text || un: wheeler

[micycle]

PIZZA MARKET RESEARCH SURVEY #1

1. What are the best pizza toppings (and nothing weird like anchovies)?

2. Thin crust or thick crust?

3. Do you like orange soda?

4. Do you know how replicate orange soda here?

5. What are your preferred pizza eating hours?

6. How often would you use a horse-based delivery service? Would it depend on what kind of horse showed up at your house with the pizza? Would it matter if the horse was fucking terrifying?

Thank you all for your input.

Comments

[agiantbird]

Yeah, all right, buddy. I don't need to know you or your boyfriend's tragic backstory or whatever. Most of us come from fucked up worlds, and most of us have seen fucked up shit. You're not special.

[micycle]

I mean I'm not weirded out by the nightmare horse so I think maybe I am a little.

[agiantbird]

You know what? I'll give you that. I haven't seen this horse, but I have a picture in my head, and you must have nerves of steel not to be weirded out by him. Your boyfriend too. I can respect that?

[micycle]

Is that sarcastic? I feel like you're being sarcastic.

But you're fucking right about the nerves of steel.

[agiantbird]

What!? No! I meant every damn word.

[Did she, though? Did she really?]

But yeah, of course, I'm right. I'm always right. I'm really good at reading people because I'm an actor so we've gotta be able to connect with people's minds and shit.

So good job being a badass. You and your boyfriend should get a big, golden plaque that says Biggest Badasses in Shitbag Town and hang it on the wall somewhere in your restaurant so everyone knows how badass you both are.

[micycle]

Yeah we absolutely should, and it would be fucking true. He could beat your ass with his gunsword before you could even say "drama club."

[agiantbird]

Oh, could he now? Does he want to try? Because I bet I could snap him in half. I could probably snap you in half too.

[Dee, no.]