video: un; an.observer (CW: cannibal used as part of a movie genre)

[thisislife]

[Lexi's grinning because she has an Evil Idea and she can't wait to spring it on everyone else]

Okay! Most of us come from places where movies are things or you've found movies since arriving. So I have to ask, what's the shittiest movie you've ever seen?

There are three levels to this, Easy, Experienced, and Nightmare.

Easy level is, it can't have been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. So say good-bye to "Manos: The Hands of Fate," "Red Zone Cuba," and "Eegah!"

Experienced level is, it can't have been featured on either Mystery Science Theater 3000 or on RiffTrax Live! So no "Space Mutiny" or "Starship Troopers" or "The Room" for you!

Nightmare? It's never been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax Live, or on The Cinema Snob. Midnight Screenings movies are fine, but no Italian horror or Amazon cannibal movies at all! And for those of you who have never heard of the Cinema Snob and will spend the rest of the afternoon clicking through the episodes, you're welcome.

As for me? My choice is easy. "Green Lantern," starring Ryan Reynolds. I knew enough about the comics to see what they were getting wrong, but not enough to understand what the hell they were talking about the other half of the time.

Now....go!

((OOC: The Cinema Snob site is NSFW. they type while at work))

Comments

[kyley_b]

Yeah. Yeah, I get that. I don't fade, I'm just... abrasive.

[He settles in to watch, giving Lexi a genuine smile when she returns.]

Thanks. This is a classic. Although I admit I prefer Mike over Joel.

[thisislife]

Does that work? Because my way definitely doens't.

[she settles in as well, setting the lemonade and popcorn bowl on the coffee table]

What! Blasphemy! It wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for Joel. [she says in a teasing voice]

[kyley_b]

No. No, it just makes people think you're an asshole.

I agree! I just think Mike is funnier. He's more of a bumbling doofus.

[thisislife]

Yeah, well, I don't think you're one. If that helps?

He is and I like the fact that he was so willing to bring in things like songs, but I miss Joel's deadpan delivery. How he didn't crack up on a regular basis, I'll never know.

[kyley_b]

It does.

God, good question. It's hard to keep a straight face. ...I feel like there's a gay joke in there, somewhere.

[thisislife]

I'm glad.

And I'm sure there is, but ohhhh [she fans her cheeks which were currently red]</small. I'm not gonna be the one to make it. Even though I am a card-carrying pansexual. Got the toaster and everything.

[kyley_b]

Wait, they were handing out toasters?! Damn, I must have been in the bathroom.

[He's quiet a moment, sipping his drink. Then:]

...I'm a monsterfucker, I should get more than a toaster. I deserve a grill or a smoker or something.

[thisislife]

Yup! "Congratulations and welcome to the LGBTQIA+ community! Here's your toaster!"

[and she giggles loudly]

A monsterfucker? That's new. Definitely deserving of a wood grill. Propane grills are for babies.

[kyley_b]

Dammit.

My boyfriend was an alien. Totally different equipment. [He's blushing, but smiling.]

A wood grill. Damn, I bet I could get one made for the yard. Or a pizza oven.

[thisislife]

Oh, really? [she arches an eyebrow] Like something out of hentai or more like...you know, I don't think I've ever seen this addressed in canon about Spock. Most of the Kirk/Spock fic I read just make it green. [and she's grinning back]

If you get either of those, I'm camping out in your backyard. Just saying.

[kyley_b]

Uhm. We used to say his body was a hentai wonderland. [He's so red.] Green, really? Because of his blood?

Seems fair.

[thisislife]

Okay, then! That's...wow. It sounds like a real experience! And yeah, because of his blood. Which makes sense and wasn't too weird to imagine.

Great! I've been missing wood-fired pizza.

[kyley_b]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. I'm gonna miss it.
Ohhhh, okay, yeah. Makes sense.

What's your favourite pizza?

[thisislife]

That's understandable. But you're a great guy, Kyle. When you're ready, someone out there will be waiting.

Extra cheese, light on the sauce, turkey pepperoni and turkey sausage. So most of the time I have to make it myself.

[kyley_b]

Maybe. But enough about me. You met anyone cute?

Turkey, really?

[thisislife]

...I might have.

Yeah. Raised secular Jewish, but I still see pork as a no-no. Shellfish, on the other hand, can all get in my belly.

[kyley_b]

Ohhhhhh, really? Anyone I know?

Dude, I used to sneak bacon and pepperoni at all my friends' houses.

[thisislife]

...maybe?

I can't do it. I just can't do it. When I try, all I can think of is my mom's mom howling because I had Pizza Hut. Even though she died when I was ten, all I can think of is her. Looming over me as I was eating Pizza Hut.

[kyley_b]

Come on, spill. [He tries to give her puppy dog eyes, but he's not great at it.]

You were an even better kid than me, heh. Oh, shit, did you have a bat mitzvah?

[thisislife]

I will when things are official.

Yeah. I looked like a nightmare, too, I had braces and frizzy hair and there was a zit right in the middle of my chin. I want to find every single picture and every single video file and burn them to the ground.

[kyley_b]

You suck. [He's just teasing.]

Okay, so we were the same person, amazing. I figure if we survived that we are now immune to awkwardness.

[thisislife]

That has yet to be determined. [she teases back]

I don't know, there's always a part of me that keeps expecting to see thirteen year old me staring back at me. You, too?

[kyley_b]

Ohhhh.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. It doesn't help that I still AM awkward, honestly.

[thisislife]

Hard same. I swear to god, the most traumatizing thing in my entire life was my big sister going through puberty. She was always pretty, blonde hair and blue eyes, but she went from pretty to "shouldn't you be destroying someone's self-esteem on Instagram?" Horrifying, every bit of it.

[kyley_b]

I think you're quite pretty.

[He's way too tired to lie.]

I have weird baggage about my looks. Not sure that will ever change.