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[ video -> voice | un: keith ]

[The video was brief, kind of like that moment when you activated the camera on your phone and forgot it was in selfie mode. The omni shook and rotated, leaving the viewer with a dizzying array of scenery that was kind of blurry and hard to make out. It was dark, though, like the person broadcasting was in a closed room with no lights on.

As the video shifted, glimpses of a person could be seen. A hand... the fingernails-turned-claws bitten down short as if trying to cover the transformation... a burn scar on the right side of a face... dark, almost black, hair with a purple tint, long-ish, shaggy looking, a thin white streak with a extremely slight violet hue to it near the left temple... pale skin... deep cobalt eyes that looked exhausted with dark tired bruises underneath from lack of sleep...]

Shit-...

[And the video was gone. It was just voice now, Keith's voice, but raspier than usual, worn sounding, loaded with regret and guilt and just... sad.]

I um... [He was hesitant. Unsure.] I wanted to... apologize. [His tone faltered, like he was searching for words, having trouble forming them and getting them out.] I... I did a lot of stuff last month. Just um... Yeah. The Reckoning took care of it.

But... if you still want... you know. Fine. I understand. I won't stop you.

[And then the feed shut off.]

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[When Lance broke the contact and gingerly put that space between them, Keith released his own hold on Lance's jacket, bringing one arm up to rub across his eyes.]

N-no... it... it wasn't... [Keith didn't understand what happened. He didn't know it had been Lance's power.] It wasn't you... I... I don't know. I saw it. I saw what happened.

[He doesn't know right away what Keith means by that, still disoriented. But he knows it must have to do with what they were talking about/doing before- before. What? He needs to take a moment to try and backtrack and organize the mess that his head became in the last few minutes. He's visibly, slowly mentally putting it together and as he does, he stiffens and trembles a bit.]

What… happened- [He sucks in a sharp breath, eyes flickering around rapidly, gaze fixed somewhere on Keith's chest and to the right of him.] I-

[He feels sick and it shows as he hunches a bit. It's not the first time his memories have been shared with other people, but it is the first time they've been shared with someone from home. Someone this close. And the heaviness and fear of that is a lot to come to grips with all at the same time as not understanding just yet how it happened. And then there's the guilt at not just what he did to Allura, but that Keith had to experience it too. He zeroes in on that, maybe- maybe he can f-fix it.]

I'm sorry. I… I can take some of it… [Touch him (again), and dull the emotional pain with his powers. He can feel the distress radiating off of Keith, distress that he recognizes as his own, lingering from his own memory that Keith just experienced. It's a strange mirror within a mirror within a mirror sensation. And that's what gets him slowly realizing what happened.] I… I did this…

Mm-mm... [Keith shook his head rapidly.] No. No... [He sniffed, rubbing his face.] I'll be okay... I just... need a minute. [He'd actually had this happen once before with Sasuke's sharingan power. He took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. Granted, with Sasuke, it was no where near as personal, but, as he associated what had happened and connected the two events, he was able to reconcile it a bit more in his head.

It hadn't happened to him. It was Lance's memory. Yes, it still sucked, but he hadn't been there. And there was nothing that he could do to change it.

He just had to repeat that to himself a bit...]

I'll be okay.

[Meanwhile, the ice had done its job, melting into the flames. The barn loft smelled like a smokey sauna up there, all steamy and smokey, and just kind of yuck, but the flames were out, at least.

The animals below hadn't liked it, though, and were starting to make some noise to protest.]

Are you... are you okay?

[Yes... Keith was worried about Lance, too. That had definitely been an intense moment between them.]

[Despite Keith's assurance, he feels sick with guilt and a mounting frustration and agitation. It's hard to place why, it just feels like there's a lot that's just happened in the span of a few minutes and he didn't come here to inflict Keith with this. He's such an idiot. He shakes his head, shuddering and his hands leave Keith's shoulders as he pulls away to stand, hand restlessly turning his stabilizing gem around his wrist as he paces a couple steps to the right and then back as he talks.]

