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THIS IS BIOLOGICAL FUCKING WARFARE.
THIS IS A COMPLETE DECONSTRUCTION OF BODILY AUTONOMY.
SOME MAY EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THIS IS AN ACTUAL HATE CRIME. FOR I, ABOVE ALL ELSE, FEEL ESPECIALLY HATED RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS A HEINOUS ACT OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER AND THERE WILL BE GREAT RETRIBUTION, MARK MY WORD.

DO NOT ASK ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT AS IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE MY DISSATISFACTION WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION TO THE WORLD AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS A VALID FORM OF PUBLIC DESPAIR. IF YOU DISAGREE I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC PLACE WHERE YOU CAN "SHOVE IT" AS THEY SAY. MY DESPAIR IS CERTIFIABLE AND THIS DEERNET PLACE IS NOW MY PARTY WHERE I CAN FUCKING CRY IF I WANT TO.

NOT THAT I AM CRYING. THAT WOULD BE FOR SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN I, WHICH I HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY WEAK AT A SINGLE MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFESPAN.

IF YOU DISLIKE IT, THEN YOU CAN FUCKING BLOCK ME AND GET OVER YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN CORNER OF THE INTERNET. EAT MY ENTIRE FUCKING BULGE. EXCEPT DO NOT. TO BE CLEAR, THAT WAS NOT A COME-ON OF ANY KIND. I WILL BURY YOU IN THE MISERABLE SANDS FROM WHICH WE HAVE BEEN REINCARNATED AND YOU WILL NOT REAWAKEN. FOR I WILL BE STANDING THERE TO CUT YOU DOWN THE MOMENT YOU OPEN YOUR EYES. SO, LITERALLY, YOU WILL NOT SEE IT AGAIN. THEORETICALLY. I CANNOT ACTUALLY TRULY ANTICIPATE THE EXACT SECOND YOU OPEN YOUR EYES BUT I WILL BE PREPARED ALL THE SAME.

*I WILL NOT BE CENSORED.*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(...Well. All righty then. Kyle has officially made it on his "try not to kill" list.)

I TAKE IT BACK. YOU HAVE EXCEPTIONAL VISUAL GLOBES IN WHICH YOU PERCEIVE THINGS PERFECTLY WITH.

OH MY GLOB. I NEED TO SEE IT. I WILL PROBABLY SPEND MANY DAYS THERE, NOT SLEEPING, FORGETTING THE ESSENCE OF TIME AND LIFE ITSELF, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR THE SHEER POWER OF KNOWLEDGE I WILL INEVITABLY GAIN.

I AM A REGULAR FUCKING
WHAT DO YOU HUMANS CALL HIM...
SHOOKSPEAR. YES. I AM VERY SHOOKSPEARIAN IN MY LINGUISTIC CAPACITY. I AM OFTEN TOLD I AM INCREDIBLY CREATIVE. AND SOMETIMES EXCESSIVELY ANNOYING, BUT WHAT'S THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE, RIGHT?

(He's so confident that he's right about that.)

I AM QUITE FAMILIAR WITH TIME JUMPING CONCEPTS. I COME FROM AN ABSOLUTE CLUSTERFUCK OF A TIME LOOP SHENANIGAN HAVING TO DO WITH THE END OF THE WORLD AND A VIDEO GAME. I CAN PROVIDE GUIDANCE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE ANY HELP. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PHYSICALLY JUMP THROUGH TIME MYSELF OR ANYTHING BUT I HAVE MANY CLOSE FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR ABILITIES TO HAVE SOME INSIGHT.

FUCKING *EXACTLY*. WHY WEAR SILKS WHEN YOU CANNOT EVEN WASH BLOOD OUT OF THEM? COMPLETELY USELESS IN A BATTLE.

thanks dude.

it's HUGE like dude i went to a pretty decent sized university and this makes that look like a fuckin podunk local library. i totally did fall asleep there a few times ngl.

shakespeare but yeah i know what you mean. and creative people are frequently annoying, i think because your brains are always busy trying to make something out of nothing and you get carried away. or something. i dunno.

really?! that would be handy, thank you! like i don't know if i can jump time or WHAT but i am 90% sure i made someone in the past do something different so i didn't get killed by this local psycho. (he's nice tho sorta, the psycho i mean.)

yeah man i just wanna be warm and not nude.

THAT IS A GIVEN. THIS IS A LIBRARY FOR AN ENTIRE CITY WHEREAS YOUR MEAGER UNIVERSITY WAS FOR ONE ISOLATED SPACE. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, I SUPPOSE UNIVERSITIES ARE KNOWN FOR BEING RESEARCH HUBS AND THEREFORE ONE WOULD REASONABLY THEORIZE THAT THEY WOULD HAVE THE BIGGEST LIBRARY OF THEM ALL. I WONDER IF UNIVERSITY LIBRARIES AND CITY LIBRARIES OFTEN HAVE SIZE COMPARISON COMPETITIONS LIKE A BUNCH OF INSECURE HUMANOID MALES DURING MATING SEASON.

