text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

[klawful]

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.


...


ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Comments

[survivalthroughhate]

[Again, Maul ignores the first half of the text, but this more has to do with the second half that he's reading. Waitaminute--]

.............

[Maul begins to think this over.]

Are you saying that you get off on violence done to you?

[Cause if so, that just changed his whole game plan. He can't beat up someone who is just going to enjoy it. That just won't give anyone much satisfaction except for maybe the troll in question.]

[klawful]

ONLY WHEN MY BOYFRIEND DOES IT.

ALTHOUGH I DO ENJOY FIGHTING SOMETIMES. VIOLENCE IS FAIRLY NORMAL WHERE I COME FROM. I PERSONALLY WOULD NOT FIND THIS APPROPRIATE WORTH THE EFFORT, BUT IF YOU'RE THAT BENT OUT OF SHAPE ABOUT IT, IT'S WHATEVER. I CAN'T EXACTLY TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Oh thank the Force, at least he doesn't have to deal with the weirdo troll WANTING him to beat him up.]

It certainly would make me feel far better to break a few of your bones.

[klawful]

OKAY. FAIR ENOUGH.

WHEN I WAS A WIGGLER I USED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY CRABDAD WHEN I WAS REALLY UPSET. I COULD NEVER WIN BUT HE WOULD HUMOR ME ANYWAY AND THEN I'D JUST SCREAM UNTIL I WAS HOARSE.

SO, LIKE. I GET IT. I DO ASK THOUGH THAT YOU DO NOT DO ANYTHING TO SHED ANY OF MY BLOOD. IT IS A CULTURAL PRIVACY THING. LIKE, BREAK MY ARM, TOTALLY COOL, AND I REALIZE THIS IS KIND OF EXPOSING MYSELF BUT YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE A SHITTY PERSON SO I'M GOING ON A LIMB HERE.

(Actually, he's reading Kyle's conversation with Maul very closely and if Kyle trusts this guy, then so does Karkat. It makes him much calmer about this situation.)

[survivalthroughhate]

Very well then. I know plenty of ways to make a person hurt that doesn't involve shedding their blood.

[Ominous words to be certain given all the ways Maul was thinking of making this troll hurt. He was assuming he had an anatomy similar to a human being's so that would narrow down what he might want to do to him to make him feel immense pain.]