How- how can you be okay? I came up here to- to help you through what happened to you and- and then I went and did that to you. Made you see- see…

[His breaths start to come short and shallow for a second, and then he stops altogether, swallows and lets out a huff. He's here in this moment, not there. He's here to help Keith, if Keith even wants it anymore now that he's seen what Lance did and Lance made him see it, and… Keith's question catches up to him.]

No I'm not okay! Neither of us are okay! [A short pause as he finally hears the horses nervously neighing and Kaltenecker mooing.] And neither are they!

[Well, seems like he has something to put all his agitated, frustrated and terrified energy into. With that, he turns on his heel to head to the ladder down to the stables to… do something. There's nothing endangering them, they're just scared and he needs to at least be able to do something for that. Can he use his powers to be a horse whisperer? He can't think straight, he just needs to fix what he can or he's gonna lose it again.]

Lance- [Keith looked up, watching him pace, a litany of emotions on his face and none of them positive.] But- I-...

[No... no, that's not what he wanted. Keith felt a weird sense of panic rise up in his chest for a moment as Lance started to head for the ladder.]

Wait! [His voice cracked a little as he said it.] I-... I didn't say... I didn't say that I was okay. [He sniffed again, looking down at the loft floor. His hands clenched into fists again, resting on his knees where he was kneeling.] I didn't. [And, no. He hadn't said that. He said he would be okay... but that didn't mean he was at the moment.] Look, I-... [He swallowed.] I'm not good at this, okay? You know that by now.

I'm sorry. I just... I know you came to help. And that... that means a lot. Just... I don't... [Deep breath.] Don't go?

[The tone of Keith's voice when he says wait tears at his heart and he freezes only two steps into his walk. He turns to him slowly, roiling with his emotions but also getting a faint sense of Keith's even though he doesn't need to when he's talking like that. Looking like that. He clenches his teeth and his jaw trembles with emotion as he realizes he'd misunderstood.

He sniffs a little and looks down at the ground between them, eyes getting glassy. Then he takes the two steps back to where Keith sits and falls heavily back to his knees in front of him. He's silent a moment, not sure what to say as there's just so much. Too much.]

'M sorry. [It's more than just for misunderstanding and almost leaving. For everything he did and how much he failed them all and for not being enough. And he's not sure how to make any of this better or how to protect or help Keith and he just keeps messing up and hurting. It feels like apologies are not enough, so he digs deep for something more:]

What… what can I do? [To help, make it better, make up for… everything.]

[He looked up when he heard Lance turn. The panic started to ebb a little as Lance came back, and Keith watched him drop down. The apology, though...

Keith shook his head again.]

Don't. My fault. I wasn't.... clear. [Because he was afraid to admit he wasn't okay... afraid to be vulnerable and open himself up to someone because... they might leave.] I didn't want to push you away. I just don't know... how to... not do that.

I don't want to be alone. I just... I've always been before, and... it's hard to do anything else. [Like asking someone to stay.]

[He supposes that's probably true, it wasn't that clear, but Lance also took it the way he did so instantly for his own damaged reasons. Though he wants to tell Keith it's not his fault, he gets the feeling that's not an argument worth their time right now. It's not lost on him how hard this is for Keith, because he's been making some big steps himself in this conversation. And he knows Keith rather intimately.

Even when they'd started to take a romantic turn in their relationship, it took a curse to get him to admit how he felt to Lance. And perhaps it's paleblood intuition or just knowing the patterns of this world's curses by now, but he knows this is all Keith. It feels like this is too significant and fragile to be placed at his feet and he's going to end up saying or doing the wrong thing. If not now, then eventually. His chest feels tight with fear at just how vulnerable this has been for both of them now.

He forces himself to take in a shuddered breath through a tight throat. He feels raw and unsteady after everything that's led up to this moment and he can't think, so he just lets his mouth move with his gut as the conductor (not his heart, that asshole will just betray him).]