LIBRARIES ARE IDEAL PLACES FOR SLEEP. THEY ARE QUIET AND NO ONE IS THERE EXCEPT FOR UNSETTLING OLD PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE HATEFUL THAN I COULD EVER DREAM OF BEING. IT REALLY IS A PARADISE.

SHAKESPEARE IS THE STUPIDEST NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD. WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER SHAKE A SPEAR EXCEPT, PERHAPS, TO INTIMIDATE A THREAT. I TAKE IT BACK. IT IS A FUCKING INCREDIBLE NAME. EXCEPT INSTEAD OF THREATENING WITH SPEARS, HE THREATENS WITH RHYME SCHEMES AND TRAGIC ROMANCES. AND SO MANY DICK JOKES.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PRACTICAL THEORY. IT IS TRUE THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO TAKE ANYTHING CASUALLY EVER.

YOU ARE WELCOME, I GUESS. I AM MOSTLY DOING THIS SO YOU DO NOT OPEN AN ACCIDENTAL VORTEX. TIME TRAVEL FUCK UPS ARE, WITHOUT A DOUBT, A MASSIVE PAIN IN THE NOOK. SPECIFICALLY MINE. I HAVE BEEN FUCKED SO MANY TIMES BY TIME THAT I AM STILL WALKING FUNNY FROM IT.

WHAT YOU DID, WITH THAT THING YOU JUST SAID YOU DID, PROBABLY OPENED UP A DOOMED TIMELINE AND YOU WILL LIKELY FACE THOSE CONSEQUENCES HORRIFICALLY ONE DAY. AND YOU WILL BE LIKE "WOW, I SHOULD HAVE LET MYSELF GET MURDERED THAT ONE TIME."

KYLE, THAT IS TRULY THE IDEAL. I CAN BARELY TOLERATE SHOWING MY FACE. THIS ONE TIME WHEN I WAS YOUNG I KEPT PUTTING BAGS OVER MY HEAD SO NO ONE HAD TO SEE MY FACE, BUT THEN IT BECAME DIFFICULT TO BREATHE AND I KEPT PASSING OUT, AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, MAYBE I AM UGLY, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SUCK IN AIR AND PUSH IT BACK OUT WITHOUT EXTERNAL FORCES CUTTING OFF MY AIR SUPPLY. THE SACRIFICES WE MAKE ARE STAGGERING SOMETIMES.

the university library was pretty fucking big. at least mine was. depends on the size of the school tho.

you have a funny way of thinking, you know that? it's cool.

that's ok it just means you're intense. intense can be good! i think not enough people appreciate it, really. like they can't handle it.

i really don't think i did that. i sure HOPE i didn't do that. why is there so much timeline fuckery where you're from? or when you're from.

oh were you an ugly kid too? i sure was. who am i kidding i'm an ugly fucking adult. but it doesn't matter, 'cause you know i learned something, and that's that if you grow up looking hideous you're forced to develop a better personality and cool hobbies and skills.

YOU THINK HOW I THINK IS COOL?

(Karkat's going to pass out.)

I AM GLAD YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ACKNOWLEDGING SUCH FANTASTIC THINGS WHEN YOU FIND THEM. IT IS LIKELY BECAUSE ALTERNIANS FEEL AND THINK DIFFERENTLY FROM HUMANS, BUT FOR THIS MOMENT, I WIlL TAKE IT AS A SPECIALIZED COMPLIMENT FOR ME AND ME ALONE.

"INTENSE" IS PROBABLY THE MOST POLITE WORD ANYONE HAS EVER USED TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY. YOU ARE

(He's really going to pass out.)

VERY FUCKING WEIRD. IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU DISTINCTLY MUCH EASIER TO TALK TO THAN THE AVERAGE HUMAN AND I WILL LIKELY NEVER SHUT UP TO YOU NOW THAT YOU HAVE OPENED THE FLOODGATES OF FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN US. YOU ARE OPEN-MINDED AND NOT MANY SEEM TO BE SO I SUPPOSE WE ARE BOTH EQUALLY DISTINGUISHED WHICH MAKES US VERY COMPATIBLE.

I CANNOT BEGIN TO EXPLAIN, IT IS SUCH A LONG STORY. IN ORDER TO TELL EVEN 13% OF IT I MUST ASK HOW FAMILIAR YOU ARE WITH VIDEO GAMES OR ELSE IT WILL PROBABLY SOUND LIKE I JUST SNORTED A LINE OF MUSHABOOM PLANTS.

I WAS AN UGLY CHILD AND I AM ALSO NOW AN UGLY ADULT. WE CAN BE HIDEOUS OUTCASTS TOGETHER. I DO NOT MEET ANY OF THE DESIRABLE TRAITS OF MY OWN RACE AND AM REMINDED ON A SEMI-REGULAR BASIS.

BEAUTY IS EPHEMERAL. YOU ARE CORRECT. LAST I CHECKED, I EMOTIONALLY CONNECT WITH PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS RATHER THAN FEELING LIKE "I AM REALLY FEELING EMOTIONALLY VALIDATED BY YOUR THREE-FOOT LONG HORNS."

yeah i do.

i mean that's ok, there's lots of people from different places and shit here. last place i was, too. so maybe more people who aren't human or who are used to non humans will understand you better.

yeah. yeah, i've been told i'm weird before. i don't really see it, but i guess it must be true.

oh i love video games!

lol dude you have the funniest phrasing. i don't either, so don't even worry about it.

yeah! like i can see when someone is hot but that's not the best part about people, not by a long shot.

