text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

[klawful]

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.


...


ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Comments

text hell yes

[klawful]

OH TRUST ME, BUDDY, I LIVED MY OWN FIFTY SHADES OF FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY BECAUSE OF THIS.

MOST PEOPLE WOULD BE MORE GRATEFUL BECAUSE OF A NEW SET OF POWERS.

BUT I AM SORRY ABOUT THE TRAUMA. THAT ACTUALLY DOES SUCK. IS HE OKAY?

(He was going to feel guilty about that, sincerely.)

YEAH, ALL RIGHT, BUT BEFORE THAT I WAS LIKE "HEY SOMETHING IS FUCKED UP-" C'MON. COMMON SENSE, PEOPLE.

I WAS TRYING TO ATTEMPT A COMBINATION OF COMPUTER SCIENCE AND BLOOD MAGIC. IT TECHNICALLY WORKED, BUT NOT QUITE THE WAY I HAD ANTICIPATED.

[droptheious]

GOOD! It would have been pretty awful if you got through that without a taste of your own medicine!!! But are you okay, I guess? It was bad.

I don't want ANY powers! I definitely didn't want EXTRA powers!

No, he's not!!! He had a bunch of trauma dredged up! He's the opposite of okay!!

He's a knight! If he sees there's trouble, he's gonna try to help, which is what he did!

[Or he was just dicking around on his phone- either could be true for Fern but he's not giving any leeway on his RIGHTEOUS ANGER and put his himbo boyfriend in the mire.]

HOW do you mix computer science and blood magic? I'm an alchemist so that's a genuine question.

[klawful]

YEAH, MAN, I'M OKAY. I THINK I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES. I NEVER WANT TO SMILE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE. MORE IMPORTANTLY MY POOR BOYFRIEND WAS OKAY. HE WAS PULLED INTO IT EVEN LESS WILLING THAN I.

OKAY, NO EXTRA POWERS. WAIT. WHY NO EXTRA? DO YOU WANT AN ABSENCE OF POWERS COMPLETELY?

YEAH. OKAY. NO. YEAH. I'M SORRY, VARIAN. I SUCK AT APOLOGIES BUT I KNOW HOW MUCH I WOULD FREAK THE ABSOLUTE FUCK OUT IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO MY BOYFRIEND. I WOULD JUST SHOW UP AT THEIR NEST. FUCK CALLING A PHONE.

I RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND. MY BROTHER IS A KNIGHT. KNIGHTS ARE THE COOLEST, MOST BADASS AND DEPENDABLE PEOPLE WE KNOW. THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. AGAIN, MY BAD. CAN I MAKE IT UP TO HIM SOMEHOW?




OH. WELL. THAT'S COMPLEX. IT WOULD BE EASIER TO JUST SHOW YOU.

[droptheious]

Glad to hear you're okay. I mean as shenanigans that go in this place, it was relatively low on the doom scale. Sounds like Kyle had a bad time, too.

Exactly. I don't want any powers AT ALL. I wasn't born with powers, I don't like having powers- I mean I make fire now. And my boyfriend is made of grass. And my powers are tied to my emotions. Like you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know how that is a bad combination.

That's fair. Apology accepted. I mean at least you didn't do it on purpose. And yeah he really is the coolest very dependable. He likes swords. Or bones. If you want to make it up to him.

...I'm not gonna catch anything if I look at it am I?

wow i def did not mean to type brother in that last tag omg..

[klawful]

YES...A VERY BAD TIME...

OH SHIT. YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE LITERAL WORST COMBINATION EVER. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WEARING MORE WOOL? IT IS A NATURAL FIRE RETARDANT. PLUS IT IS COZY AS FUCK.

THANK YOU. HE SEEMS COOL. I WILL MAKE HIM A SWORD MADE OUT OF BONES.

NO, NOT AT ALL. THAT MUCH I CAN ASSURE YOU. SOME OTHER DUDE AND I ARE THINKING ABOUT SETTING UP A LAB FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. IN THE MEANTIME, I CAN JUST SHOW YOU MY SETUP.

lmao it's all good I had no idea it wasn't right

[droptheious]

You know, wool isn't a bad idea. I might be able to soak it in some chemical solutions. Probably not the most attractive looks ever but it might make things marginally safer than they have been.

[Besides, Fern has a WEIRD liking for woolly sweaters, he might be able to make it work. ]

He IS cool, and he would love that a whole lot. It would do wonders in making things right.

Okay, sure. I'll bite. Scientific curiosity and everything. I have plenty of lab equipment, too. If you need it.

[klawful]

WHO NEEDS ATTRACTIVE LOOKING WHEN YOU HAVE PRACTICALITY.

PERHAPS YOU COULD GET A VIAL OF PALEBLOOD TO KEEP ON YOU? IT CAN SOOTHE PEOPLE AND MAYBE IF YOU ARE SOOTHED, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR POWERS MORE EFFECTIVELY. I DO BELIEVE OUR POWERS ARE MEANT TO WORK TOGETHER, FUNCTIONALLY, TO REACH OUR POTENTIAL.

SWEET. OKAY. I WILL WORK ON THAT. THANKS FOR THE TIP.

OH WAIT. OKAY. HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LIKE COMPUTER SCIENCE THOUGH?

[droptheious]

Practicality is probably the better option there. We can make it work.

Oh, that's a good idea. I live with a couple of palebloods, so I can ask them to help out. As much as I don't like leaning into the new blood powers, it's something we're stuck with so I guess I have to suck it up and learn to live with it.

No problem.

...Very minimal stuff. I'm from the early 1800s. So anything I have learned, I've learned in my time in the dream and here. I'm better with alchemy and engineering.