ananym: (I will walk through the darkest valley)
alucard | adrian tepes ([personal profile] ananym) wrote in [community profile] deernet2022-09-08 09:27 am

( video | un: alucard )

[ he really hates doing this . . . but alucard knows he needs to commit to it. the feed turns on with him looking . . . not quite sheepish, but a tinge of irritation layered with contriteness. ]

Last month, I had the unfortunate issue of losing control of my vampiric nature and lashed out onto a number of people here. I hope you would be willing to accept my apology and if not, direct me in ways where I can make amends. I . . . do not usually need or require blood as sustenance so it took me by surprise.

My apologies. If it helps, it seems I've lost my sense of taste. Perhaps that is penance in a way.
fogsong: (67)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-14 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
He gave up everything to protect me. He was even willing to give up his life to make sure I was safe, just like my mother had.
fogsong: (2)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-14 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Not everyone is capable of being a good parent, let alone a self-sacrificing one. Chris could have abandoned me or given me to the Order when things got tough just like my birth mother had.
fogsong: (6)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-15 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
That, I guess, and because his wife loved me.
fogsong: (23)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-15 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
More than. Did I make it seem like it wasn’t? [ if so, it wasn’t her intention. ]
fogsong: (2)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-15 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
[ ah ] Do you think people like that are common?
fogsong: (83)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-15 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
I do recognize their existence but that doesn’t change anything, not for me.
fogsong: (26)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-15 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
[ she frowns ] You think it should, don’t you?
fogsong: (53)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-16 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
[ it's her turn to fall quiet for a time. ]

...it's hard to feel any other way. It doesn't feel like a choice.
fogsong: (53)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-17 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
It feels like it's a choice they made for me.
fogsong: (47)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-17 02:01 am (UTC)(link)
[ she almost tells him easier said than done but instead what comes out is an almost desperate: ] How?
fogsong: (53)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-17 08:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Before I came here, to Trench, I would have told you I just wanted a normal life. Always running, always having to watch your back, never knowing who you can trust... It exhausts the life out of you.

But now? I don't know. I just... I just walk whatever path is in front of me. Whatever path others think I should.
fogsong: (67)

[personal profile] fogsong 2022-09-18 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
That's... You make a good point. I don't know if I even know that yet, what I want and don't want comes and goes like I'm more than one person on the inside, but you've given me something to think about at least. Maybe it'll help.

Do you mind if I ask... what you don't wish to do?

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