YOU HAVE A POINT. I HAVE NOT MET MANY OTHER RACES BESIDES HUMANS. PERHAPS IT WILL BE A UNIQUE CULTURAL BLEND WHERE WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM ONE ANOTHER'S WAYS. I AM STILL LEARNING ABOUT HUMANS TOO. MAYBE, ONE DAY, WHILE YOU ARE RESEARCHING, WE COULD SIT DOWN AND COMPARE NOTES ABOUT OUR PEOPLE.

THERE MAY BE KNOWLEDGE TO BE SHARED THAT COULD PROVE USEFUL FOR OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT WITH THE BLOOD THING.

YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY FUCKING WEIRD, BUT I DESPISE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT WEIRD. THEY CANNOT BE TRUSTED, IN MY OPINION.

OKAY, COOL, SO BASICALLY MY FRIENDS AND I PLAYED THIS JANK BETA VERSION OF A VIDEO GAME AND IT, INCIDENTALLY, DESTROYED OUR UNIVERSE. WE MANAGED TO MAKE CONTACT WITH A BUNCH OF HUMAN LOSERS WHO PLAYED THEIR OWN VARIATION OF THE GAME AND THEY FUCKED UP THEIR OWN UNIVERSE. ALSO I THINK I GAVE THE HUMAN UNIVERSE CANCER - LIKE, ME SPECIFICALLY, I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR FUCKING UP YOUR UNIVERSE AND IN HINDSIGHT I GENERALLY APOLOGIZE FOR THAT BUT I PROBABLY DID NOT DESTROY YOUR SPECIFIC VERSION OF EARTH, SO I'M NOT APOLOGIZING TO YOU SPECIFICALLY.

UNLESS I DID DO THAT IN WHICH CASE MY BAD. ANYWAY, IT WAS A VIDEO GAME THAT BLENDED THE GAME WITH REALITY, SO WE GOT ALL THESE TITLES. MINE IS "KNIGHT OF BLOOD" WHICH MEANS - ACTUALLY, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. BUT MY OLD BOYFRIEND WAS THE KNIGHT OF TIME. ONE OF OUR FRIENDS WAS THE WITCH OF SPACE. I THINK YOU GET WHERE I AM DIRECTING THIS CONVERSATION NOW. WE WERE A BUNCH OF MORONIC THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLDS GIVEN GODLIKE ABILITIES AND A PETRI DISH OF A WHAMMIED UNIVERSE TO SPLOOGE ALL OF OUR PATHETIC MISTAKES OVER. WE RIPPED OPEN DOZENS OF TIMELINES WHERE WE FUCKED UP THE GAME EVEN WORSE, AND EACH TIMELINE HAD DIFFERENT IMPACTS ON THE OUTCOME OF OUR GAME SESSION, AND IT GOT EXTREMELY COMPLEX. I AM TALKING THAT IF THIS WAS ONE A STORY AVAILABLE FOR PEOPLE TO READ IT WOULD EASILY BE MUCH MORE LONG AND COMPLEX THAN THE SHITTY HUMAN NOVEL KNOWN AS "WAR AND PEACE" PROBABLY.

I AM REALLY SUMMARIZING THIS HERE, BUT IT DOMINATED THE ENTIRETY OF MY EARLIER SWEEPS AND SO YOU CAN IMAGINE WHY IT IS NOT EASY NOR SHORT TO EXPLAIN. A LOT HAPPENED. MOST OF IT IS CONFUSING. A LOT OF IT IS EMBARRASSING.

BUT NOW I AM HERE AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THIS IS ANOTHER FUCKED UP ITERATION OF WHAT WE DID OR IF IT IS JUST SOMETHING ELSE ALTOGETHER.

ANYWAY, YOU COULD SAY IT WAS ARGUABLY THE MOST EPIC FUCKING VIDEO GAME SESSION EVER PLAYED IN THE HISTORY OF ANY CULTURE EVER. I WONDER WHAT TITLE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IF YOU WERE PLAYING WITH US. WE WILL NEED TO SIT DOWN AND DISCUSS THAT AS WELL BECAUSE NOW I MUST KNOW.

YES, I AM A REAL CHUCKLEMACHINE MISTRO. PEOPLE LINE THE STREETS CALLING FOR MY HUMOROUS PHRASING TO PERK THEM UP FROM THEIR DULL, MISERABLE LIVES.

TROLLS ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY BASED THAN MAINTAINING OBSESSION WITH PHYSICAL LOOKS, I THINK. I DO NOT REALLY THINK ABOUT ANYONE'S BODY OR LOOKS WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEIR BEAUTY. THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO BE SENTIMENTAL. I AM BEING EXTREMELY LITERAL HERE.