I… I know. [He hunches inward and his hand continues to twist his gem in its cuff around his wrist, which he holds to the center of his chest. Keith knows all this already, most likely, especially after holding him on the beach in the wake of Hunk leaving, but he thinks it'll help here if he explains in his own words to connect with Keith on this issue that's so difficult for him.] Since ending up in Deerington, and then here… I know what it's like to lose people. One after the other… after the other. So… it feels safer to push everyone away, or run away. And it… it wasn't just you.

[A traitor of a tear escapes his eye and he reaches up to swipe it away quickly.] I never told anyone before now… about what happened. Not even Hunk. Because… I was ashamed. And afraid… that I'd lose him, and Shiro, and the rest… [When they realized what a fuck-up and a coward he was, a monster.] S-so I wanted to run first. Before I hurt you again, and you…

[He can't get himself to say it outright, but the fear of rejection is palpable enough to choke on. The way he's shaking and a faint glow is blooming under his skin throughout this whole explanation betrays how he is still waiting for that other shoe to drop. Despite all the evidence in front of him that Keith isn't going to do that, his self hatred insists it's what he deserves. He shakes his head, throat closing up a bit. He forces a swallow. His voice shakes.]

I don't wanna be alone, either. [He hasn't been before like Keith, on that point they differ. But he feels like it's what he deserves, so sometimes he can't help but create his own fears.]

Oh. [Keith remember that first day, when he was stuck in that weird bubble of goo... he remembered how Lance had been so standoffish and yet helpful at the same time... how confused he'd been. He'd even gone to Shiro about it, trying to figure things out. He'd been scared that everything they'd developed back home was gone. And, yeah, Lance had given him a lot of reasons, and each one pieced together more and more of the puzzle.

But, knowing it wasn't just him Lance had tried to run from, that he'd even tried to run from Shiro and Hunk, his hero and best friend respectively, made him feel a little better. It wasn't just their own history that made Lance hesitant. It was everything with everyone, and that kind of settled Keith's nerves a bit about things. He was still worried about losing Lance, yes, but the idea that it might have been just him had hurt more than he realized.

That was a little startling to figure out, too.

He was glad, though... glad that Lance didn't want to be alone, either. Keith nodded a little.]

So, then... maybe we could be... not alone... together? [It had sounded better in his head, but, after saying, he kind of cringed a little at how lame it sounded out loud.]

[If Lance didn't know better, he'd think Keith just asked him out in that socially awkward Keith way of his. The emotions that course through him are stifling. It's a strange mix of grief, relief, confusion and refusal to accept something he feels he doesn't deserve on a deeper level. They flash over his face as he looks at Keith like he can't quite believe he's real.

Actually, he is genuinely concerned that he's hallucinated again and had another break with reality. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened in this way to some degree. It feels like this shouldn't be happening, the vulnerability and everything else is utterly terrifying and his throat is closing up.] I…

[His stress ticks up and he can feel tears start to spill over again from his eyes. He's also breathing weird and can't hear right, his peripheral vision darkening a bit. A panic attack, he distantly realizes. He's had one before.] Y-yea- M-may-mayb-

[He's trying to say 'maybe' through his closing up throat and his constricting lungs. For some reason, not wanting to scare Keith off because he can't seem to handle a little bit of positive growth. Everything has been bleak survival and on the verge of collapse or collapsing around him consistently for so long that this is just a bit much for him. Please hold while he tries not to faint from hyperventilating.

He hunches over, placing a hand on the floor in front of him and it's glowing more than before as his vision tunnels. He sounds faint as he continues to struggle and loses control, he needs to calm down but he can't think clearly enough.] I-I'm s-sorry, I-

Edited 2022-10-13 06:28 (UTC)

[Keith furrowed his brow at the reaction, and then starts to slowly panic as well. He knew enough about Lance's powers that he knew that something weird with his emotions would set him off, and the last thing they needed was for him to blow up the barn or something. They'd already done this once tonight.]

