deernet | video; UN: TripleJ

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video; UN: TripleJ

[The hair. Oh dear god, the hair. Kyle's recognizable mass of curls has been gelled within an inch of its life and sculpted into a wavy helmet. And where are his sleeves?!]

Yo Trench, what up what up, it's ya boy Kyley-B!

So's I need a little help here - anybody know a place in town where you can get some dope-ass ink? Because, you know, if you look up 'too much swag' in the dictionary, there'll be a great big picture of my face, and attitude like that deserves the best, you know what I'm sayin'?

Help a guy out here.

PEACE!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WON'T LIKE IT EITHER. IF YOU STILL WANT IT IN A MONTH WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU CAN GET YOUR NIPPLES DONE IF YOU WANT. I STILL THINK YOU MIGHT NOT APPRECIATE THAT IN THE LONG RUN THOUGH.

(Oh. Oh yeah, no. That was not going to fly.)

KYLE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS OF YOUR CONFIDENCE OR AGE. YOU ARE NOT LESS BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU ARE OLDER AND SADDER. YOU ARE NOT "BETTER" THIS WAY OR "WORSE" OR WHATEVER. YOU'RE KYLE AND I LOVE YOU. THIS VERSION OF YOU IS JUST DIFFERENT AND APPARENTLY MORE RECKLESS. WHICH IS FINE, BUT I WOULD BE AN AWFUL MATE IF I DID NOT PROVIDE A BIT OF DAMAGE CONTROL.

aw you don't know that.

okay okay if you hate it. jeez.

karkat you gotta be kiddin me, this is an upgrade! you'll see i'm gonna blow your hot little socks off!

being a good mate is treatin me like a dumbass?

I AM INCREDIBLY CONFIDENT ABOUT THAT.

I WOULD NOT "HATE" ANYTHING YOU GET DONE TO YOUR BODY. IT IS YOUR BODY AND I WILL ALWAYS EMBRACE YOUR CHOICES. I JUST PREFER YOUR CHOICES TO BE MADE WHEN YOU ARE CLEAR-HEADED.

THERE IS NO UPGRADE FOR YOU. UPGRADES DO NOT EXIST FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE AT THEIR HIGHEST LEVEL.

I AM NOT TREATING YOU LIKE A DUMBASS. I'M JUST APPROACHING THIS SITUATION WITH REASONABLE CAUTION. DO YOU FEEL LIKE I AM TREATING YOU LIKE A DUMBASS?

who says i'm not clear headed?

aw bb you're the sweetest. 😘

yeah you're totally actin like you think i'm doin somethin stupid.

hey. let's not fight, babe. tell you what, lemme make you dinner

OKAY, BUT YOU ARE DIFFERENT THAN USUAL.

THANKS.

OKAY. I'M SORRY I'M ACTING LIKE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

YES, LET'S DO THAT. I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.

i'll have to trust you on that.

aw it's ok i know how you get. my little leader.

dope! i'll come to your place cook you up some crickets and shit, wine and dine you. wear somethin cute for my hot stuff.

I'M NOT LITTLE. I'M SNEAKY-SIZED. BUT I AM YOUR LEADER SO THAT IS HALF CORRECT.

OKAY. I CAN DO THAT. WAIT. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR THAT'S CUTE. OKAY. SHIT. I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

you are pocket sized so GET IN MY PANTS! HAH!

see you in a few!

YEAH. OKAY, DIPSHIT.

I WILL SEE YOU SOON <3.

[He does not enter quietly. No, he lamps over and yells down the tunnels.]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAY-BEE! I'm home!

[He struts on down to the living center of the caves, hair a glorious helmet, jacket tossed over one shoulder.]

(Good lord he has no idea what to do with this. Normally Kyle didn't seem to care too much one way or another what he was wearing, but this version seemed to care. Which made Karkat scramble and put together a somewhat stylish outfit. Or he hoped anyway.

Maybe he should have gone something for a bit more spicy but whatever. It was done and Kyle was on his way. God, this asshole. When he sees him, he's irritated at himself for actually kind of being into the vibe Kyle had going. He liked assholes, okay.

And he kind of liked being called pet names apparently.)

Hey, Kyle.

Babe! LookitCHU!

[He tosses his jacket aside, crosses the room, picks Karkat up and kisses him hard.]

(Okay. This Kyle really wasn't that bad. Maybe just a bit overzealous. That wasn't a problem. He blushes almost immediately when Kyle scoops him up and lands one on him. Oooohkay. Okay.

Yeah. Not bad at all. His arms automatically go around Kyle's neck and he can't help but smile a little.)

Hi. (He nuzzles Kyle after the kiss, lifting his legs to hook them around Kyle's waist because why the fuck not? Kyle could keep him up.) Your hair looks neat.

I know. Hair gel, babe, never leave home without it.

[He keeps a grip on Karkat as he walks toward the kitchen, finally plopping him on a counter.]