[That's a lot. And it's all fucking weird. Impossibly weird... for someone who hadn't once had his best friend literally sucked into Facebook. Yeah, a universe destroying video game is absurd but not that far out of the realm of possibility.]

dude yeah we should 100% compare notes. even if there's nothing actually useful in them, at least i'll get a better understanding of your culture.

ok so. ok. i am seriously hoping you did not cause cancer but even if you did it wasn't like you meant to. we all did dumb shit when we were kids. [Like get a friendly country bombed, Kyle?] it totally happens.

and i don't think this is the same thing, no. for one thing, a lot of people here are from ANOTHER place sort of like this, but that's not their homeworld. they were all just stuck in some shitty horror novel town or something, and now they're here. they all know each other and stuff, i perpetually feel like i moved to a new school mid-semester or something. so that indicates to me that there's just a LOT of fucked up dimensions that are independently fucked up and that's sort of creepier actually.

me? i dunno knight of semantics probably.

see, that's great dude.

yeah? i kind of get that. i mean i don't think t's quite so pure but like
people get more attractive if they're good people. to me, i mean. like i'll see them and go 'wow they really have the best smile' but maybe they have fucking buck teeth or some shit but i don't care because the personality is what makes them beautiful. so it's not as literal as i think it is for you but i get it a little bit anyway.

THAT WOULD BE A NICE EXCHANGE. I COULD ALSO UNDERSTAND YOURS BETTER TOO. I AM MORE FAMILIAR WITH HUMANS, BUT NOT HUMANS FROM WHERE YOU COME AND I AM SURE THERE ARE PLENTY OF DIFFERENCES.

I SERIOUSLY HOPE I DID NOT FUCKING CAUSE IT EITHER BUT I WOULD NOT BE SHOCKED IF I DID. I AM LIKE BORDERLINE CURSED. YOU ARE RIGHT THOUGH. I DIDN'T MEAN TO. I'M ALL FOR SLAUGHTERING THE MASSES BUT NOT LIKE THAT AND NOT SO GENERALIZED AND ESPECIALLY NOT OF A UNIVERSE I DID NOT EVEN REALIZE EXISTED.

THAT IS EVEN MORE REASSURING. I CAN DEAL WITH A UNIVERSAL NEXUS OF WHICH WE HAVE NO CLEAR CUT ANSWERS. PERHAPS WE ARE IN ANOTHER GAME SESSION AND DO NOT EVEN REALIZE IT AND THE PEOPLE FROM THE WEIRD MURDER TOWN ARE THE ALPHAS OF THE SITUATION. THEY HAVE BEEN PLAYING THE GAME FOR LONGER. KNOW THE RULES BETTER. IF YOU HAVE MOVED TO "SCHOOL MID-SEMESTER" THEN I HAVE MOVED WITH YOU AND WE SHALL BE SCHOOLED TOGETHER WITH THIS SEMEN.

(He is DEFINITELY not saying what he thinks he is saying.)

NOT TO BE "PENDATIC" AS YOU PUT EARLIER BUT THERE ARE NO SEMANTICS. YOU HAVE THE TITLE, LIKE KNIGHT OR PAIGE OR BARD (ALL FANTASY SHIT LIKE THAT ONE DORKY GAME HUMANS OBSESS OVER) AND THOSE ARE EITHER ACTIVE OR PASSIVE OR SOMETIMES BOTH - AND THEN YOU HAVE AN ASPECT THAT DETERMINES YOUR ACTUAL POWER SET. TIME, BLOOD, HEART, MIND. THERE'S A BUNCH OF THEM. IF ANYTHING IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WOULD BE A KNIGHT OF MIND, WHICH, BY THE WAY, ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WAS A SEER OF MIND, WHICH ACTUALLY MIGHT BE MORE APPROPRIATE FOR YOU?

I WILL HAVE TO DISSECT EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY FIRST BEFORE WE CAN REALLY PROPERLY TITLE YOU, I THINK. I SHALL DESIGN A 100 QUESTION QUIZ.

IN THE GAME, WE DID NOT GET TO CHOOSE WE JUST WOUND UP WITH THINGS THAT APPARENTLY SUITED US THE BEST.

I DO NOT KNOW IF "PURE" IS THE RIGHT WORD AS MUCH AS IT IS JUST A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FEELING. I FORGET HUMANS BELIEVE IN CONCEPTS OF PURITY, AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH UPHOLDING SUCH VALUES, OBVIOUSLY. BUT TO BE CLEAR, I DO NOT THINK HUMAN ATTRACTION IS LESSER-THAN. IT'S WEIRD AND DIFFERENT, BUT IT IS YOUR OWN ATTRACTION AND IT IS REASONABLE TO IMAGINE DIFFERENT THINGS INSPIRE YOUR ROMANTIC INTEREST IN SOMEONE. YOU DEFINITELY GET IT. THAT IS HOW I SEE PEOPLE TOO. IT SEEMS SIMILAR ENOUGH TO ME SANS SOME MORE BIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES, PROBABLY. DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THOSE RIGID "HETEROSEXUALS" THEN?

