deernet | un: timaeusTestified | text

Honorable concern, but I do believe the point of monster fucking is the appeal of non-familiar genitalia and bodies. I don't think most people would approach a werewolf expecting to be plowed by your standard set-up. Seems counterproductive to the point.

Maybe their concept of loyalty errs more on the side of polyamory.

must we use the term "monster fucking"? just because someone isn't human doesn't mean they're a monster.

probably.

Sure. Let's humor that. Would you prefer the term "cross-species relations" or is that a little too close to bestiality? Do you have any better terms to use for wanting to dick down with something that isn't like you?

You gotta admit there's some natural depravity there.

ok i absolutely did not think of bestiality NO until you said it. i dunno i'm just saying people aren't monsters just for not being human, that's all. some of them are really sweet and good and wonderful.

why is that depraved? lots of people dabble in non monogamy.

Oh man. You totally fuck a monster on the regular, don't you? Monster's just a word. Doesn't have to mean bad.

I meant more the monster fucking than the polygamy. Ain't nothing wrong with consensual polyamory. I think most psychologists would argue there is something inherently depraved in wanting to fuck something that's not your own species.

he is NOT a monster!

oh.
i mean i feel like most psychologists only have experience with non human lifeforms that don't have the ability to consent. like dogs or something. but like a werewolf, to use your example, would be different.

Oh my God. Okay, then what is he?

That is a completely valid point to bring up, actually. Though I have seen enough pornographic fanart to know that people seem to have a general idea for what they envision fucking monsters and aliens and stuff to be like to suggest to some psychological roots. I feel like it is the fetish for the unknown.

he's a sweet and wonderful person!

really? huh. i don't think that's true of everyone, but i guess it's not a terrible theory.

I have no doubt he's the sweetest soul on this side of the universe. But he clearly ain't a human either. Which kudos to you, man. My brother was dating an alien dude and I was always mad jealous.

Probably not everyone. I read somewhere once that people enjoy the concept that something so dangerous could be so gentle specifically with them and I think that rings to the natural part of our brains that wants a partner that can keep us safe while providing ideal companionship.

Edited (dont LOOK AT ME. wrong color) 2021-12-02 05:00 (UTC)

no, he's not human. i guess he is an alien. but he's the best guy i've ever met, i think.
why didn't you date one? was he the only one you knew?

ohhh like a beauty and the beast deal? kinda egotistical isn't it?

That's cute. I mean that sincerely. It's cool you've got someone.

He was the only living male alien around. Technically there was the clown too, but that's a whole other conversation. My dating options were extremely limited. The only human males were a hetero-obnoxious one, my ex that didn't work out, and my bro. All the other aliens were chicks.

Yeah, probably.

thank you. i know i'm really really lucky.

like an actual clown or metaphorically?
i'm very familiar with hetero-obnoxiousness.

but i guess we humans always think we're some special exception.

No, I mean a troll who was obsessed with some freaky clown cult in their culture that made him absolutely off the wall insane.

It can't be helped. Humanity has been left in isolation for the majority of its existence.

oh my god
is your brother named dave?

i'm not sure we'd be much different even if we weren't.

Yeah. Dave Strider. I'm Dirk.

Oh shit, you know Dave?

(Wait.)

Please tell me you are not fucking the clown troll. Dude, I have to strongly advise you against fucking the clown troll. Like if we're being honest, I would love to fuck the clown troll, but I'm also something else entirely and I don't think the average human should subject themselves to that level of insanity.

No offense if you are. But I feel it is an ethical duty to sway someone out of that clusterfuck of a relationship if they are in it.

That's an interesting point, actually.

no, i never met dave, sorry, but i've heard really good things.

and hi, dirk. i'm kyle.

no, no i am not fucking the clown troll nor would i ever, that'd be fucked up.
uhm ok so this might be awkward but uh i'm seeing karkat.

yeah i've seen humans act really fucking stupid even if they're used to the unusual so. yeah.

