deernet | video; UN: TripleJ

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video; UN: TripleJ

[The feed at first is just a mass of red, curly, curly hair. Then Kyle sits back from where he's propped up his Omni on his desk so his upper body and head are visible. He looks vaguely annoyed, which anybody who knows him will recognise isn't terribly unusual.]

So this is a problem that isn't REALLY a problem, but fuck it, I'm gonna ask about it anyway...

You guys have noticed the clothes here, right? Like, everything looks like you're gonna go hunt Dracula or some shit, or like you're going to that fancy-ass party celebrities go to on earth, the, uh, Met gala? Yeah, that.

Now I'm not a fashion guy. [This is evident to literally anyone who can see the feed - this is clearly a man who bought the first clothes he found that fit. Well, mostly fit. He's looking a bit like he mugged an extra in a bad stage production of Oliver Twist.]

But if I DID want something that didn't look like ass, I don't even know what that would look like, you know? Like if you wanted to make an impression, or something. So I guess just like... what the hell are you guys wearing?

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Great, how about I meet you in Willful Machine at the Lamp location there in about an hour? I can get you looking dapper as heck.

Okay!

Uhm. If I freak out at all, please know it's not you. Just childhood trauma.

Ohhhhh, I know a lot about childhood trauma- it's all good. Lemmie know what to avoid and we'll deal with the rest as it comes.

Yeah?

Mostly just, uh. Assure me you're not a crab.

...Well, Kyle, that's definitely a new one. I am definitely not, nor have I ever been, a crab. I'm all human.

Thanks.

I know it's dumb. So. Uhm. See you soon!

It's not dumb if it bothers you. I'll see you soon.

[It's really easy to spot Kyle by the Willful Machine lamp - he's six foot two and his hair is ridiculously bright and curly. He looks nervous.]

[Wow, Kyle really does stand out like a sore thumb. Varian's a full foot shorter than him, so he definitely has to ...look up to see his face, but he's smiling and waving as he walks over.]

Heeeey, you all set for a fashion adventure?

If by set you mean extremely nervous but willing to trust you? Yes. Yes, I am.

[Varian is so small! And so much better dressed, damn.]

Wow, you really do fit in.

Don't worry, I'll look after you. I won't murder you or anything.

[Because THAT'S bound to put anyone at ease, right?]

Hah, thanks. I call it literally being from the early eighteen hundreds. It's a hard look to pull off, I know, but I'm sure I can figure something out for you.

[He starts off towards the stalls.]

So what do you usually wear? I can try and find something that gets close to what you're comfortable with.

I appreciate that. I'm pretty easy to murder.

Ohhhhhh! Oh, shit, duh, that makes so much sense!

[He follows like a lanky poodle.] I'm pretty sure I've lived in like 3 sets of skinny jeans and hoodies for the past four years. My best friend told me that if it wasn't for the fact that I'm really clean people might throw spare change at me.

Oh, and hats. To hide... [He gestures at his hair.]

I can tell. You've got an "easy to murder" vibe.

[Forming a friendship with Varian means gentle shit-talking, that's just how it is. Still, Varian nods in understanding. ]

I know a couple of people like that here, at least- but it definitely doesn't fit in with the theme here. [He looks up at all the hair. ] Yeeaaah Fern has a bearskin one to like... contain his, sometimes. No problem, we have hats, too.

[He keeps heading towards the stalls, peering around, picking through items.]

You're pretty tall, so breeches might look kinda weird on you, so you're probably better with regular trousers. [He turns to look Kyle up and down.] Hmmm, maybe you could pull off a frock-coat though? [He pulls a short coat with tails out of a pile of clothing laid out on the stall.]

Yeah. [Which isn't exactly true, considering how many attempts on his life he's survived. But Kyle isn't really aware of how fucked up his childhood was. Regardless, friendly shit-talking? That he loves.]

His grows stuff, doesn't it? Like plants?

[He follows along, peering over Varian's shoulder. He balks at the coat.] Oh. Uhm. That's... kinda fancy isn't it? [Oh Varian. This man has worn a suit exactly three times.]