Edited 2021-10-07 06:01 (UTC)

i'm from the really boring human world, i'm afraid. some people here are from places with superpowers and shit. not me.

why would you want to slaughter the masses? that's dumb. if you slaughter anybody you gotta slaughter the elites!

uhm
that's not what semen means.
but okay maybe you have a point! ok so everyone who was in that town are all shitting their pants over it being october so i guess they know something really bad is coming? seems ok so far tho.

d&d. which hey fuck you i like d&d! i used to play an elf.

ohhh oh. you think i'd be a seer? that feels so mystical. but yeah, you'll have to tell me when you figure me out.

i meant pure not in a moral sense, to be clear, just like i feel my human bullshit muddies things a little is all. is your biology super different?

dude human attraction is definitely fucking weird. and no, not heterosexual.

WHAT A WASTE OF EXISTENCE YOUR HUMAN LIFE MUST BE WITH NO POWERS IN IT. I AM SORRY YOU HAVE TO SUFFER SUCH WEAKNESS. IT REMINDS ME OF ME IN MY YOUTH.

(Karkat doesn't actually mean to be this rude sometimes. It's just his ever-loving personality, honest.)

I FORGET YOU HUMANS ARE EXTREMELY SOFT IN NATURE. FOR US, WHEN WE PUPATE AND GAIN OUR LIMBS, WE MUST FACE DEADLY TRIALS. IF WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO SURVIVE THEM, THEN WE ARE CHOSEN BY A MONSTROUS CREATURE TO HELP RAISE US INTO ADULTHOOD. WE REGULARLY EAT OUR OWN YOUNG IF THEY FAIL MISERABLY IN THEIR TRIALS OR THE ONES WHO ARE CULLED BEFORE THEY CAN EVEN BEGIN. WEAKNESS IS NOT AN OPTION.

ANYWAY, YOU AREN'T WRONG. SLAUGHTERING THE ELITES WOULD BE MUCH MORE IMPRESSIVE. PERHAPS ONE CAN SLAUGHTER THE ELITES AND THEN ALSO THEIR MASSES WHO WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO FOLLOW THEM. THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EFFICIENT PLAN.

THE PEOPLE FROM THE SHITTY TOWN SOUND COWARDLY AND INEXPERIENCED. EVERY MONTH IS A SHITTY MONTH.

DOES D&D STAND FOR "DORKS & DORKIERS" HAHA! I AM JUST KIDDING. I KNOW IT STANDS FOR "DICKS & DRAGONS." ELF? THE LITTLE SUSPICIOUS CREATURES WHO ARE PUT UPON SHELVES TO HAUNT HUMAN CHILDREN IN THEIR SLEEP? THEIR LONG NOODLE LIMBS HAUNT ME IN MY SLEEP SOMETIMES.

IT IS QUITE MYSTICAL, YES.

OH. IT MIGHT. HUMANS DO SEEM TO HAVE COMPLEX SOCIAL CONCEPTS AROUND ATTRACTION. I AT TIMES FEEL BAD FOR YOUR KIND AS IT SEEMS TO CRIPPLE MANY OF YOU ROMANTICALLY AND LEAVE YOU FEELING DEEPLY INSECURE ABOUT COMPLETELY NATURAL FEELINGS.

MY BIOLOGY IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT, YES. HUMAN MALES AND ALTERNIAN MALES HAVE VERY LITTLE IN COMMON. I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH HUMAN FEMALE ANATOMY, BUT FROM MY UNDERSTANDING, THERE ARE DRASTIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HUMAN MALE GENITALIA AND HUMAN FEMALE GENITALIA. THERE ARE FEW DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ALTERNIAN SEXES SINCE WE DO NOT CARRY OUR OWN CHILDREN. WE DO NOT REALLY EVEN HAVE THE HUMAN CONCEPT OF "CHILDREN" ACTUALLY OR FAMILY UNITS. WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE PARENTAL INSTINCTS. OUR GENETIC MATERIAL IS PUT INTO A BUCKET AND BROUGHT TO THE MOTHER GRUB. IT IS ALL VERY DETACHED. WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE TRUE GENETIC FAMILIAL LINEAGES.

MY OLD BOYFRIEND WAS A HUMAN AND HE ONCE TOLD ME THAT OUR REPRODUCTION WAS LIKE IF YOU PUT "A BUNCH OF CUM INTO A VAT AND MIXED IT ALTOGETHER." I DO NOT THINK IT IS THE SAME THING, BUT IF YOU WANTED A MENTAL IMAGE, PLEASE IMAGINE THAT BUT MUCH MORE COLORFUL THAN YOUR CLEAR WHITE REPRODUCTIVE FLUIDS.

yeah. normally i never noticed but i spent a few moths hanging out with space wizards and crap. think i developed a complex.

ok yeah that sounds a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle more extreme than my bar mitzvah.

i'm all for more power to the people. not so big on the slaughtering in general tho, sorry. guess i am pretty soft.

[Okay, that sort of nihilism is actually kind of relatable, even if Kyle strives to be an optimist.]

every month can be, yeah.

oh no not that kind of elf, the cool kind with pointy ears and like, grace and dexterity and oneness with nature and shit.

some of us are 100% romantically crippled, yup. it's stupid.

yeah we're pretty different cos of the biology, at least in the genitals. not enough for all the cultural shit we put on it, mind you.

okay wow that's graphic. but it gets the point across very well. i think the idea of not having a family really fucks me up, tho. i'm really close to mine. i miss them a lot, especially my little brother. altho technically we don't share any genetics at all cos he's adopted.

