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un: timaeusTestified | text | Birthday Boy
Turning 21 has been a completely underrated experience. I was expecting the blackout and loss of time. Even the warping to a new place isn't out of the realm of estimated probability.
But being genetically altered is a plot twist. I assume it is so we can fuck the monsters.
I call dibs on the raven dude.
cw: looots of kink/fetish/nsfw jokes/conversation going on in this here post.
But being genetically altered is a plot twist. I assume it is so we can fuck the monsters.
I call dibs on the raven dude.
cw: looots of kink/fetish/nsfw jokes/conversation going on in this here post.
awww dirk
The place he was before Trench, Kyle did have a boyfriend... whom he's convinced would have dropped him in a second for the boyfriend he'd had back in his home reality. So this is no different.
Kyle is a convenient bed warmer. He's not part of anybody's OTP.
It takes him a while to reply.]
i'm not going to get all 'how dare you' because i have a little brother i'd die for, too. so i get it. but threaten me again and i will absolutely kick your ass.
i am not telling you details about my partner. especially not now.
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You won't. You wouldn't be able to touch me.
Fine, that's fair. For what it's worth, your defensiveness of him is pretty cute. Glad to know he has someone here.
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damn right it's fair you just bitched me out about not being good enough for him!
look i guess like
i can trust that you won't hurt him, right?
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I'd rather cut my own balls off and eat them than hurt Karkat Vantas. I probably won't even talk to him. He literally deserves better than having to talk to me for longer than two seconds. Dude's probably the best person any of us have ever met even if he's wildly sensitive.
Of course, I bitched you out, man. I gotta. It's brotherly law. Plus when you know a good dude you gotta grind on their new partner a bit to see how dedicated they are. Grow some self-esteem in your own relationship. It's leaking in your talk with Usagi. If you're going to date someone else's boyfriend, fucking commit and own that shit.
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yeah, he really is. both the best and wildly sensitive. he'll probably freak out when he finds out you're here, that's why i asked. but i trust you.
[Ow. Fuck. Deep breaths, stay nice.]
he's not somebody else's boyfriend.
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I guess if you're fucking Karkat you're probably not that weak, so I'll give you that. I don't think anyone from our world could date someone who is weak.
He probably will, but he freaks about everything so that's inevitable. Just assure him we're chill and I'll leave him alone. Got no beef with him dating another dude. Our timelines are fucking weird anyway, as I'm sure you already know.
(Hmmm.)
Technically, he is. Unless he came here single or from a different timeline where he's not with Dave, in which case please tell me to fuck right on off.
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yeah, he does. and thanks. november was kinda rough and i don't want him to get worried or whatever. so, yeah. we're chill.
well, no.
but he's my boyfriend now.
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No problem.
Okay, so he's your boyfriend now. Congratulations on bagging the hot troll.
(Entirely sincere here.
And three seconds later:)
Are you really not going to tell me how good he is in bed?
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i'm not swinging my dick around! also you started it.
cool.
THANK you.
no! we just met!
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Yeah, I did. I had to make an impression.
What why not that's so lame. Do you know how non-existent troll porn is? They don't make ANY, dude. I guess they have a lot of nasty literature, but that's not the same sometimes.
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well it worked if you were trying to get me all fucking aggro.
of course they don't have porn, they have the threat of death every time they cum!
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Yeah, yeah, I know. The universe made one of the most naturally sexy aliens and then put the biggest fucking stipulation on them. Literally.
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it really did. god the collective trauma of that shit is intense.
oh, there's another troll here, equius? i dunno if you guys get along.
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This does beg the question though: are you hot?
Equius? Oh, yeah. I used his dead body once for a sprite. That sounds nefarious but it was quite commonplace back in the session. He seems like an okay dude. I respect his love of robots and muscles and horses. He gets it.
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no. not even a little bit. well, i have a cute butt but that's literally all i have going for me by human standards.
yeah he's pretty cool. and it's ok, i know you guys were in a pretty dire situation in not really going to judge you guys for what you had to do.
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Lame. I mean, the ass thing is nice at least, but that's only really a point in your favor if you have dedicated your life to being a bottom. Which you don't strike me as that. You strike me as a switch.
