text | carcinoGeneticist | apologies

[klawful]

HELLO FELLOW SLEEPERS. I WOULD LIKE TO PUBLICALLY OFFER MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES FOR THE TRICKSTER VIRUS I IMPLEMENTED LAST MONTH. A THEORY OF MINE GOT OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE HAD TO SUFFER FOR IT WHICH IS 100% MY BAD. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD LEADER AND INSTEAD, I FAILED YOU ALL. AS PER FUCKING USUAL.

(Karkat. Holy shit. No one thinks you're their leader. Again.)

PAST ME IS ARGUABLY THE MOST WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED IN ANY TIMELINE OR REALITY. TRULY, HE PROBABLY HUFFS CEILING CHIPS TO PUT TOGETHER BASIC SOLUTIONS. THAT GUY IS SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT SO I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR (PLATONIC) HATRED OF HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

TO BE HONEST, I WOULD SUPPORT YOUR HATRED OF CURRENT ME TOO. YOUR FEELINGS OF HATE ARE COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ME ROYALLY FUCKING SHIT UP FOR SOME PEOPLE. AGAIN, MY BAD.

I WOULDN'T EVEN JUDGE YOU FOR HATING FUTURE ME EITHER.


...


ANYWAY. NOW I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE A VERY CRUCIAL POINT: IF YOU CLICK ON A LINK SOME RANDO SENT YOU ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. YOU ARE THE DOWNFALL OF YOUR OWN SPECIES AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN IDIOTSVILLE. CONGRATULATIONS, DICKBAG, I HAVE CRAFTED A DUNCE CROWN SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOW THE MAYOR OF MORONS. DOES IT FEEL SPECIAL TO BE SO STUPID? DO YOU FEEL CONTENT IN YOUR ABYSMAL DEN OF DERELICT THINK FUNCTIONS?

I BET YOU DO, YOU GODDAMN PROTOZOIC ORGANISM. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PWNED BY THE MOST BASIC VIRUS SPREAD EVER AND IF YOU ARE EMBARRASSED, I WANT TO OFFER YOU A FIRM CLAP ON THE SHOULDER. YOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED.

BITCH.

(--Yeah, okay. Just ignore him. As he said, he gives you full permission to hate current and future him too. Starting now.)

Comments

[survivalthroughhate]

I never had the words before to describe what the two of us are to one another and now I finally to.

Keep in mind with me: I am always interested in evening the scales more than anything else when I am angry.

[The man already spent years trying to inflict as much pain and suffering on Obi-Wan as possible. Of course he'll take such an approach to the thing in his life.]

Oh, not Reaper. I meant myself. My entire lower half is missing, so you can imagine a certain amount of....imagination is needed during intimate moments with my mate.

[kyley_b]

it's a bit of a relief.
uhm. do you wanna sex yours?

so always wait for you to calm down a little, got it.

ohhhh i didn't know! damn those are some good prosthetics.
and i mean, yeah. altho they have prosthetics for that too so.

[survivalthroughhate]

Yes-- No-- I don't know--

[Maul keeps typing out and deleting answers before he finally settles on:]

Mind your own damn business.

You can certainly wait.

[Joke's on Kyle, Maul is neve really calm. Just angry, a little less angry, and very intense.]

I know. I've been considering them myself.

[It'd certainly liven up things in the bedroom for he and Reaper that way.]

[kyley_b]

ok ok sorry. no judgement, dude.

uhm i know a guy, if you're serious. dirk strider?

[survivalthroughhate]

I have my limits on what I wish to discuss with people.

[While Maul may be alright with talking about Reaper after being together with him for so long, he's still figuring out what Obi-Wan means to him on his own, and so it makes him want to be intensely private regarding those feelings.]

Oh yes. I have spoken with him before when he showed interest in my brother.

[kyley_b]

totally fair. i respect your boundaries.

oh really?
and he calls ME a monsterfucker, jeez.

[survivalthroughhate]

MY BROTHER IS NOT A MONSTER!

[Whoops, someone completely misunderstood what that term meant. Maul is back at a 15 when he'd been down to about an 8 on a scale of one to ten.]

[kyley_b]

dude i know. i know, for serious. i would never, EVER call him that. or you.

i should explain: it's a term for interspecies sex. humans are dumb squishy things who tend to other anything not us. so, because i have a relationship with an alien? i'm a monsterfucker. i actually had the same reaction as you just now. i don't think of anybody as a monster.

but conversely, karkat is ALSO a monsterfucker, because to his kind i'm a gross pink weakling creature. you're a monsterfucker too, if your boyfriend is another species than you.

look, my bad, i was joking, it came off very poorly. i am genuinely sorry, maul. i swear on my mother's name i was just trying to joke with you.

[survivalthroughhate]

Ah. I understand now. It's a Earth human thing then. I accept your apology.

You human beings and your little boxes you have to put people in. Having sex with other species is completely normal in my galaxy and nothing to be thought of as unusual. Even relationships with droids are not so uncommon as to be unheard of.

[kyley_b]

yeah sorry, we suck.

i know. like honestly, i agree, we're bad for it.
hey man droids are people too.

[survivalthroughhate]

Of that we can agree on.

Droids are droids. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a hunk of living metal.

[kyley_b]

i don't judge.

[survivalthroughhate]

You are strange. But this I already knew.