WIZARDS WILL ABSOLUTELY DO THAT TO YOU. DO NOT FEEL TOO INFERIOR. YOUR PERSONALITY IS MUCH BETTER THAN A WIZARD'S. THEY ARE ASSHOLES.

WHAT IS A BAR MITZVAH AND HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU USUALLY KILL DURING IT?

IT IS OKAY. I USED TO BE MUCH MORE OBNOXIOUS ABOUT MURDER WHEN I WAS SMALLER. IT IS ONLY COOL IN SPECIFIC SITUATIONS.

LIKE THE ONES FROM THE MOVIE ABOUT THE MASTER OF THE RINGS? THE ONE WITH THE VERY ATTRACTIVE BLOND ELF WITH THE EYES AND THE BOW AND ARROW? DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE POINTY EARS?

TO BE COMPLETELY FAIR, I TOO AM ROMANTICALLY CRIPPLED. AND MOST OF MY ROMANTIC HUMILIATION IS WELL DOCUMENTED ONLINE. BUT IT IS NOT CRIPPLED IN THE WAY HUMAN ROMANCE IS CRIPPLED. I FEEL LIKE I AM SAYING CRIPPLED TOO MUCH.

YES, IT SEEMS YOUR KIND IS VERY OBSESSED WITH SUBJECTING THE FEMALE OF YOUR SPECIES TO BIZARRELY UNIQUE TORTURES. THOUGH NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, MY RACE IS VERY MUCH THE SAME ONLY INSTEAD OF TORTURING EACH OTHER OVER SEX WE DO IT OVER BLOOD. BIGOTRY MUST TRANSCEND ALL CIVILIZATIONS.

DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL REPRODUCTION USUALLY IS, YES. SEX EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT.

YOUR FEELINGS OF ATTACHMENT TO YOUR FAMILY SEEM TO BE COMPLETELY NORMAL AND VALID FOR YOUR KIND. I CANNOT IMAGINE IT, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO MISS SOMEONE TERRIBLY. I AM SORRY THEY ARE NOT HERE.

IF YOU SAY HE IS YOUR BROTHER THEN THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. MAYBE HE WILL STILL ARRIVE.

i kind of agree.

oh no killing anybody sorry. it's a religious and cultural coming of age ritual. after it you're responsible for your own actions and you're considered a full member of the community. but you don't kill anything you just have to memorize some stuff and read some crap in front of people and do a project.

yeah! exactly! i love those movies and books! and no, i have round ones that stick out.

ugggh online is forever, i feel you. how are you fucked up? (instead of crippled lol)

i don't know why we do it. like humans treat each other like shit over gender and sexuality and religion and ethnicity. we're not good.

it is.

yeah? thanks dude.

i kinda hope he stays where he's safe.

I WILL NOT LIE TO YOU. THE IDEA OF HAVING TO MEMORIZE SOMETHING AND RECITE IT IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IS A LOT MORE INTIMIDATING THAN HAVING TO KILL SOME MONSTERS AFTER YOU FIND YOUR ARMS. HOW DID YOURS GO? DID YOU SLAUGHTER THE MASSES METAPHORICALLY WITH YOUR RELIGIOUSLY MEANINGFUL WORDS?

THEY ARE A PRODUCT OF GENIUS HUMAN TALENT, I WILL ADMIT. THE EPIC LOVE STORY MOVES ME DEEPLY. IT ALWAYS MAKES ME WEEP.

MY EARS ARE POINTED AND ALSO STICK OUT.

TROLL ROMANCE IS COMPLICATED. I MISREAD TROLLS AND HUMANS A LOT. I AM WHAT THEY WOULD CALL "SOCIALLY INEPT" IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT PICKED UP WHAT I HAVE PUT DOWN YET. I USED TO BE WORSE, BUT I STILL MISINTERPRET EVERYTHING. I ALREADY THOUGHT YOU WERE PALE FLIRTING WITH ME EARLIER. I BURN FOR THE ULTIMATE ROMANCE AND TEND TO OVERANALYZE EVERYTHING. BUT I ALSO HAVE A TENDENCY TO SELF-EXPLODE MY OWN OPPORTUNITIES. I AM AN ASSHOLE, BASICALLY. AND I AM OBSESSIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE AS ALL FUCK.

PLUS THE WHOLE BLOOD THING BUT THAT IS ANOTHER SOB STORY FOR ANOTHER SOB SESSION.

HATE IS A POWERFUL EMOTION. IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EMOTIONS, BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE EMPTY HATE OF BIGOTRY LIKE THAT. IT IS BASELESS. HATE SHOULD BE "PURE" (HA!) IN THAT YOU HATE SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY ARE A PERFECT RIVAL FOR YOU - NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU SEE THEM AS "DIFFERENT" OR "LESS THAN." THAT IS PATHETIC AND INAUTHENTIC HATRED.

