text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

[klawful]

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.


...


ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Comments

[klawful]

SOMEONE WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. THAT OR SOMEONE FROM A VERY DIFFERENT PSYCHOLOGICAL SOCIETY.

YOUR FRIENDS SOUND LAME.

(It's true. And God, he was dedicated to his craft.)

[forwantofahorse]

[Now Sayo is the one getting frustrated at her inability to frazzle Karkat. It seemed like he'd be so easy to set off like a firework after that post! Is she losing her touch?

It's time to switch tactics.]

I don't know about lame, but they certainly seem nice from what I've got to know of them in my time here.

And so do you for giving me this warning! Thank you. You seem like a good person.

[klawful]

(Poor Sayo. It's true enough that he's easy to set off. He's just weird to set off.

The tactic switch is a pretty good idea though.)

NICE *IS* LAME.



WHATEVER. I'M REALLY NOT THAT.

(Is he embarrassed? Absolutely.)

[forwantofahorse]

[He almost sounds like a caricature of Kanon. Sayo can't help but laugh.]

Even if you backloaded your apology with a bunch of lecturing, you still apologized! That makes you a good person in my book.

But how is being nice lame? Being nice is, well... nice?

[Sayo, personally, disagrees with what she's writing, but it is what Shannon would say.]

[klawful]

YOUR BOOK IS QUESTIONABLE THEN.

BECAUSE BEING NICE USUALLY MEANS YOU'RE A FUCKING PUSHOVER. NO ONE ACTUALLY WANTS TO HAVE A NICE PERSON IN THEIR LIFE. THEY USUALLY ARE BORING AND TO SOME EXTENT DISHONEST AS FUCK.

[forwantofahorse]

[Sayo's eye twitches. Now it's Karkat who's managed to hit one of her sore points entirely by accident. Oh, how the turns table.]

I don't think being nice necessarily means being dishonest. [Yes she does.] If anything, it means being more honest with your feelings so you can have a better relationship! [said like a lying liar who lies.]

[klawful]

DOESN'T IT THOUGH? BEING NICE USUALLY INVOLVES PRETENDING NOT TO BE ANNOYED WHEN YOU ACTUALLY ARE. LYING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TO SAVE SOMEONE ELSE THE GRIEF. BEING NICE IS LITERALLY *ALL* ABOUT DISHONESTY.

THAT IS SO STUPID. THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. NICE PEOPLE LET THEMSELVES GET PUSHED INTO A CORNER BY EVERYONE ELSE. PEOPLE DON'T GET ANYWHERE BY BEING *NICE* ALL THE TIME.

(He's going to push on that point so hard this table boutta break. RIP Sayo.)

[forwantofahorse]

But if you make yourself naturally nice, you don't need to lie! It's as simple as that!

[How had this backfired on her so badly?! Did Karkat somehow find a copy of Confession?]

cw: vomit

[klawful]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES "NATURALLY NICE" EVEN ENTAIL?

LIKE. LET'S SAY YOU MEET A REAL FUGLY PERSON. THEY ASK, HEY, DO YOU THINK I'M PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL? ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO BE LIKE, "NO, YOUR FACE MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT INTO MY OWN WASTE HOLE. HOWEVER, YOUR PERSONALITY IS INCREDIBLE."

OR WILL YOU *LIE* AROUND THE SUBJECT LIKE, "OH, YOU ARE SO CUTE, BETHANEE-ANN-MARIE. YOU'RE JUST ADORABLE." MEANWHILE, YOUR EYES ARE STINGING BECAUSE YOU ARE SO REPULSED BY HER APPEARANCE.

(WHOOPS. Sorry, girl. He's really going on here.)