I-I... I don't mean to push... or-or anything. I'm sorry. You don't have to stay if you don't want to.

I just... I thought... [Maybe it would be okay for them to just be there for each other for a while.]

It's okay. [Please don't blow up. Please don't blow up.

He knew he could potentially shield a bit against the resulting shockwave or something, but this close? He wasn't so sure. He hesitated, and then just... acts. He reaches out, cooling his hand as much as possible without freezing it over, and grabbed the hand Lance had put on the floor in the hope of at least maybe getting his attention and preventing the wood underneath from igniting.]

Lance, please... it's okay. I didn't mean to get you upset.

[Keith's voice sounds like it's far away, but he knows what he's saying, even if he's not sure of his perceptions right now. At this point, all he can do is just shake his head. No no, this isn't Keith's fault, he doesn't want to leave. He can't even begin to find the words to explain what the fuck is wrong with him.

On instinct, he summons Valor, his coyote omen. In a puff of black smoke, it appears next to him, sitting calmly in contrast to Lance's shuddering struggle to breathe. The omen doesn't waste more than a moment for Keith to acknowledge his presence before he gets to "explaining."]

He is having a panic attack. [He looks pointedly at Lance as he wheezes as if to say 'isn't it obvious?' Then back to Keith.] …You should kiss him, it will shock him out of it.

[Okay... that made sense now. Keith could understand that-...

WHAT?

Keith stared at the omen with wide eyes. DID THE COYOTE JUST-...?]

You think I should WHAT? How is THAT supposed to help?

[Yeah, Keith was kind of... uhhh...]

[Their voices still feel far away and garbled, and he doesn't really process what Valor just said like at all. Valor knew he was too caught in the tunnel of his attack to hear that fully, which is good because if Keith does as he says then it should be a surprise or it won't work. He looks over to Keith like he's an idiot.]

To shock him out of it. Are you deaf? [He looks back at Lance pointedly as the glow of his body flares and then subsides, flickering with the chaotic flow with his panic.] You do not have much time. Kiss him.

[It's not wrong, at this rate Lance will either choke on his own closing throat and faint from lack of oxygen. Or he'll burn down the barn. Valor is rather certain he's not going to explode, but like himself, Lance has always been unpredictable…]

[Okay, but who was likely to be more shocked here? Keith at the suggestion, or Lance at the action?

He kind of glared a little at Valor, like he was suggesting something stupid. Last Keith checked, kissing someone wasn't exactly standard procedure for getting someone out of a panic attack, so he was going to try some more traditional methods first.

Starting with tightening his grip on Lance's hands. Cold was supposed to help, right?

Except it wasn't because Keith forgot that Lance's powers made it hard for him to feel that.]

Lance. I need you to focus on my voice, okay? I want you to try counting with me. Nice and steady...

[And he'd start... slowly... and just keep going... every second, another number, in order. Though, if that didn't work, he might get more desperate.]

[He doesn't feel the cold, but the pressure of Keith's hands on his does draw his attention to Keith. His eyes are squinted in distress as he wheezes and his tunneled vision finds Keith's chin and lips but doesn't make it to his eyes. The flickering of his powers becomes a bit less, but he's still wheezing and can't seem to follow what Keith's trying to tell him. His blood is rushing in his ears and he can't breathe, can't stop shaking, can't think or hear well.

Valor watches for a few moments. He can tell Keith punched through some layer and at least got the situation out of the red alert zone. But it's not improving beyond that because of how overwhelmed and raw Lance is. And it could slip back into dangerous territory quickly if no progress is made. Truthfully, there are probably more ways to shock Lance out of it or make better progress, but Valor has an agenda.]

He can't feel cold. Or hear you very well. [A pause as he tilts his head, looking at Keith. Somehow he manages to raise one coyote eyebrow in a very clear silent 'you know what I'm going to tell you you have to do so why aren't you doing it already?'] …Well?