I WOULD TYPICALLY SAY THAT A LITTLE DANGER IS HEALTHY FOR ONE'S PERSONAL GROWTH, BUT TO RESPECT YOUR CULTURAL DIFFERENCES I WILL INSTEAD SAY THAT I HOPE HE STAYS WHERE HE IS SAFE AND SOFT TOO. SO HE CAN REMAIN A WEAK HUMAN IGNORANT OF VIOLENCE. IS THAT NICE SOUNDING? I AM BEING SINCERE IN CASE THAT WASN'T OBVIOUS. THIS IS NOT SARCASTIC. NEITHER WAS THAT. OR THAT.

OR THAT.

i did good actually! i was so so nervous but i totally didn't fuck it up! and my project went well too - i did a book drive. which is so dorky.

the love story? you mean sam and frodo?

that sounds cool tho.

dude i'm kinda socially inept too so i get it. i'm sorry you haven't had the ultimate romance yet. i only ever have had one proper romance if it makes you feel better, and only recently.

you can tell me all about it sometime. i have a lot of experience with sad bois.

i am kind of worried that i understand what you're saying perfectly. i spent most of my life with a rival.

haha thanks dude :)

CONGRATULATIONS ON BECOMING AN ADULT IN YOUR SOCIETY.

OBVIOUSLY. IT IS THE LOVE STORY OF THE AGES. TRANSCENDS EVERY QUADRANT. THEIR JOURNEY TOGETHER IS EVERY ROMANTIC'S DREAM IS IT NOT. HOW COULD YOU NOT WANT TO TRAVEL ACROSS A WARTORN LAND WITH A SPECIFIC GOAL IN MIND AND COMPLETELY DEVOTE YOURSELF TO THE PERSON CARRYING THAT CAUSE?

MY GANDERBULBS ARE STARTING TO LEAK JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

I HAVE HAD AN ULTIMATE ROMANCE FROM ANOTHER TIMELINE FROM THIS. I WILL FONDLY REMEMBER IT FOREVER AND MISS IT AND PROBABLY CRY ABOUT IT A LOT. BUT APPARENTLY, THIS TIMELINE HAS DIFFERENT PLANS FOR MY TENDER HEART. MINE WAS ALSO RECENT. WHAT WAS YOUR ROMANCE LIKE?

SAD BOIS?

THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE THE IDEAL KISMESIS. I ENVY YOU. THAT iS NOT EASY TO FIND. THEY MOTIVATE YOU TO BE A BETTER PERSON BY AGGRAVATING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU AND CHALLENGING YOU IN WAYS OTHER RELATIONSHIPS WOULDN'T. IT IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY IF DONE RIGHT.

3:D

thank you.

i mean i'm not super fond of the wartorn part, but the rest? yeah, it's kind of awesome sounding.
what 'quadrants' do you mean?

i'm sorry for your heartbreak.
it was kinda weird i guess because it started in a fake reality? like we thought we'd lived whole other lives and so it felt like i'd known him for a long time. but when we woke up from it i still liked him and he actually liked me back, which is a novelty. he was way too cool and hot for me.

i'm just teasing. i mean like if you're really sad about things and need to talk about it.

you think so? i've always thought and been told it would be better not to feel that way. but i'll admit sometimes i do sort of miss it. which i figured is fucked up.

THE WARTORN PART PROVIDES THE ROMANTIC BACKDROP. IT RAISES THE STAKES.

TROLLS HAVE DIFFERENT VARIATIONS OF ROMANCE THAT ARE ORGANIZED INTO QUADRANTS. THERE ARE FOUR OF THEM HENCE THE "QUAD". I COULD DRAW YOU A CHART IF IT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN LEARNING ABOUT.

THANK YOU. I AM HONESTLY TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE OR RIP MY OWN SKIN OFF AND EAT IT OR SOMETHING EQUALLY DISTURBING AND HIDEOUSLY VIOLENT.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAKE REALITY. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ENTERED A BIZARRE TIMELINE. IF YOU FEEL YOU HAD LIVED IT, YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE LIVED IT. I AM SORRY. THAT SOUNDS BOTH EXCRUCIATINGLY TRAGIC AND EQUAL PARTS ROMANTIC.

MY BOYFRIEND WAS ALSO WAY TOO COOL AND HOT FOR ME BUT ALSO IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE I EVER SAID THAT, ESPECIALLY HIM IF HE SHOWS UP, I WILL KILL YOU AND ALSO YOUR CHERISHED FAMILY.

WELL. THANK YOU.

HUMANS ARE OBSESSED WITH DENYING THEIR FEELINGS, I SWEAR. IF YOU WERE NOT MEANT TO FEEL THEM THEN WHY DO YOU FEEL THEM? IT DOES NOT SEEM FUCKED UP. IT IS ONLY FUCKED UP IF ONE OF YOU WAS ACTUALLY GENUINELY SUPERIOR AND JUST TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE OTHER AND ABUSING THE OTHER FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY.

ok in fiction i can agree, yeah, it does. in reality i think it might just stress me out too much to enjoy the romance.

i'm always interested to learn new stuff, dude.

yeah. yeah, i get that feeling. and thanks, i kinda do feel like it totally counts but i know some people don't. hell, he didn't think it counted at first so. and i promise not to tell anybody you said that about your boyfriend.

yeah. yeah, we are. i don't think either of us were superior exactly. i mean, i think i was morally, but it's not like i had any real power over him. he did try to kill me a lot, but he also saved my life so. i dunno. i don't think i've ever met anybody else who understood that sort of relationship.

