( video | un: alucard )

[ananym]

[ he really hates doing this . . . but alucard knows he needs to commit to it. the feed turns on with him looking . . . not quite sheepish, but a tinge of irritation layered with contriteness. ]

Last month, I had the unfortunate issue of losing control of my vampiric nature and lashed out onto a number of people here. I hope you would be willing to accept my apology and if not, direct me in ways where I can make amends. I . . . do not usually need or require blood as sustenance so it took me by surprise.

My apologies. If it helps, it seems I've lost my sense of taste. Perhaps that is penance in a way.

Comments

[fogsong]

I guess it says something about the type of person you are. [ he’s a bigger person than her. she up and murdered a handful of people and beat up her sensei and never apologized for any of it.

his gratitude makes her smile, though. ]

Think you’ll be able to handle it if it happens again?

[ananym]

[ alucard lapses into silence for a brief moment. ]

I do not know. It's not a situation I ever thought to find myself in. I will look into precautions, but it feel . . . otherwordly.

[fogsong]

Otherworldly, huh? In a good way or…? [ otherworldly seems dreamy to her. ]

[ananym]

[ he pauses. ]

I am not sure. I have never denied my nature as a vampire but I have never lived the reality of it before.

[fogsong]

It seems to me like you lucked out of that part. I mean, when I saw you back then... [ she grinds her teeth gently as she mulls her words ] You seemed more like a hungry animal than a person, just so goddamn driven.

It was kind of terrifying. [ there's no 'kind of' there, honestly. he was. he was terrifying to encounter. ]

[ananym]

Mm. Though vampires are driven by thirst, they are not usually so . . . crazed. They can hold onto their sanity. Plan. Plot.

[ he had very little of those behaviors when the thirst descended upon him. ]

[fogsong]

Well, it was your first experience with it. You weren't used to it.

Honestly, kinda glad you weren't plotty and plan-y. [ she sucks in air through her teeth and winces at the idea ] Probably wouldn't have turned out too well for the people you went after.

[ananym]

[ alucard lets out a quiet breath, recalling dracula. ]

. . . No. It would not.

[fogsong]

A silver lining, then. [ you lost it but it could have been worse ]

You holding up all right? I remember what it was like after I went on a... [ there's a twitch in her expression. an echo of guilt. ] ...a vengeance-filled rampage here. It kinda makes you question yourself even if you weren't in total control.

[ananym]

[ alucard is not a great sharer by nature but . . . with sharon it feels easier. ]

Mostly embarrassed. I have never felt at odds with my nature, though I recognize I have the better of both worlds.

[fogsong]

Mm, I could see how that could make you feel embarrassed. Not that I think you should. Like I said, everyone here ends up going through something similar eventually. It's almost a rite of passage in this shithole.

[ she pauses and then she leans forward ] So, you never at all crave blood? Or get weak in the sunlight? Do you get any of the downsides of being part vampire? [ She doesn't seem to be needling him for potential weaknesses. She's just genuinely curious. ]

[ananym]

No, my human nature helps me avoid those pitfalls. There will always be a part of me that craves blood, but I do not need to subsist on it.

I still have the vampiric weaknesses to silver though.

[fogsong]

[ that is not a craving she envies ]

I always thought silver was for werewolves. In the books, vampires were weak to holy things, like a cross or holy water, and couldn't step foot on holy ground.

[ananym]

Holy things hurt, certainly and I would not do well with holy water.

But silver is best for . . . monsters.

[fogsong]

[ she makes a face when he says monsters as if she doesn't like the use of it. ]

I've dealt with monsters, here and back home, and I can pretty confidently say I don't think vampires or werewolves are monsters, even if that's what you might call them back home.

[ananym]

[ he nods, letting out a little sigh. ]

It's not a technical term. It can be accurate from time to time, though I would not paint them all with the same brush.

[fogsong]

It can be accurate when it comes to humans, too. Maybe even more so.

[ananym]

Yes. I'm well-aware of how monstrous humans can be.

[fogsong]

Yeah, you... You probably do. [ given what he is and all. fucking duh, sharon. ] Humans don't treat people that are different than them very well.

[ananym]

[ alucard falls silent for a moment. ]

No, they do not. But they are not all like that. I've seen the best and the worst. It is important to remember that both exist.

[fogsong]

[ her lips purse ]

In my experience, one of those greatly outweighs the other.

[ananym]

When you start weighing life, it leads you down dark paths.

[ "there are no innocents! not anymore!" ]

[fogsong]

Yeah. [ there is something sad in her agreement ] Yeah, I know it does.

Sometimes, that's how it has to be, though.

[ananym]

[ hmm. ]

Is it?

[fogsong]

In my experience. [ she pauses in consideration ] It's a little different for me now, but for a very long time, I saw very little good in the world. The people that claimed to be good and righteous, the ones that promised to keep you safe, they proved to be the worst out of everyone.

[ and once you've been burned by your family, both figuratively and literally, you lose the ability to see good in anyone. you become hurt and scared and angry until you become vengeful and lash out. ]