[Keith was beginning just how the heck Lance put up with Valor as an omen. Really. He clenched his teeth, stopping the counting for a moment as he closed his eyes to think. But things weren't getting much better, and Lance's powers were pretty volatile, and Keith was starting to feel a little desperate.

There was a 50/50 chance in Keith's head of this working. The other option was that Lance would just explode anyway.

And the aftermath of either was...

Keith pushed that out of his head. Couldn't think about that now. He grunted a half-growl and just... did it.

In one swift motion, he leaned in and planted a pretty firm, but close-lipped kiss on Lance's mouth, holding there until he felt a response before pulling back, hoping his didn't look as red as it felt from the blush.]

[Valor may be a mischievous little shit, but in this he's not wrong. Lance is in the middle of trying to count, he'd finally figured out what Keith was trying to do, but it's like his thoughts are sand between his fingers. Sand that falls onto the record of his mind and scratched it out of order even further than normal.

And then Keith is very close, their noses are brushing. And his perception of everything is in question, but he is not imagining that touch, he is not imagining Keith's mouth against his. In some moments, his hallucinations get vivid enough for him to feel touch. This… would be very different from that. All at once, his breath stops, he's holding it, frozen as he processes with more open eyes.

But he needs to breathe, so he gasps once heavily against Keith's mouth, and on instinct, his hands come up to Keith's shoulders just to try and hold on before he falls over and also, reaffirm that Keith is actually there. He doesn't push him away, just holds on, perplexed, overwhelmed but in a different way now. The kiss invoked a different set of fluttering and scary emotions (hope, love… fear) and forced him to focus on his body, on his breath, and that punched through the hurricane of what he was already feeling and managed to dissipate it just enough to shakily stabilize.

On instinct, he may have just started to lean into the kiss right as Keith pulls away. Lance rocks forward with the motion and nearly falls into him, gasping and taking deep, ragged breaths. But they aren't hyperventilating wheezes anymore and his glow has died down to something more faint and fluttering, like a struggling lightbulb.

One hand is still on Keith's shoulder as the other fell to the ground by Keith's hip when he moved. His arms are trembling as they hold him up and he tries to mentally get a grasp of what the fuck just happened, head hanging as he breathes just a few inches from Keith. To the side, Valor seems to be smirking right at Keith in an silent 'told you so', but he doesn't say anything.

Lance just needs a minute to catch his breath and process, but he manages a hoarse:] What…?

[Keith was just going to ignore Valor for now. It was easier, honestly. Instead, he kind of stared at Lance, waiting to see what the reaction would be to what he'd just done.

And he waited.

And he watched.

Was Lance going to freak out? Was he going to be okay with it? Keith swallowed hard. Part of him almost wanted Lance to freak out, to just get the whole thing over with, that kissing him had been a bad idea, and they should just forget it happened and move on. The other part, though, was afraid of exactly that and knew that, deep down, as much as Keith might not want to admit it, a freak out like that would hurt... a lot... and he was hoping it wouldn't happen.

He swallowed hard, having instinctually reached out and tried to catch Lance when he started to tip forward.

When all that came out was just a rough and confused 'what', Keith almost felt his heart sink a little.]

I uh-... Well... He told me to do it. [It wasn't a lie. It was just leaving out the part that he might have maybe liked it...]

[In Lance's defense, he was kind of just having another meltdown, and even if he didn't have a lot of complex emotions around Keith and their history that might make him run for the hills… confusion and disorientation would still be his response. He can hear Keith now, though there's still a bit of a rushing in his ears, it's subsiding.

At the explanation, he looks to the side to see his omen and his heart sinks and clenches. He glares at the omen, his head tilted in a way where only Valor can see it. Fucking coyote. He knows he's like that because he's an extension of Lance himself, but he also hates himself so his ire at his omen is more than warranted. And he suspects he knows why the coyote insisted on this method of helping, knowing that Lance has been trying to forget about what it feels like to be intimate like that with Keith, and probably wanted to remind him of it.

