text || un: wheeler

[micycle]

PIZZA MARKET RESEARCH SURVEY #1

1. What are the best pizza toppings (and nothing weird like anchovies)?

2. Thin crust or thick crust?

3. Do you like orange soda?

4. Do you know how replicate orange soda here?

5. What are your preferred pizza eating hours?

6. How often would you use a horse-based delivery service? Would it depend on what kind of horse showed up at your house with the pizza? Would it matter if the horse was fucking terrifying?

Thank you all for your input.

Comments

Text; UN: SweetDee

[agiantbird]

1. Pepperoni, mushrooms, and rum ham. You're probably going to get weirdos ordering shit like pineapple and anchovies, so my advice is to mix wasabi or chili powder in with the pizza sauce, and smother it ALL over the pizza base. Sure, you'll lose a customer or two, but you don't want anchovy or pineapple people stinking up your business, do you?

2. Thin crust. Sometimes the thick crust is just a bit too much, and I end up leaving it behind, and it's just a waste, you know?

3. It's not bad. It's a decent mixer!

4. Not sure. I think you can get the flavor by boiling an orange and some sugar, or something? You should try that.

5. Evenings. Sometimes I'll eat leftovers for breakfast.

6. Why?

Re: Text; UN: SweetDee

[micycle]

Okay but what the fuck is a wasabi? Is that like a vegetable?

And obviously it’s because a fucking terrifying demon horse is going to be delivering it. Duh.

[agiantbird]

Seriously? No, it's a green paste made out of horseradish. You're supposed to put it on sushi, but it burns the shit out of your sinuses if you put too much on. It's tear-inducing shit and feels like a burning punch to the face. Not sure you can get it in this shithole, but you never know.

Okay. Why do you have a fucking terrifying demon horse? That's not something normal people usually have in the first place, okay? Duh.

[micycle]

Yeah I’m pretty sure they don’t have back home.

[In Hawkins? Probably accurate.]

And we have a terrifying demon horse because we live in a terrifying demon down.

Also because my boyfriend loves it.

[agiantbird]

Damn, that's a shame. Wasabi is great. If someone pisses you off, you just slip a heap of that shit onto their food, sit back, and watch that sweet, sweet chaos unfold.

Sure, we live in a demon town. That doesn't mean I'm going to adopt Satan.

Is your boyfriend okay?

[micycle]

Is it a food or is it a biological weapon? I’m kind of getting mixed messages here.

And he’s fantastic, he just has weird taste in pets. Marshmallow’s totally nice to him though.

[agiantbird]

It can be both if you want. Depends on how you want to use it!

Hang on. The terrifying demon horse's name is Marshmallow?

[micycle]

Hey I didn't name it! That was all Will.

[And it was a genius choice so just jot that down.]

Maybe there's magic involved and Will sees him as a unicorn or something

[agiantbird]

[God, she wants to say magic isn't real, but then she remembers she's in magic blood nightmare town. Magic being fictional and for comic book nerds is an argument she can't use anymore.]

Yeah. Okay. You should ask him about that and then report back to me, because I need to know the answer.

And if there isn't magic involved and Will sees him as an actual demon horse, tell him Dee wants to know if he's doing okay. You can do that, right?

[micycle]

Look we're from a fucked up monster world and we've seen a lot of shit, okay? He's allowed to not be totally normal.

[Also he's already asked about the unicorn thing.]

[agiantbird]

Yeah, all right, buddy. I don't need to know you or your boyfriend's tragic backstory or whatever. Most of us come from fucked up worlds, and most of us have seen fucked up shit. You're not special.

[micycle]

I mean I'm not weirded out by the nightmare horse so I think maybe I am a little.

[agiantbird]

You know what? I'll give you that. I haven't seen this horse, but I have a picture in my head, and you must have nerves of steel not to be weirded out by him. Your boyfriend too. I can respect that?

[micycle]

Is that sarcastic? I feel like you're being sarcastic.

But you're fucking right about the nerves of steel.

[agiantbird]

What!? No! I meant every damn word.

[Did she, though? Did she really?]

But yeah, of course, I'm right. I'm always right. I'm really good at reading people because I'm an actor so we've gotta be able to connect with people's minds and shit.

So good job being a badass. You and your boyfriend should get a big, golden plaque that says Biggest Badasses in Shitbag Town and hang it on the wall somewhere in your restaurant so everyone knows how badass you both are.

[micycle]

Yeah we absolutely should, and it would be fucking true. He could beat your ass with his gunsword before you could even say "drama club."

[agiantbird]

Oh, could he now? Does he want to try? Because I bet I could snap him in half. I could probably snap you in half too.

[Dee, no.]