Oh yeah, the grassy one does. It's pretty much...part of him? So when he grows plants, it grows with them.

[Varian tilts his head back and forth, considering this. ]

Hmmm, so that's a too fancy for you? Okay, I can work from that. [He starts rummaging through more clothes, pulling out a shirt and waistcoat combo.] How about this? With or without the cravat? [A beat, then helpfully:] That's the thing around the neck.

That's so fucking cool. Uhm. Did it take you long to adapt to, uh. Non-human biology? Like did it weird you out? [So casual. Totally. Not any reason for asking.]

Oh! That! That I can do. It's not quite a sweatervest. Uhm. I've always kinda thought sweatervests were cool but... yeah. Fashion scares me.

Agreed, he can grow just about anything, it's amazing. [A little blush tinges his cheeks.] I... I mean I never saw him as anything but a person first? Like...we were best friends for a long time before we got together. But figuring out kissing took some...trial and error. I choked on grass the first time.

[It was so desperately awkward.

He seems pleased by Kyle's response to the outfit, nodding and gathering a few more vests. ]

Oh yeah, these are just regular vests- pretty versatile too. Like if you wanted to leave the cravat out, you would keep your top shirt buttons on a bit more and make it a way more casual look. You don't have to worry about being too fancy.

[Kyle grins.] Awkward. But hey, most first kisses are, I think. And obviously you barely notice more, so. That's cool.

[He looks so relieved.] Awesome. I really super appreciate it, dude.

Uhm. This is a dumb question but like... can anybody wear florals?

I can take comfort in that, even if most first kisses don't involve a choking hazard. But yeah, we got it figured out. Honestly, these days the biggest concern is my new powers and me accidentally setting him on fire.

[When your powers are connected to your emotions and you're trying to keep it together while making out at the same time is tricky. ]

Don't mention it, happy to help. And no? I mean, if you wanna wear floral, I say go for it. No one would have been bothered by that back home, but Corona is pretty relaxed as a kingdom, so we're more the exception than the rule. [He snorts in amusement. ] Our princess won't even wear shoes.

Okay, true.

Oh, dude, yes! Suddenly having powers is a trip, I have NO idea what to do with them! Yours sound more dangerous, though. Mine seem pretty passive. Have you set a bunch of stuff on fire already?

You have a shoeless princess? That's kinda cool.

I have set so much on fire. Including Fern. It uh...seems linked to my emotions? So yeah, trying to get a better handle on that.

[Because he wants to makeout with his boyfriend without potentially burning him to a crisp.]

Yeah, her name's Rapunzel. [He might be checking Kyle's reaction- some people recognise her name some don't. ] She uh... she's a free spirit.

Oh wow. I think my boyfriend would kick my ass if I did that. I mean hypothetically, I don't have a boyfriend.

Would like, meditation or some crap help?

...like with the hair?

He was amazingly forgiving about it. [Wow that's a weird way to word it, Kyle, he raises an eyebrow.] So maybe your hypothetical boyfriend would be the same way.

Maybe? It's been suggested. I'm just not so great at...at sitting still and doing nothing?

[Ah, there it is. He nods softly, there's always a chance.]

That's the one. Apparently, there's a movie and everything? Definitely a storybook- though the latter doesn't really follow the history I know.

Uhm. [Distract!] Isn't Fern made of grass? Holy shit, you that really is serious.

I get that.

Is there? I know the story from when I was a kid. But I'm sure it's way off, since stories usually are. What were you back home, anyway?

[Kyle used distract! It was very effective!!]

Oh yeah, it can be really...uh dangerous. We're working on it. We've weathered plenty already, we'll figure something out.

[He waves a hand vaguely in the air.]

I never saw it- I kinda don't want to, I think it's just a little too weird for me. [There's one thing being aware that in some universes you are a fictional character, it's another thing entirely to actually indulge in that fiction.] I'm the Royal Engineer, back home. An alchemist, specifically. Machines, chemical compounds, stuff like that.

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