But Keith doesn't remember and trying to be together was a mistake anyway, it wasn't fair to him to bully him into a kiss like that. And now it just hurts like hell knowing Keith didn't suddenly remember or something like that, which for a moment he did hope for. And now on top of all the other stuff that was stressing him the fuck out before, he has to try and smooth this over. He swallows, trying to keep his mental footing in a raging river that's just… all of it.]

O-of course… he did. [He sounds rough, trying to hide his heart breaking all over again. But strangely, it's not like before because even he can't entirely forget that Keith still did it. No, it means nothing. It would be a bad idea anyway, shut up.] I… I'm sorry. F-for losing it… like that. Again. I…

[He's just sorry for all of it. His stupid omen. And all the rest of his screw ups and failures. For scaring Keith like that. And for having these feelings and desires that won't just go away and leave them both in peace.]

Edited 2022-10-13 19:01 (UTC)

[...............

Ouch.

Lance's reaction hit something hard. There was no, "Oh, it was good," or, "Thanks for kissing me," not that Keith expected it, but... he wasn't sure what he expected or even wanted out of that. But it wasn't... this. Well, not entirely. Lance seemed to have broken out of the panic attack, so that was good, at least. It had been part of his goal, after all. The primary one, the one he'd been aiming for. Everything else would have just been... nice...?

Why was this bothering him?]

N-nn-no, no... it's... you don't have to apologize.

[And there was also the pressing issue in the back of Keith's mind that asking him to stay had triggered the panic attack in the first place. That really hurt. Keith bit his lip for a second.]

You uh... You don't have to stay if you really don't want to. [Keith slumped back a bit, shifting from kneeling to sitting on the floor again. He pulled his legs up in front of himself and wrapped his arms around them, almost pulling in on himself into the same huddle he'd been in when Lance had first arrived.] Like I said... I'll be okay. I just need some time. [He lowered his head to rest his chin on his knees.] I shouldn't have asked. I know it's hard for you to be around me.

Thanks, though... for coming in the first place.

[Now that he's pulled enough out of his crisis, Lance is able to see how Keith is shutting down. He's not exactly a hundred percent himself, but he's not blinded by it like he was when he was tunneling. And he's seen Keith do this before, that helps. So does his weak empathic ability. Guilt gnaws at him even more and he wonders if maybe it's best that he does just leave Keith alone. He's done nothing but screw up constantly.

But there's also a part of him that recognizes distantly how selfish that is too. Keith literally just admitted to him that he doesn't know how to do anything but be alone and push people away. And Lance relates for his own reasons. One of them has to choose to risk to break the cycle and he feels like since he screwed this up, it should be him. Even if it has his chest tightening with threat of more panic, but he curbs it off, gripping his gem on his wrist and focusing on his breath.

He swallows and looks at Keith anxiously, looking torn and conflicted. Then slowly, he makes himself get off his knees, still unsteady and shaking through his body intermittently. He gets into a more comfortable position, legs crossed, posture hunched with his elbows on his knees as he continues to clutch at his wristband.]

I… we had a moment… kinda like that. Back in Deerington. [He is choosing his words so fucking carefully.] A lot of things were different… but by the end we agreed to… not be alone. Together.

[That's one way to say 'we agreed to be boyfriends', but it's vague enough to not be a confession and it helps that those are also just the words Keith used before Lance had the attack. He swallows thickly, continuing to focus on keeping his shit together.] And then a few months later… you left.

[He continues looking down and holds his arms tightly to himself and he continues to fidget. That's one of the reasons he had the attack, anyway.] I- I want to stay… I'm just… I'm just scared, man. And I wasn't sure if- if you were real just then. If you are real, sometimes.

