audio ; un: a.solo

[hopesparks]

[ There's a faint sound of wind in the background of his broadcast, as if he's sitting somewhere up high. ]

Hello. Again. [ Oof, okay, not the strongest start. ] I'm Anakin Solo, a knight of the Jedi Order, at your service. I sort of remember being here before, and I wanted to thank everyone who helped me out.

They offered me a bed at the orphanage, but I don't want to take it from someone who might need it.
How does housing work here, exactly? I don't mind sleeping outside, but that doesn't seem wise in the long run.

[ A pause. ]

By the way, I don't remember the sky being like this before-- is this normal? As normal as anything is here, I mean.

[ Another pause. He's clearly not in his element. ]

Thanks again.

[ The feed ends. ]


( ooc: let me know if you want to keep his tdm thread! i'm cool either way. )

Comments

[hopesparks]

[ He turns back to Obi-Wan, not quite smiling but the sadness has left his eyes. ]

We were.

My-- Master Skywalker has people out looking for somewhere safer, for the children if for no one else. But everyone knows our Order is wherever we happen to be.

[ They didn't always have a Temple or an Academy or even a formal Order. But they had the Force and the will to use it for the sake of others. And they had each other. ]

[jedies]

[ he smiles. ]

True. A place is just a place, after all.

But there is no shame in feeling that loss.

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin nods. Truth be told, he's still struggling with it. ]

I don't think I'm ashamed. I think I'm just... not sure what to do with it.

[ A wry smile and a shrug. ] It happens more often than not lately.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan assesses him. ]

I think you do know, but are reluctant. To feel an event in its entirety and then to let it go . . . is no mean feat.

And I doubt you ever had the time to process it.

[hopesparks]

[ Any sort of nonchalance he'd built up is gone just like that. Obi-Wan saw right through him, in the same way Master Ikrit had. ]

Am I that easy to read?

[jedies]

How long do you think I've been doing this for?

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin's lips twitch and he ducks his head, like an initiate that's been caught wandering around after lights out. ]

Is there a way to answer that without implying your age?

[ He's not that old, Anakin knows. Maybe a few years younger than Luke, in fact. ]

[jedies]

I doubt you'll get it wrong.

[hopesparks]

"Longer than I've been alive" is probably the easiest answer.

[jedies]

And not an unfair one.

[ obi-wan hums. ]

It's not that you're transparent. It is because this is normal.

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin can't remember the last time someone said he was "normal." The older he's gotten, the more they've emphasized his difference-- how strong he is in the Force, how influential he is among the Jedi, how dangerous he could be if he's not very careful.

And he has to be very, very careful about his feelings.

Quietly: ]

What if something happens, when I try to let it all go?

[jedies]

[ obi-wan raises an eyebrow at him. ]

What do you expect to happen?

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin's gaze turns away. Normally everyone knows what he means, even if they never say it. ]

The balance between light and dark is very delicate.

[jedies]

Hmm.

Which means what, precisely?

[hopesparks]

[ For the first time, Anakin seems a little frustrated. He knows Obi-Wan is poking at him. It's the same feeling as when Master Ikrit or Tionne would test him out of nowhere. But navigating the swamps of Dagobah is much easier than talking about emotions and family baggage.

He sighs. ]

I don't have the same margin for error that other Jedi do. I'm too strong. If I get angry, I could do... a lot of really bad things. Stop someone's heart, boil their blood, shatter their bones. All without even moving from my spot.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan has heard many things. across the galaxy, in deerington, in trench.

this is definitely up there as one of the dumbest. ]

So your solution is to let it fester until you lose control?

[hopesparks]

[ Somewhere, he thinks he hears Master Ikrit's wheezy laugh as a sort of fond "I told you so."

Now his air of calm has turned to agitation. Not anger or aggression, but more like the surface of a pond after skipping stones across it. ]

No!

[ "Then what is your solution, young Anakin?" He sighs. Why does he feel like he's being ganged up on, when one person is entirely in his mind? ]

I don't know.

[jedies]

[ that's what he thought. ]

You're not too strong. All Jedi influence the environment when their emotions get the better of them. What you need to learn is to be master of your own emotions. To change and evolve as they do.

Burying them or pushing them behind as a new crisis keeps coming will only result in your worst outcome.

[hopesparks]

[ Anakin feels himself deflate and the agitation and frustration wash away.

"Better now?"

He wants to argue that there is a difference but, as he's building up the argument, it starts to sound like an excuse. He hates excuses.

"Time to swallow your pride, I think?"

But it's not his problem.

He's fallen into a silence that's a mix of contemplative and sullen in a way only a teenager can manage. ]

[jedies]

[ a sight obi-wan is very much used to. he eyes him contemplatively for a few silent minutes. ]

It's up to you, of course. But a Jedi should always know when to let go.

[hopesparks]

[ He's quiet for a moment longer.

The he sighs, decision made. His posture shifts from a deflated almost-slump into a slight bow. ]

I know I need to do the work, but I'd appreciate any guidance you have for me, Master Kenobi.

[ If his anger is, in fact, a ticking time bomb, he'd rather disarm it before it takes everyone around him with him. ]

[jedies]

[ he inclines his head politely. ]

Then you shall have it.

[hopesparks]

[ When Anakin straightens again, his defenses have gone down. Instead of the grandson of the Chosen One, son of two of the most famous rebels in the galaxy, nephew of the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, knight of the Order and apprentice to the Grand Master...

... it's just Anakin now. The person Obi-Wan had seen from the jump, even when he'd been trying to fool everyone else into thinking he was more okay that he really is. It's both freeing and exhausting. ]

Thank you.

[ There's a faint smile on his face. His expressions are still subtle, but he's no longer trying to hide any of them. ]

Is this something you do with every one of your houseguests?

[ A levity that is there just to be there, not to fill a void or hide a fear. ]

[jedies]

I'd be a poor host otherwise.

[ never mind that he's only owned a home for a year or so. ]

[hopesparks]

How many of them come back?