Think I promised you dinner, 'less I should just eat you instead. [Another kiss.]

I'm not using that shit.

(Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man he really is just a big old bitch for Kyle no matter what he was like, huh? He squeezes his legs around Kyle tightly, hugging him with his whole body. Even if this version was a weirdo, Karkat was happy to see he was at least okay.)

You can have me later for dessert. I'm starving and you did promise. (He kisses Kyle back anyway because the two of them are absolutely disgusting. He kisses Kyle again before leaning back to get a good look at him. He can't help but laugh a little.)

So, what is your story, Kyley-B? You're not the sad older Kyle. So what's this one then? Did you join some gang?

You shouldn't. It's for me.

[After some decidedly filthy tongue action, Kyle pulls back and moves to go to the pantry.]

Thank god. What a drag that guy was. Nah, this is just me, babe. Kyley-B, from West Jersey, son of S-Wow Tittybang. It's in my blood, always has been.

Yo, you want the big cricket things?

[Apparently even in this state he can cook.]

He wasn't a drag. He was older and had a lonely life. (Even to Kyle, Karkat was going to be defensive of Kyle to Kyle. He loved that older Kyle just as much.)

Respectfully, babe, you are definitely different than usual. (He reluctantly loosens his legs around Kyle. At least he still remembered that they were dating.)

Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Loooooooooooooooser.

[He pulls the big container of crickets (or something like them) out and takes them to the kitchen counter. He gets some butter from the fridge, and digs out a pan. Humming, he sets about frying them up.]

You have a nice day, babe?

He's not a loser! (He doesn't mean to get quite so worked up, but it was Kyle.) You're just a fucking kid in comparison to him. You have no idea what his life has been like or what he felt like. I'm glad I got to meet him.

(And provide some companionship, no matter how temporary.)

You should be kinder to other versions of yourself, dude.

(Not that he was much better. He refused to talk about his human version still. That was so embarrassing. He crawls across the island and sits on his knees, watching Kyle intently.)

It was okay. I mostly stayed inside. I hate this snow shit. I mean, it's okay in small doses, but mostly it's so cold. (And it got everywhere.) It takes forever to warm up. (He watches Kyle's back as he cooks, mildly mesmerized by his shoulders. Mmmmm. Boyfriend shoulders.)

Did you have an okay day? Are you still going to mutilate your body?

[Kyle glances over, concern finally breaking through his cocky façade. It makes him look much more like his usual self.]

Aw, hey baby, don't be like that. I'm just kiddin, mostly. You really liked him, huh? Even if he was way less sexy? [He thinks.] Or you like the whole DILF thing. You are freaky. I love it.

Yeah, we gotta keep you all bundled up, which is a pity. Dude, maybe summer will be fuckin sweet here! There's a beach, we can go sit in the sun every day and relax, it'll be great.

I'm thinkin about it. It might not even last if I shed huh?

He wasn't less sexy! He was sexy in a mature way. (He does begin to blush because man, so what if he was into the DILF thing? So sue him. He dated hot people. He huffs at Kyle, ears pinned down.) It's perfectly natural to want to bone your boyfriend even when he's older. I didn't even get to have sex with you when you were older.

(Was he sad about that? Yes, maybe. What of it.)

That would be nice. Might seer my fucking eyes though. (He hadn't gone to the beach much even when he first got here. It had already started to be too cold by then.)

Maybe not. But if it does, you might not be thrilled.

You coulda, you know. He was into you. [Just rub it in, Kyle.]

We'll get you really good sunglasses made. The roided up troll must be able to make those.

[Crickets seasoned and crisped, he tosses them onto a plate and plunks it down in front of Karkat.]

You're so against the idea. I don't get it.

What?! Really? (He holds his hands over his face. It's so weird having a constant crush on every iteration of your own boyfriend. But here he was.) I thought I would have like scared him off.

(Uggggh. He eases into a chair to dig into the crickets. He really was hungry.)

Yeah, I guess we can do that. (He watches Kyle, sighing.) I'm only against the idea because...I don't know. It feels wrong to encourage you to alter your body while you're not in your typical mindset.

Of course! You're a hot piece of troll ass, babe!

I mean, you'da probably had to coax him into it a little bit, but once you got goin there's no way he wouldn't have gone full perv.

What if I'm like this forever?

Yeah, but he seemed so gunshy about the whole me being younger thing! I was trying to be respectful! (Of human culture things. He doesn't know! Now he's just groaning into his hands. Maaaan. That would have been hot too.)

I almost seduced him too and then I was like, no, don't be a little freak.

(Ugh. He rests his chin into his hand, watching Kyle. What if he was like this forever? Hm. He knew he would miss the other Kyle. Would he still vibe with this one the same way? It was almost hard to imagine having those same vulnerable conversations with this one. He feels a flicker of nerves, but...It was a possibility.)

I wouldn't mind. Just uh. I mean. Would you still be happy with our situation? With me?

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cw: nsfw talk

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