deernet | un: timaeusTestified | text

Souls. That's different than just plain reality considering souls exist on a completely different dimensional level.

I guess if you're fucking Karkat you're probably not that weak, so I'll give you that. I don't think anyone from our world could date someone who is weak.

He probably will, but he freaks about everything so that's inevitable. Just assure him we're chill and I'll leave him alone. Got no beef with him dating another dude. Our timelines are fucking weird anyway, as I'm sure you already know.

(Hmmm.)

Technically, he is. Unless he came here single or from a different timeline where he's not with Dave, in which case please tell me to fuck right on off.

souls, sorry. still not scared of you. i've met worse.

yeah, he does. and thanks. november was kinda rough and i don't want him to get worried or whatever. so, yeah. we're chill.

well, no.
but he's my boyfriend now.

You don't know me enough to say whether you have met worse. I get swinging your metaphorical giant dick around but be realistic, man.

No problem.

Okay, so he's your boyfriend now. Congratulations on bagging the hot troll.

(Entirely sincere here.

And three seconds later:)

Are you really not going to tell me how good he is in bed?

i absolutely have met worse unless you're actually hitler.
i'm not swinging my dick around! also you started it.

cool.

THANK you.

no! we just met!

Okay, I will absolutely let you have that one. I am definitely not on par with Hitler in terms of my shittiness. Like I'm shitty, but not that kind of shitty.

Yeah, I did. I had to make an impression.

What why not that's so lame. Do you know how non-existent troll porn is? They don't make ANY, dude. I guess they have a lot of nasty literature, but that's not the same sometimes.

so there you go.

well it worked if you were trying to get me all fucking aggro.

of course they don't have porn, they have the threat of death every time they cum!

I kind of was trying to do that, yeah, sorry. I was curious about you and upsetting people is a quick way to assess more intimate parts of their personality that you can't exactly gauge from casual conversation.

Yeah, yeah, I know. The universe made one of the most naturally sexy aliens and then put the biggest fucking stipulation on them. Literally.

i guess it is. i'm sorry for being a dick, it just felt like you were really coming for me for no reason. like i appreciate the "i'll murder you so my little brother can be happy" but like goddamn dude that might not be necessary!

it really did. god the collective trauma of that shit is intense.
oh, there's another troll here, equius? i dunno if you guys get along.

Of course it is necessary. You might be a psychopath for all I know. Trolls have strange tastes.

This does beg the question though: are you hot?

Equius? Oh, yeah. I used his dead body once for a sprite. That sounds nefarious but it was quite commonplace back in the session. He seems like an okay dude. I respect his love of robots and muscles and horses. He gets it.

ok i can't really argue that. alright i'll drop it, you were totally in the right or whatever.

no. not even a little bit. well, i have a cute butt but that's literally all i have going for me by human standards.

yeah he's pretty cool. and it's ok, i know you guys were in a pretty dire situation in not really going to judge you guys for what you had to do.

Thank you. I usually am.

Lame. I mean, the ass thing is nice at least, but that's only really a point in your favor if you have dedicated your life to being a bottom. Which you don't strike me as that. You strike me as a switch.

Yeah. I would have honestly expected him or anyone else to do the same with my dead body if I could die. It's sort of a waste not to.

As hard as I went on you, you do seem like a chill dude. I can see why Karkat is with you.

uh huh.

ok i sort of want to ask why but i'm also scared of what you're gonna say about me.
and yeah, it's totally lame but whatever. it doesn't really matter now, and there's worse things than being ugly. i could be stupid.

yeah there was an understanding.

i try to be and often don't succeed. but thanks. i really would do anything for him.

Afraid you'll feel too seen? I get it.

Is stupidity really worse than being ugly? Most people can't help but be stupid, but looks can be improved upon in most cases. You can't be that ugly. Dave was a perfect 10, as all Striders are, so I'm sure Karkat wouldn't downgrade that significantly.

