video; un: v | cw for creepy dolls i guess?

[mehanizovati]

[the video starts focused on a shelf, and on that shelf is a doll. absolutely the kind that just exudes 'listed on ebay for having the spirit of an angry victorian child in it' vibes with its dead eyes.

when viktor speaks his tone could not be more dry.] Some of you might have noticed the unpleasant dolls that, when ignored instead of bought, come to life violently. This is a matter our household is not entirely aware of because Palamedes continues to gladly buy any unpleasant doll he sets his sights upon.

[offscreen, but not like, very far offscreen (it is not a big living space), palamedes chimes in with a pointed, 'While I respect your aesthetic tastes, you're wrong, they're delightful,' that viktor will pointedly ignore as he continues.]

He will not stop bringing them. Some of them vanish after a week or two. He calls this one Sensible Bethany.

['She calls herself that, actually, I explained this already,' from the peanut gallery. the camera shifts as viktor turns to address him back]

Is this entire place not haunted enough without ugly dolls, I ask again? There is a limit, Palamedes.

[in the unfocused corner of the camera the doll absolutely turns its head to stare directly at the screen.]

Comments

[mehanizovati]

I would have sighed and said 'ah, it must be some trick of the Trench.' It would have been a perfect crime.

[sigh, but instead here they are.] At least you have good taste in some areas. As long as- [a pause and he glances at bethany, sounding more annoyed than anything as he gestures.] You see! She is doing it again. Turning her head when we are not looking, she is a- a show off.

[megatheorem]

Viktor, you can't blame everything on Trench tricks, you'll ruin my spreadsheets. [Or, worse: he'll have to make a new spreadsheet, one that keeps track of every time Viktor invents a fake Trench trick, and then it would be in writing forever. See. Dangerous line to toe.

He glances over to Bethany, eyebrows raised.]

You put her on camera, she's entitled to a bit of showmanship. She's as harmless as the old man in the Sanctuary, you know.

[mehanizovati]

Watch me, I will wreak havoc on the statistics for my own gain. [chaotic academia, dark academia, etc.

mostly he's just having a staring contest with sensible bethany now, which is just his entire life in a nutshell these days.] I suppose she has the good taste not to bleed or make a mess. 'Sensible' indeed. I am going to throw a rag over her if she doesn't stop with the staring.

[megatheorem]

What gain? Triumph over dolls? Making me cross?

['Cross' here meaning, of course, 'kind of fussy,' but details. He gives Viktor's waist an affectionate squeeze right now, very crossly indeed, and raises his other hand in front of his eyes. Don't look at her, sir.]

You're encouraging her, you realize. Besides, she's stuck in that doll, what else is she going to do besides look at us? She's bored.

[mehanizovati]

Personal satisfaction. [so both of those. he looks preemptively smug about it.

he sighs at being torn from his staring contest with a ghost. the real question here is if bethany likes fucking with him or genuinely thinks he's fun and this is all a game. who knows.]

Then get her enrichment. What are those boards, the one that get people killed? With the letters? Eh... spirit boards? Get her that. Or give some to the teens and let her near them so she can menace them with cryptic messages.

[megatheorem]

[Wow... this guy... Palamedes scoffs and pokes Viktor in the forehead with his thumb, petulantly. Don't be smug.]

I have no idea what you're talking about. Spirit boards that kill people? With letters? [they don't have ouija on mercury viktor] A— keyboard that stabs you...?

[That sounds stupid. What is this enrichment.]

I'm not letting them near her or someone is going to get hurt, and I'm not taking responsibility.

[mehanizovati]

You have not heard of them? Truly? [surely ouji boards are necromancer-core. admittedly viktor thinks they're stupid so he's delighted to pull up his omni, taking pal's wrist to pull it down away from his eyes so he can see.

his passing wrist does get a kiss, so that's gay. after a bit of typing he brings up the image of a ouji board and holds it up for pal to see.]

These. It is a children's game, yes? Everyone puts their fingers lightly on the planchet and pretend to talk to ghosts while someone moves it and pretends they are not. Or I suppose in this case an actual ghost would move it.

