deernet | text | carcinoGeneticist

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.

...

ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

D --> For me to be disappointed in your f00lishness last lunar cycle would require that I e%pected better performance from you
D --> Just as you e%pect nothing but insane drivel and occasionally well constructed d00msday devices from me
D --> I have long learned to e%pect you to first outmaneuver yourself
D --> And then to make the performative act of shouting about how stupid you once were and what a terrible leader you were at that time

D --> Which is to say

D --> I see it is a day concluding in a y in the human calendar
D --> Karkat is performing his self deprecating rhetoric for being a f00l again

D --> Also if it were not obvious even I am not stupid enough to click your link
D --> Even when you are in your proper faculties

D -->

D -->

D -->

D --> Bitch

(What....)

(What's happening to his face right now? It's...moving...His jaw is just going up and down. Noise is projecting from his protein chute.)

(What is this??? Feeling?? Why is he shaking?)

(...By God...

He's laughing.

Because of Equius.)

(This had to be a doomed timeline. Maybe the most doomed timeline of all. How could he be amused by this sweaty nutsack of a breathing pile of shit?)

(Maybe he was dying. Yeah. That had to be it. He literally goes to lay face down on the floor and just screams his dying death throes like any reasonable troll would do.)

(But wait.

He's not dying. He's completely fine! What an asshole.)

I AM GOING TO ADMIT THIS ONCE. JUST THIS ONCE. SO SAVOR THIS MOMENT FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC, STUPID LIFE.

THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY WHAT YOU DID JUST NOW.

OKAY. LET'S GET PAST THIS DISGUSTINGLY PLATONIC BONDING MOMENT AND GO BACK TO THE PART WHERE WE DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER EVER.

D --> A pyrrhic victory as the humans would say
D --> I will treat as e%actly that

D --> Platitudes and realizations that we have both matured aside
D --> A fair warning is that you are likely to continue to encounter e%cruciatingly annoying moments like this
D --> We are not in Asgard but it follows the same format
D --> Some f00lish curse impacts our think pans from time to time
D --> And we behave not like ourselves
D --> Such e%periences are performatively embarrassing and irritating

D --> I have prepared punching bags
D --> For stress relief
D --> Do not punch mine
D --> It would not be g00d for your fronds
D --> You are not STRONG enough for that

YEAH I HAVE PICKED UP ON THAT MUCH. WHATEVER. WE CAN ADAPT. IT'S WHAT WE DO. WE ARE GOING TO ADAPT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLACE.

AT LEAST WE ARE BOTH USED TO MAKING FOOLS OUT OF OURSELVES NORMALLY. EMOTIONALLY DYING INSIDE IS PER THE USUAL.

I'M NOT PUNCHING YOUR STUPID PUNCHING BAGS. BUT I GUESS I WOULD NOT BE OPPOSED TO BEING IN THE SAME GENERAL BREATHING RESPITE AS YOU WHILE YOU PUNCH A BAG.

D --> Adaptation is not my strong point
D --> But I adapted to the City and I can manage something like that here

D --> Do not underestimate how bad it can get
D --> I am e%pecting truly glob awful shenanigans

D --> How will watching me punch bags full of rocks to pummel them into sandbags help you rela%
D --> Oh right
D --> Nostalgia

text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

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