. I mean, that's the kind of thing that could happen to us any time, around here.

[His arm is still rubbing idly at the back of his neck. He really would prefer to never acknowledge having feelings about anything, at all, ever, but to be loved requires the mortifying ordeal of being known, yadda yadda, etc.]

Just--y'know...it's permanent, right? That's kind of a lot to ask of someone. To have to deal with ... everything, all the time...forever.

[clearly His Shit is worse than anything he would have to deal with on his end, of course. that's just how it works when you have The Depressions.]

Edited 2022-08-11 05:05 (UTC)

[ Ange may not know the other perfectly. But even with what she does know, and with what he's saying here, Ange knows what he really means as he's saying it.

There's absolutely no way Qrow is concerned about dealing with 'everything' coming from the other person, as long as it's someone he's close to. He's obviously concerned about the other party having to deal with his everything. She can tell without him having to say it. ]

I.. [ She slowly starts. ] I think we both know that Ruby would never mind dealing with any part of you. Even if it's forever.

[ That's how Ruby is, after all. Ange knows the way she talks about Qrow, or the way she looks at him. He means so much to that girl. ]

But I understand it could still be a lot.

[ Because even when you figure that the other might not mind, it could be hard to step over your own idea about that. It's one thing to know things rationally, and another to know things emotionally. She could see how Qrow might struggle with it from his awkward admission here, even though she's fully well aware he knows Ruby loves him to no end.

There's a faint moment of hesitation, since Ange sure doesn't want to make this all about her, but she figures that this might help a little. Just to share in the experience for a moment. Especially when Qrow seems to be taking her seriously enough here to discuss this in a serious way with her, rather than dismissing her for being so much younger.

Maybe it means he might see some merit in hearing about her own experiences with it, since it's not like connecting with people is the easiest thing in the world for Ange either, even if the reasons behind it may be a little different. ]

For me.. I figured that Ruby had already seen the worst of me, you know? And she's always been willing to put up with me, despite that. So making the bond on top of it didn't feel like going a step further anymore.

[There's a hesitation on Qrow's end, because it's not as though he doesn't understand what she's getting at, and it's not like he doesn't realize what it takes for her to open herself up a little like this for his benefit. He does appreciate it, but it's just...not that simple, to him.]

Just because she'd be willing to put up with all that doesn't mean she should have to.

[He sighs. Maria told him once that he was underestimating her. He probably sounds like he is again now, and he doesn't mean to, but the fact remains that he's still more than twice her age, that he's her uncle, and she shouldn't have to deal with that constant onslaught of bullshit in his own head. He remembers how worried she got about him, back in Brunswick Farms, when he'd really hit bottom ... but it's not as though he isn't still a mess, even if he's doing better these days.

Qrow stops walking, finally, but he doesn't turn to look at her, staring up at that daytime moon instead. Let yourself be something new, huh. Easier said than done, at times.]

...I don't know if Ruby ever told you, but I had ... problems, with drinking, for years. Things were -- rough, after her mom died, and --

[His voice catches for a moment, there. He himself only rarely talks about Summer, or what the family went through after she was gone. It's difficult to remember those early days when the grief was raw and fresh, even all these years later.]

She's had to worry about me for a long, long time, is all. I don't want her to have to do it more, now that she's finally got a chance to relax and live her own life.

[ Soon after he stops walking, Ange does too. But she doesn't let her gaze drift upwards to the sky. Instead she just turns to look at Qrow as he's standing there and talking. Instead - Ange just patiently listens.

Especially since she does know that Ruby's past has been a little muddy. Maybe Ange doesn't know every single detail, but she doesn't have to. Somewhere between the way Ruby speaks about it, and the way Qrow speaks about it, she knows enough without having to know everything. Just the gist by itself is enough.

She folds her hands together as she thinks, this time not really saying anything about herself or giving advice when she speaks up. Instead she just asks: ]

Then.. how do you see your ideal version of the kind of relationship you'd like to have with Ruby now?

[ Sure, there's already hints of it sprinkled in everything he says. But rather than Ange wanting to hear the answer, it's more that she might want him to have to think about it a little concretely here, helping him work his way through his thoughts. ]

And do you think she would have the same idea of it?

[Ange please, you can't just be making Qrow feel his own feelings, he is terrible at this.

Qrow shifts uncomfortably at the question, and for a moment appears to be visibly floundering. He's never really thought about ideal circumstances in just about anything in life, always looking toward the worst case scenarios and damage mitigation instead. One of the key factors in his decision to stop drinking was to distance himself from that worst version of himself, after all.]

I...

[He has to close his eyes a moment, to steady himself.]

I'd like to be someone she can always count on. I didn't always do the best job of that.

[The second half of that question is quietly dodged.]

Edited 2022-08-27 12:53 (UTC)

[ Sorry, Qrow. It's not like Ange doesn't get it. Feelings are hard, and talking about them is even harder - it's why she avoided doing so for the longest time, even after she actually started having people to talk to her feelings about in the first place.

But on the other hand.. she knows that you just sometimes have to bite the bullet and actually talk about this stuff. You can't just crop it up forever, or you just get lost over and over again in your own dumb feelings. Feelings that might be resolved if you were able to just talk about them, or maybe act on them a little. She's not planning on pushing this too far if at all possible, but just this little bit.. This doesn't feel like it's too far just yet, even if it might be a little uncomfortable for him. ]

I know I'm not Ruby. [ And that - therefore - Ange can't technically speak for her, no matter how close she and Ruby are. ] But.. I think you're plenty reliable for her now.

[ From Ange's point of view. For what that's worth.

Her fingers on one hand idly play with her fingers on the other as she speaks, glancing up at the dark sky. ]

Being able to count on someone has nothing to do with sometimes doing something for them in return. It's just.. about knowing that someone is always there when you need them. And I think Ruby knows that she can come to you here whenever she has a problem. Helping you once or twice in return doesn't just make that option disappear.

[ .. there's a faint pause, but then Ange slowly exhales. ]

Anyway, that's just what I think. [ Maybe she's trying to lift a little bit of weight off the talk, so it's not too much for poor mister feelings bird over here.. ] I can't say I'm an expert with tons of experience with this sort of thing, but sometimes it can help to hear things from a third party's perspective, I guess.

text; un: harbinger

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do u wanna action

absolutely!!

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cw: mention of past suicidal ideation

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feel free 2 ignore if this is too crusty

please i will take every opportunity to burst into your inbox like the koolaid man

eeeeexcellent

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