[megatheorem]

[Hmm, that is gay, very nice. Palamedes drops his hand to join the other, both arms around Viktor's waist now. This children's board game is like necromancy for babies, huh! Kind of cute.]

I can't imagine what entertainment someone would get out of pretending there are ghosts in the room. [no one here has ever done that, particularly not about which dolls are actually haunted. he totally doesn't get it.] Tell me you can see why having a children's game around is a little redundant for me.

[Please, what is he, an amateur.] Still; she's already here. They don't need a board.

[mehanizovati]

Of course you would not, you had a favorite skeleton growing up. [fond. weird thing to be fond of but here we are.] Hm, children like to frighten each other, I suppose. Tests of bravery, pretending to face the supernatural. That is the appeal.

And please, that is easy for you to say. You can speak with her, I only know her judgmental stare. If she could see the bunk from this angle we would already have had a talk about getting her out of here.

[megatheorem]

Construct, and it's not as if I could have had a puppy. [Where is that little handless construct now... don't think too hard about it.

And good god, Viktor, Bethany isn't a terrible pervert, please.]

That's just what her face looks like. [literally.] If you want to get her a board, I won't stop you. But you could just ask me to relay her messages, if you promise to be nice.

[mehanizovati]

Did children in the Sixth not run and knock on the door of the most haunted room in the bunker on a dare? [really, what did sixth children fear? it's probably a depressing answer, at least he suspects as much.

he doesn't know, bethany could be all sorts of things.]

I have been nice. [a lie.] Besides, it is about enrichment for the haunted doll. I could make her a light to flicker. What else do ghosts do... I do know know, hang up curtains for her to rattle?

[megatheorem]

Well, no. We're not all necromancers, but we don't fear our dead. Did you look for haunted houses in the undercity? [Amused; was little Viktor very adorable about ghosts, too, as well as boats? Oh, the possibilities are endless for cute little Viktor things...

Anyway, focusing. Palamedes turns his head to puff air in Viktor's ear, for his lying. Tsk, be nicer.]

You know, I could just bring her to the Sanctuary. The old man might like a companion.

[mehanizovati]

Of course I did. I was not foolish enough to knock because they were most certainly filled with chemrunners but wouldn't you? [what totally normal not nosy kid wouldn't want to find haunted places? again, maybe less thrilling as a necromancer but still.

the puff of air makes him twitch then huff- fine, maybe a tiny lie. maybe.]

Huh, not a terrible idea. I'd be curious if they'd get along. [believe it or not, for all his bitching, if there is a legit person in that doll he is a little concerned about the boredom she must feel. he would make her a lightbulb to flicker. he'll never admit it was for anything other than 'get her off my back reasons' but it's true. he's tsundere for sensible bethany i guess.]

[megatheorem]

I don't know. [He really doesn't! Knocking on haunted house doors seems so wildly different from literally learning to spin up a spirit or twenty to ask historical questions, it's - hmm, definitely one of those 'missed things,' he supposes. Maybe he'd have been a haunted house enthusiast somewhere else, even with the necromancy. So,] Probably. Inevitably, to the detriment of everybody's patience.

[Ha ha. Fun stuff. Now, good, Viktor is coming around to their new child and her unique needs...]

He's very kind. And she hasn't attacked us; I imagine she's lonely. I'll bring her over in the morning, hm?

[mehanizovati]

Hm, I suppose it will always be impossible to say when the dead were a part of your daily life. [a pause to consider before he decides.] I think you would. Even as a teenager you clearly were eager to get into anything remotely interesting.

[teen pal is still a precious gift the trench gave him.]

Yes, let's. I swear, you're going to start adopting ghosts sooner or later. I suppose I should resign myself to it. [if he didn't sound fond it would probably actually work as a complaint.]

[megatheorem]

Thank you, I know that's a compliment. [nerds.] If I'd known you when we were children, I'd have dragged you with me.

[They would have broken into the chemrunner house, metaphorically speaking. Sorry, little Viktor.]

And— well, someone ought to. Not- I'm not adopting them. It's just helping out. If Bethany calls me Dad, I'm turning her around to face the wall. [And for Bethany, pointedly raising his voice a little:] And I know she heard that and knows better than to be fresh because she thinks it's funny.