[Yet another difficult admission. But he already touched on it when he had to tell him why he asked Moira for that injection and Keith saw the memory, he knows it's not a secret. Still, talking about it isn't easy because he does his best to hide it and come off as normal. He shakes his head as another attack builds in his breath and he makes himself keep going to curb it off.]

I panicked because it feels like if I say yes and stay it's gonna curse us or something and I know it's stupid. It doesn't make sense. B-But I'm a total crazy person, right? A-and I don't- I don't even get why you'd want me to stay, because I'm- I'm… [He shakes his head and gives up on that. He's hearing and seeing things that are drawing his attention to the side and he's too worn down to ignore them. Weakly, he finishes on a question:] Do you? …Want me to stay?

Edited 2022-10-14 02:18 (UTC)

[There was an extremely subtle rocking motion in Keith as Lance moved closer again. But, as Lance spoke, it waned further, slowing until it stopped. He pulled his gaze up from the floor and turned his head to look at Lance, listening, waiting, hearing the words and wondering if Lance was going to say that these were all his reasons for leaving, and then do that once he was steady enough to walk again. Another rejection, another person leaving, just more abandonment.

Sometimes, Keith felt like he'd regressed backwards because of this place. Everything he'd been able to finally overcome back home because he had a support network, he had people he trusted and let in, people he thought would never give up on him... and it was just... gone. All over again. Like when he was ten years old and dropped into the foster care system after his dad died... already aged out of being adopted. No one wanted a grief-stricken pre-teen who couldn't control his emotions.

He definitely could understand where Lance was coming from. It was hard to trust and get attached only to lose it again. In that, they definitely understood each other. He nodded, wanting to show that he understood. He understood the fear, the desire to protect himself from getting hurt again, that need to push someone away even if you didn't want to be alone. He could feel himself doing it even now, his physical reactions of pulling in on himself, the walls he could feel forming in his psyche to protect himself.

And Lance asked then... asked if he wanted it... if he really wanted him to stay. For a split second, Keith hesitated. Lance had said he was scared, but he also said he wanted to stay. He was willing to take the risk. Keith lowered his eyes a little, staring off into the distance as he weighed that, and then he nodded again.]

Yeah. [His voice was a little shaky. In a place like this, he'd already seen and learned that getting attached to anyone was risky. They could die and not come back. They could turn back into a squid and disappear into the ocean. It was all a risk.] I wouldn't have asked if I didn't. [He met Lance's eyes as he said that. He wanted to take that risk, too.]

[When Keith meets his eyes with those words, it's intense and he feels exposed. But also has his heart clenching and fluttering with hope and terror in equal measure. Not to mention the fire of attraction, affection… he doesn't dare use the L word, but he comes close. The voices snicker and he holds the look as long as he can manage before he has to break it, looking down. As he does, a tear escapes one eye.]

Even after…? [He clenches his eyes shut tight against a flash of gore. He lets out a breath that hitches mid-way and he finds himself shaking his head and croaking a brief and humorless laugh.] M-maybe you're the one that's crazy.

[He sniffs and brings a sleeve up to wipe at his face. He's so afraid it's unreal. Somehow almost as terrified as when The Reckoning was coming for Keith, and there's still so much he doesn't understand. Feels like he should be yelling at Keith for taking that kind of risk. Because he's dangerous and why can't he see that, why doesn't he… but that comes from deep within himself, and the voices.]

Yeah. Maybe. Wouldn't be the first time I've been called that. [Keith shrugged a little.]

I just... I know that you wouldn't do something consciously to hurt me, and I know that you'll make the best decision you can, no matter what it is. [Okay, maybe the whole situation with The Reckoning hadn't been the best decision either of them had made, but Lance had his reasons for not giving in to Keith's demands about that. It wasn't like he just... didn't... or wasn't giving in for bad reasons.]

Stuff here is fucked up. I get that. So, things aren't always going to work out. But that doesn't mean I don't still trust you. And I want to support you, too. So... [He put his hand out.] we're in this together, right? Like you said... we make a good team. We can still do that.

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