I can tell. That's cute. And probably completely necessary. We don't half-ass anything in our world. Can't afford to.

no! fine, whatever, why do i have switch energy?

it's way worse, it's fucking dangerous.
if i'm generous i'm a 5. so, yeah, sorry, he did. but i don't think he subscribes to human beauty standards, it's more like, emotional.

i wouldn't half ass anything, no.

[He's tempted to just type 'I LITERALLY DIED FOR HIM' but he doubts that will gain him any good boyfriend points. Absolutely nothing he does will make him close to Dave levels to this guy.

And probably not to Karkat, to hear this guy tell it.

Best not to think about it.]

(Heh. Everyone wanted to know why they had bottom/top/switch energy.)

You're defiant in the way a bottom is, but more stern and self-defending like a top. Your apparent emotional vulnerability and intensity translate to me that you are comfortable with someone taking control of a situation if they do it the right way. But your brash attitude tells me that you are more than happy to be the one taking control of a situation and that you are probably pretty good at it.

I'd even bet you prefer topping but mostly so you can maintain a sense of bossy control.

Also, the fact that you are a certified monster fucker - sorry, alien fucker, means you're definitely kinky and open-minded.

I feel like there is something to be said about intellectualism here, but generally, I agree with you. I would argue that hot stupid people are good at surrounding themselves with smart people.

Send me a picture of yourself so I can judge. I'll see you soon anyway so you might as well say yes now.

(Man, Dirk really is bossy as shit.

Funnily enough, dying for Karkat would totally rack up serious boyfriend points. But Kyle's right in that regard. Dirk had a fixed bias.)

[Curiosity will be the death of him.]

so you think i'm bossy.

i don't think you have to be necessarily kinky to have alien sex, it's just being accepting of physical differences, that's all.

point, if only because hot people attract other people period. some of them are bound to be smart.

you don't know that i might just avoid you forever because you're a dick.

[Kyle knows that sometimes it's just easier to give in. So he snaps a picture.

He looks unimpressed, which isn't unusual. He has no concept of How To Selfie, so there's no attempt at a best angle or lighting. He could definitely be described as a stork in a red fright wig.

At least Varian helped him get some Trench clothes so he doesn't look like a total schlub.]

You come across that way, yeah.

Maybe not, but most people wouldn't refer to it as vanilla either. Is it really just a physical difference? Cross-species relations feel deeper than that somehow. I know their quadrant system is complex and requires certain fulfillment.

Yeah, I am a dick. But you won't avoid me forever.

(Point proved a second later when Kyle sends over a picture. It definitely isn't what he's expecting, but after a second, it doesn't feel surprising either.

For equal trade, he sends his own selfie back. He, on the other hand, is photogenic as fuck from any angle and is generally just a great-looking dude with a built body.)

Anyway, you're not that bad. You look more bitter than ugly.

i guess i can be. i try to listen to people, though.

dude that quadrant system is fucking smart! and i'd say it's deeper in terms of relationships for sure, but if we're talking fetishes i feel like that's mostly purely sexual? i might be way off base though, it's not my area of expertise.

[Oh shit. Oh SHIT he's hot. It stands to reason Dave would be hot, too.

Fuck. Fuuuuuck.]

i'm not bitter.

Bossy is better than doormat.

It is incredibly smart. It's intuitive to individual needs. In my defense, the kismesis thing is definitely a kink for someone you can get off with that you fight with. That's pretty kinky if you ask me.

(Yup, sorry Kyle.)

Sure you're not.

With the right hairstyle, you could pass for a seven.

on that we agree.

i mean it COULD be, but you don't HAVE to fuck a kismesis.

i'm really not! i am tired.

bullshit, but thanks. the hair is a disaster, i know.

No, but then what's the fun in having one?

Sure thing, Kyle.

Listen, darling, do I actually come across as the sort to care enough to lie to you about your aesthetic potential?

i don't know.

i guess not, no. 7 seems awfully high is all. besides it doesn't matter.

Why does it not matter?

because karkat likes me anyway.

So, because you got the guy, you don't want to try anymore?

Unique approach to a relationship. I wouldn't go that route, but I guess you are the one with the boyfriend and not me.

un: timaeusTestified | text | Birthday Boy

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