[incredibly dadlike of him but whatever]

[mehanizovati]

[viktor's lips quirk at that, it's incredibly easy to see. maybe hits him in his lonely kid feelings a little, enough to make him snort to cover it.] We could have taken notes, made a map. Hopefully not been shot.

[a good time, genuinely.]

Oh, nothing paternal about anything here. [viktor points out to be helpful, his smile is definitely not a smirk.] Calling children out for being fresh and threatening a time-out is not at all fatherlike.

[megatheorem]

Nothing beats a little high-risk adventuring.

[Dear Trench: next time they have to endure a weird alternate-selves dream, let them hang out as awkward children, that will be much more wholesome even if equally dangerous. They will probably not be shot.]

My father didn't put me in time-out for being fresh. [does this explain a lot about him, definitely, will he observe it, no] You've been scolding her for her errant behavior more than I have, besides.

[mehanizovati]

[viktor hums in agreement, despite having learned at least something from remina. sort of. a bit. hopefully one day they will revert to nerd children who have learned no such lesson and cause trouble either in zaun or the sixth.

wholesome. probably. lot of dead bodies in both those places.]

That explains quite a lot about you. [yeah, viktor agrees there. and he rolls his eyes.] I am in my thirties and spent several years teaching fresh faced academy nightmares. You are just naturally like this. I am sorry, Palamedes, you may be fatherlike.

[megatheorem]

It doesn't. You've almost met my mother.

[She explains more about him, in his humble opinion, thanks. Not that the elusive Dad is a bad guy, or anything, and not that Palamedes elbows children, but if there's a parent he takes after... well.

Like, leaving aside all the times Palamedes has made people tea and occasionally literally gotten down to the ground to comfort them on their level, that's normal friend behavior with no traces of anything else at all.]

Anyway— fine. Maybe. It's also possible that you are cantankerous around rich kids, specifically.

["possible"]

[mehanizovati]

[the mention of her makes viktor brighten a little. she was fascinating, that woman who would stop for no child.] That is true. It is a mix then of no time outs and her impressive will being passed to the next generation.

[only less likely to elbow a child. if that is better or not is for you to decide.]

You threw an entire party to cheer up your teen gaggle. You help a child's sports team. [viktor stacks up the the evidence, leaning into pal and quite comfortable. having a great time, honestly.] Eh, probably. They were the ones who started it anyway.

[megatheorem]

[stop dadcasting him, oh my god]

Anyone could do those things! Anyway, you make your teen gaggle homemade dinners, what, once a week? More? You're just as bad as I am.

[This is maybe a matter of opinion, but as far as Palamedes is concerned, it's precisely the same level of fussy familial instinct. Shut up. He tilts his head to press a kiss to the side of Viktor's neck when he leans back into him, but like, also shut up. Huff.]

I still pointedly object to any dad-calling.

[mehanizovati]

[stop being a dad then.]

I wouldn't have to if any of you knew how to cook. [he huffs.] And mine isn't a gaggle, I only have the two. They are more than enough to keep up with, thank you.

[pal's really not wrong though. his lips quirk at the kiss, dry when he says,]

Whatever you say, master Warden. Surely that is all this is and not your soft touch with the troubled youths.

[megatheorem]

[He hums, like, he tried cooking? He tried it and he didn't super like it, but he will continue to attempt learning because it makes Viktor happy, at least. Compromises. He can make sandwiches and cold cereal, which he thinks is enough.]

Hmm, you're making fun of me; maybe I should bring home more dolls, after all. They'll keep you company while I'm busy adopting the whole city.

[Another kiss, for emphasis. Of what, one just cannot be certain.]

[mehanizovati]

[the attempt is appreciated. maybe he'll see if pal wants to learn poptart making and other portable foods, would that sweeten the pot.]

I have never made fun you you. [another dirty lie.] We'll need a bigger bunker then. Maybe we can just open it up to the various menacing tunnels that no doubt sprawl all over the city and work from there.

[at that he turns, to steal a proper kiss and, unfortunately, be sincere instead of dry.] I like that you care about those in the dolls, you know. It is sweet, even if the aesthetic is terrible and they stare.