text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

[klawful]

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.


...


ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Comments

[eudaimonikos]

I wanna say that the idea is zero, but if you have to work down to that, one is better!

[It's about progress, not perfection!]

[klawful]

I WILL TRY HARDER IN THE FUTURE. THANK YOU FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND ADVICE. I WILL BE HONEST, I DO NOT KNOW IF I AM CAPABLE OF GOING TO ZERO, BUT ONE PARAGRAPH WITH CODDLING INSULTS IS PRETTY GENEROUS.

LIKE MAYBE INSTEAD OF THE MORON MAYOR, THEY ARE ONLY THE SECRETARY TO THE MORON MAYOR.

(He's trying so hard.)

[eudaimonikos]

Hey, the trying is the important part!

[Though of course, Michael also spent most of his life without human expectations around apologizing, so his threshold for offense here is really much higher than everyone else's seems to be.]

I think it's that it makes you sound like you aren't actually sorry, if there's other stuff in there, too.
I understand how you can feel sorry and also think there were other factors at play. And I'm sure they get that in theory too.
But people have a lot of feelings about apologies.
We had a whole blowup around it, back when I started hanging out with humans.

[klawful]

YES, YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT. TRYING IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

(Succeeding was for losers. Or winners? Same difference.)

APPARENTLY SO, DAMN. WHICH I KNEW IN RETROSPECT. IT CAN BE TRICKY TO FIGURE OUT A BLEND BETWEEN SENSITIVE HUMAN EMOTIONS AND OTHER EMOTIONS.

WHEN YOU WERE IN YOUR HELL PLACE? DID YOU GUYS EVER FIGURE OUT A HAPPY MEDIUM?

[eudaimonikos]

There's really not a medium. Demons just don't do apologies or feelings.

I just learned how to acknowledge things I felt that weren't anger or sadism, mostly.
I was doing a lot of lashing out at other people because I felt bad about myself and wanted them to feel bad instead.

[klawful]

I SEE. THAT IS SORT OF REASSURING. I ALWAYS FEEL SLIGHTLY BAD FOR NOT FEELING THE SAME WAY HUMANS FELT. I RECENTLY TURNED INTO A HUMAN WHICH SUCKED MAJORLY, BY THE WAY, AND THEY HAVE LIKE.

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EMOTIONS. IT WAS OVERWHELMING.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. BAD FEELINGS MAKE US DO STUPID SHIT.

[eudaimonikos]

Do they?

I definitely started feeling new emotions after I spent enough time around them. I just assumed those were the ones they had, but I wonder if the experiences are really the same?

Impossible to say unless that happens to me, I guess.
I mean - I wouldn't mind it that much, I like them and all.
But only as long as it were temporary. Their bodies are kinda gross.

[Granted, he also thinks HIS body is gross, but at least it's a familiar gross?]