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un: timaeusTestified | text | Birthday Boy

Turning 21 has been a completely underrated experience. I was expecting the blackout and loss of time. Even the warping to a new place isn't out of the realm of estimated probability.

But being genetically altered is a plot twist. I assume it is so we can fuck the monsters.

I call dibs on the raven dude.

cw: looots of kink/fetish/nsfw jokes/conversation going on in this here post.

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Talk with them? Ask them questions about their whole deal?
I don't know, maybe I'm just not as ready to explore new holes as all you younglings are.
Especially not cloacae.
I'm sure you'll get a couple takers on that research project, though.

Got it. I'll shoot the dude a text like, "Hey man, I know we don't know each other, but if I were to put a dick consensually in your body, where would it go?"

I'm doing it in the name of scientific research. Also, it's my birthday.

No doubt on that front. I would say you'd be surprised by what people wanna bang down with, but if you have any exposure to the internet, you shouldn't be that surprised.

Happy birthday. Hope you get to bone down hard.
You could always just walk into the library and do it. Don't know if birds can use phones.
Plus he definitely already knows who you are. Dude knows everything.
Yes, even why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Also I am actively a robot, who has had sex while being a robot. I am living the internet.

Thank you. Me too. It would be a dream come true.

Intelligence is attractive. I usually go for the stupid ones, but it could be fun to have the intellectual challenge for once.

That's fucking awesome. Robots are great for sex. Everyone knows that. Congratulations on being superior to 90% of the people you meet.

Wish I could give you some tips on some stupid single dudes around here, but all the dumb ones I know are happily taken with each other.
Might have to settle for someone smarter than you this time anyway, god or not.

Oh right, hey, I think NM and the Tower are together.
So like make sure they're down with that before you start moving in on that territory.
If you like finding your way around town ever again, I mean.

The last 10% you?

Yeah, that sounds about right with my luck. Don't sweat it. I'll find some dick paradise one day.
What a bummer.

I kind of dig the challenge. I try not to be too much of a homewrecker generally speaking, but it might be worth it just this once.

Yup.

Hey, I'm already offering my beach-trawling services for free.
Usually I use them to help look for people that people are looking for, you know, like loved ones?
But if all you care is dick paradise then I can try to find the biggest one here.

And what makes you so sure about that 10%?
You haven't even banged a god yet.

Yeah, I'm not really interested in developing sentimental relationships, not gonna lie.

Wow, that's so sweet of you. I've never had a functioning dick wingman before. Wingbot. If you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy. We can scope the beach for vulnerable thirst traps.

I am technically at god status, so, probably that. And I know how I bang so I can conclude that I am worth the 10%.

I'll take wingwoman. Anna works too.
Also gay as all hell, so this should be a great partnership.

Huh.
Last guy I met who called himself a god, I had to travel through time and meet my own future/past self to take him down.
We gonna have that kind of problem here? 'Cause that would immediately put a damper on the dick appointment coordination.

Wingwoman then. Good to meet you, Anna.
Oh. Fucking sweet. That is even better. We'll dominate the playing field.

Probably not. I'm not really interested in the evil story arc this time around the bend though I won't deny that other iterations of myself have gone that route. I'm trying to be a more decent version of myself. Won't say I'll be nice, but I will do my best to be sweet.

Oh, dope, people love a redemption arc.
Listen, hey. If there's one thing I've learned it's that being nice ain't always an option.
But you always have the choice to do cool shit, and a lot of the time it'll be the right choice.
I think we're gonna get along just fine, tT.

Not too sure I've actually hit the "redemption" part yet, but who knows what the future holds.

That's actually a good point. There might be more hope than previously anticipated.

I think so too. Do you mind if I ask the deets about your robot-self? If it's overly invasive, tell me to fuck off, but I've made robots my whole life and was raised by them. They are more familiar to me than other people. So I guess my point is if you are the kind of robot who needs mechanical assistance, I would be happy to see if I can help.

Huh.
Still haven't been able to find a proper mechanic. All right.
Well, the tech is from 10,000 years in my future, and it's integrated with a totally biological head. (Mine, not just one I have lying around.)
Metal body filled with wires and blood. Designed for combat and probably could stand to get tuned up at some point.
I stopped asking questions about how it works. It just kind of does.

We can give it a go. I have some powers that may help as well.

Cool, I'm from the future in my world, so that might be helpful. If not, I will figure it out. I have a combat robot with me here. You can stop by and we can check things out.

You have a biological head but nothing else? Does this mean you do not require food/water? Are you on some indefinite energy source?

lol, and with all due respect, lmao.
You seriously overestimate how much I understand about my own body.

[also, she does have a fission bomb heart, but she's really trying not to advertise that one as much anymore!]

For a while I probably didn't need food or anything like that.
Now I do again, on account of all the blood.
I try to just trust that all the little guys running my vital organs or whatever know what's going on and how to send the right signals up through my last remaining nerves.

Yeah, okay, that's fair. I don't exactly understand my own body either.

Okay, word, we'll check it out. It can't be that complicated.

Never really had anyone try to take me apart before.
Hope you can't blame me for being a little gunshy.
You big into, like, inserting malevolent viruses into CPUs?
Turning robots into Bonzi Buddies screaming about hot milves in your area?

I won't try to dismantle you too thoroughly. The idea is more the exact opposite of that.

I don't blame you. I probably wouldn't be thrilled to have someone cracking me open either.

Not really, actually. I prefer organic corruption to technical.

(That's one way to call yourself manipulative.)

Oh, cool, good thing I don't have anything organic.
(It'll be fine. Better men than you have tried that whole organic corruption thing on me.)
(No offense.)

God, you pop this thing open and it's gonna make a sound like a video game chest.
Except the only thing inside is a picture of a cool sword.

Hey, we just met. You don't know if they are better than me.

You act like a picture of a cool sword isn't a rewarding find. That would be sick. I hope that's what is in my chest.

Hard to top my dad, but you're welcome to try.
It'll definitely throw a wrench into our working relationship, though.

From everything you've told me so far, you've definitely got nothing but cool swords in there.