Yeah. I would have honestly expected him or anyone else to do the same with my dead body if I could die. It's sort of a waste not to.
As hard as I went on you, you do seem like a chill dude. I can see why Karkat is with you.
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ok i sort of want to ask why but i'm also scared of what you're gonna say about me.
and yeah, it's totally lame but whatever. it doesn't really matter now, and there's worse things than being ugly. i could be stupid.
yeah there was an understanding.
i try to be and often don't succeed. but thanks. i really would do anything for him.
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Is stupidity really worse than being ugly? Most people can't help but be stupid, but looks can be improved upon in most cases. You can't be that ugly. Dave was a perfect 10, as all Striders are, so I'm sure Karkat wouldn't downgrade that significantly.
I can tell. That's cute. And probably completely necessary. We don't half-ass anything in our world. Can't afford to.
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it's way worse, it's fucking dangerous.
if i'm generous i'm a 5. so, yeah, sorry, he did. but i don't think he subscribes to human beauty standards, it's more like, emotional.
i wouldn't half ass anything, no.
[He's tempted to just type 'I LITERALLY DIED FOR HIM' but he doubts that will gain him any good boyfriend points. Absolutely nothing he does will make him close to Dave levels to this guy.
And probably not to Karkat, to hear this guy tell it.
Best not to think about it.]
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You're defiant in the way a bottom is, but more stern and self-defending like a top. Your apparent emotional vulnerability and intensity translate to me that you are comfortable with someone taking control of a situation if they do it the right way. But your brash attitude tells me that you are more than happy to be the one taking control of a situation and that you are probably pretty good at it.
I'd even bet you prefer topping but mostly so you can maintain a sense of bossy control.
Also, the fact that you are a certified monster fucker - sorry, alien fucker, means you're definitely kinky and open-minded.
I feel like there is something to be said about intellectualism here, but generally, I agree with you. I would argue that hot stupid people are good at surrounding themselves with smart people.
Send me a picture of yourself so I can judge. I'll see you soon anyway so you might as well say yes now.
(Man, Dirk really is bossy as shit.
Funnily enough, dying for Karkat would totally rack up serious boyfriend points. But Kyle's right in that regard. Dirk had a fixed bias.)
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so you think i'm bossy.
i don't think you have to be necessarily kinky to have alien sex, it's just being accepting of physical differences, that's all.
point, if only because hot people attract other people period. some of them are bound to be smart.
you don't know that i might just avoid you forever because you're a dick.
[Kyle knows that sometimes it's just easier to give in. So he snaps a picture.
He looks unimpressed, which isn't unusual. He has no concept of How To Selfie, so there's no attempt at a best angle or lighting. He could definitely be described as a stork in a red fright wig.
At least Varian helped him get some Trench clothes so he doesn't look like a total schlub.]
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Maybe not, but most people wouldn't refer to it as vanilla either. Is it really just a physical difference? Cross-species relations feel deeper than that somehow. I know their quadrant system is complex and requires certain fulfillment.
Yeah, I am a dick. But you won't avoid me forever.
(Point proved a second later when Kyle sends over a picture. It definitely isn't what he's expecting, but after a second, it doesn't feel surprising either.
For equal trade, he sends his own selfie back. He, on the other hand, is photogenic as fuck from any angle and is generally just a great-looking dude with a built body.)
Anyway, you're not that bad. You look more bitter than ugly.
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dude that quadrant system is fucking smart! and i'd say it's deeper in terms of relationships for sure, but if we're talking fetishes i feel like that's mostly purely sexual? i might be way off base though, it's not my area of expertise.
[Oh shit. Oh SHIT he's hot. It stands to reason Dave would be hot, too.
Fuck. Fuuuuuck.]
i'm not bitter.
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It is incredibly smart. It's intuitive to individual needs. In my defense, the kismesis thing is definitely a kink for someone you can get off with that you fight with. That's pretty kinky if you ask me.
(Yup, sorry Kyle.)
Sure you're not.
With the right hairstyle, you could pass for a seven.
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i mean it COULD be, but you don't HAVE to fuck a kismesis.
i'm really not! i am tired.
bullshit, but thanks. the hair is a disaster, i know.
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