SO SOFT. LIKE A LITTLE WRIGGLER.

I SHALL PREPARE EXTENSIVE CHARTS THEN. PLAN AN ENTIRE LESSON TO SIT DOWN FOR. MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE SEMESTER.

PART OF ME FEELS LIKE IT WAS ONLY IN DUE TIME SOMETHING DESTROYED MY ROMANTIC LIFE. THAT WAS HOW IT WAS ALL THE TIME BEFORE HIM. IT WAS POSSIBLY NAIVE TO BELIEVE ANYTHING COULD LAST. NOW I AM STARTING TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. IGNORE MY PITY PARTY THAT I DID NOT EVEN SEND RSVPS FOR.

AT LEAST HE RESOLVED HIS FEELINGS. WHAT WAS THE FOOL'S NAME?

THAT IS HOW THAT TYPICALLY GOES. MANY ATTEMPTS OF MURDER, BUT IT IS ABOUT FINDING THE EXACT RIGHT MURDER. IRONICALLY, YOUR KISMESIS WILL PROBABLY SAVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE PURELY BECAUSE THEY HAVE A SPECIFIC IDEA OF HOW YOU DESERVE TO DIE AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO HONOR THAT, INCLUDING SAVING YOUR LIFE SO THEY CAN ACCOMPLISH IT.

CONGRATULATIONS. I AM KNOWN AS SOMETHING OF A RELATIONSHIP GURU AMONG MY FRIENDS. GRANTED, THEY RARELY EVER ACTUALLY ASKED FOR MY OPINION, BUT I GAVE IT ANYWAY.

lol fuck you

i'd legit like that.

it's ok, i don't mind. i kind of feel the same way tbh. this guy was literally the only one to ever like me back.

tommy shepherd. he wasn't human.

that's exactly it!! he straight up told me once that nobody was allowed to kill me but him.

you just see clearly.

FUCK *YOU.*

REALLY? WELL. ALL RIGHT THEN. YOU REALLY WOULD BE A SEER. I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN THE PREPARATIONS ARE DONE.

HOW VERY IRONIC. MY BOYFRIEND WAS A HUMAN AND I, OBVIOUSLY, AM NOT. CROSS-SPECIES RELATIONSHIPS ARE INVALUABLE. I APPRECIATE HOW OPEN-MINDED YOU ARE.

YES, YOU TRULY ARE EXPLAINING AN IDEAL BLACK ROMANCE.

I ENJOY RELATIONSHIPS AND TRY TO APPROACH THEM WITH AS LEAST BIAS AS POSSIBLE, I SUPPOSE.

no u.

awesome, i eagerly await.

it was pretty weird. he was really fast and his brother was some sort of hyperpowered witch or whatever, so i was kinda like... do you know superman? in the comics he had a dumbshit human sidekick named jimmy olsen. that was basically me.

ok thinking about ANY form of romance with my old frenemy kinda makes me want to set my skin on fire.

well, they're really important. interpersonal connection is what gives most people a sense of belonging in the world. when you're all alone it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing whatever you're alive to do.

[Rereading that, Kyle feels suddenly overwhelmingly depressed. It's a feeling he knew very well in University, one that had faded some being engaged in trying to help people on Agra-10. And now here he was again, more or less purposeless.

Annoyed at himself, he resolved to go to the Archive more this week, dig into more books about blood types.]

DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF HIM? YES, I KNOW OF SUPERMAN. HUMANITY'S BONER FOR THEIR DREAM OF A COMPASSIONATE GOD-LIKE BEING BLESSING THEM WITH HIS ABILITIES. ALTHOUGH IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN HE ORIGINALLY STARTED AS AN EVIL OPPRESSIVE BASTARD.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. MY BOYFRIEND WAS A TIME-TRAVELING BADASS AND I WAS JUST HERE SCREAMING AND TRYING TO HERD MY FRIENDS LIKE PURRBEASTS.

HUMANS HAVE A VERY ISOLATED IDEA OF ROMANCE.

RELATIONSHIPS DEFINE WHO WE ARE. THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT. WITHOUT EACH OTHER, WE MIGHT AS WELL BE MINDLESS AMOEBAS WAITING TO DIE. IT IS MY OPINION THAT WE ARE ALIVE TO BE WITH ONE ANOTHER.

Edited 2021-10-10 20:20 (UTC)

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kyley_b - 2021-10-10 21:22 (UTC) - Expand

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Re: cw: themes of racism and caste systems, kinda suicide

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cw: vague cancer mention but also not at all ..the normal kind also wow im sending u so many longies

cw: vague cancer mention but also not at all ..the normal kind

Re: cw: vague cancer mention but also not at all ..the normal kind

cw: vague cancer mention but also not at all ..the normal kind

cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

Re: cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

Re: cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

Re: cw: cannibalism, killing babies, extremely literal talk of reproductive organs

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