(What.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Dirk feels an immediate hot sense of protective rage.)

(But then it dies out almost immediately. There was no point in it. Timelines were weird and they were clearly on some doomed variation.)

Dave is literally the coolest person alive. Well, after me, obviously, but that's a given.

Yo.

I feel like I have to put it out there that if you hurt Karkat, I have to absolutely destroy you on behalf of Dave's honor. Not to be that guy, but that's my bro's boyfriend and if you're going to be dating him while he's on this timeline, you need to treat him with absolute respect and literally nothing else. Which clearly you already are since you're adamantly defending getting down on that troll pussy.

I would literally snap reality in half for my brother to be with his boyfriend and I want you to understand that from the bottom of my fucking heart. They are OTP status and I will both support you in making Karkat happy in Dave's place but also assure you that you will never be as good for Karkat as Dave is. Never. I can literally rip your soul out of your body and I won't think twice about it.

Edited 2021-12-02 06:08 (UTC)

(Okay, now that the brotherly threats are done:)

Anyway. Out of respect for Dave, I never asked, but I have always wondered...

Karkat's like crazy good in bed, right? He seems like he would be. He gives off the air that he's someone who fucks like his life's on the line even for a troll. How's that snatch? Give me the deets. Dude's hot. I would have tapped that forever ago but I love my brother and didn't want to double-dip, you know?

(In case it's not obvious at this point - Dirk is not a nice person!)

[That's a lot. And a lot of it hits very, VERY close to home.

The place he was before Trench, Kyle did have a boyfriend... whom he's convinced would have dropped him in a second for the boyfriend he'd had back in his home reality. So this is no different.

Kyle is a convenient bed warmer. He's not part of anybody's OTP.

It takes him a while to reply.]

i'm not going to get all 'how dare you' because i have a little brother i'd die for, too. so i get it. but threaten me again and i will absolutely kick your ass.

i am not telling you details about my partner. especially not now.

(There is a reason Dirk is the Prince of Heart and this was it right here.)

You won't. You wouldn't be able to touch me.

Fine, that's fair. For what it's worth, your defensiveness of him is pretty cute. Glad to know he has someone here.

dude, you just got here. respectfully? you don't know shit.

damn right it's fair you just bitched me out about not being good enough for him!
look i guess like
i can trust that you won't hurt him, right?

You got me there, but I'm still confident about that. I just got here, but you just met me. We're at a stalemate.

I'd rather cut my own balls off and eat them than hurt Karkat Vantas. I probably won't even talk to him. He literally deserves better than having to talk to me for longer than two seconds. Dude's probably the best person any of us have ever met even if he's wildly sensitive.

Of course, I bitched you out, man. I gotta. It's brotherly law. Plus when you know a good dude you gotta grind on their new partner a bit to see how dedicated they are. Grow some self-esteem in your own relationship. It's leaking in your talk with Usagi. If you're going to date someone else's boyfriend, fucking commit and own that shit.

yeah, and i'm confident that i'm not threatened by you ripping reality apart or whatever.

yeah, he really is. both the best and wildly sensitive. he'll probably freak out when he finds out you're here, that's why i asked. but i trust you.

[Ow. Fuck. Deep breaths, stay nice.]

he's not somebody else's boyfriend.

Souls. That's different than just plain reality considering souls exist on a completely different dimensional level.

I guess if you're fucking Karkat you're probably not that weak, so I'll give you that. I don't think anyone from our world could date someone who is weak.

He probably will, but he freaks about everything so that's inevitable. Just assure him we're chill and I'll leave him alone. Got no beef with him dating another dude. Our timelines are fucking weird anyway, as I'm sure you already know.

(Hmmm.)

Technically, he is. Unless he came here single or from a different timeline where he's not with Dave, in which case please tell me to fuck right on off.

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1/2

i am so sorry for how brutal this actually turned out omg also i lied 2/3

3/3

awww dirk

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