1 Point | Video; UN: Strike1st | CW Language

[strikefirster]

[The feed opens up to a crooked shot of a building that screams abandoned warehouse vibes. Out of frame is a man in a black karate gi standing next to a grandfather clock with the words "Professor Dongspin" written on it in green paint.]

Now I just got here but I've been seen a lot of talk about free fighting lessons. But we all know that in life you get what you pay for.

You want to really kick the competition? Then you need to get your ass down to Cobra Kai.

Screw that weird ass fairy tale bullshit. Learn from someone who drinks raw eggs, not pansy ass hot chocolate.

You'll learn bone crunching, face smashing, all American Karate. For the reasonable price of your blood, sweat and tears.

We're not going to be doing any self-defense, It's time to learn self-offense.

Don't be a pussy. Join Cobra Kai and let me teach you the way of the fist.

[And then leaps into the air and delivers a spinning kick into the grandfather clock which collapses and smashes against the ground.

The feed cuts out shortly after.]

Comments

un: dragongirl

[catchatting]

So what are you overcompensating for?

[strikefirster]

The tight butt.

[catchatting]

I recommend patience and a lot of lube.

[strikefirster]

How about your number?
Unless you're actually a dragon.
Or a dude pretending to be a chick.

[catchatting]

You're already talking to me, dummy.
Unless you mean how many follows I have on CatChat. It was about 5 million last I checked, but it might be higher now.

[strikefirster]

Yeah, so?
The number exchange is a classic move. You don't mess with that.

I have no idea what CatChat is.
But it sounds like you have a lot of people stalking you if that's the case.

[Audio][UN:A_Wesker013][CW: References to old school faery tale weirdness.]

[subject_013]

[If the amused baritone voice that speaks sounds like the archetypal action movie villain with a British accent... well, he wouldn't peg it wrong.]

I wouldn't be quick to denigrate faery tales, sirrah, especially in a world where things work on blood magick or lunar energy. The earliest ones weren't family fare at all. The original 'Cinderella', as a for-instance, had the step-sisters cutting bits off their feet in a bid to fit the glass slipper, and a horrified onlooker noticing the blood pooling in it.

[strikefirster]

I guess that's kind of badass. And a little creepy to cut yourself up just to impress a dude or chick.

Not really my style though. I'd rather buy one a drink and knock some guys teeth out. You know?

[subject_013]

[A closed-mouthed chuckle in the other's throat.]

I can see that would appeal to some, though I'd prefer to impress Milady by ending a brawl that's already broken out. Then again, I worked in law enforcement - search and rescue, with some tactical work - for a couple of years, so some habits don't die hard.

I regret I don't need your services, though in a place like this, it helps to have someone willing to teach others how to watch their own backs, in the event that rescue isn't easily at hand.

video, un: terry.silver

[dynatox]

Well, if it isn't Johnny Lawrence.

[ To Terry's credit, he doesn't start with anything threatening. He wants to see how this plays out. ]

Are you sure this is the best way to promote Cobra Kai?

[strikefirster]

[Oh. It's this guy. The guy who went to the bar with him.]

Hey look. Guess your memory's still kicking at your age, huh old man?

[Look insulting the elderly was not below Johnny Lawrence.

He looks confused for a second but nods.]

Of course it is. Cobra Kai's about being badass. I'm just establishing the pecking order.

[dynatox]

Last I checked, Cobra Kai was about building strength and real confidence, not about taunting your prospective students and flinging insults.

[strikefirster]

And what the hell would you know about Cobra Kai?

I am helping them build strength and confidence. The real world isn't going to hold back on them and neither am I. If they can't take a few insults and come back at me strong then maybe they aren't Cobra Kai material.

[dynatox]

Didn't your sensei ever tell you about me? He sure told me about you.

[ And is he bitter about that? Maybe. Just a little. ]

I'm the co-founder of Cobra Kai, Johnny. I think I know what Cobra Kai material is.

[strikefirster]

[Johnny just gives him a blank look.]

No. Kreese never said shit about you. And we're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment.

[Johnny didn't really like where this conversation was going. Seeing as the last time he talked to Kreese he was throwing him out of his life all over again.]

Listen. If your style of teaching is anything like Kreese's then you aren't welcome in my Cobra Kai. That way is outdated and needs to change.

If you want to find out what that means then I can give you the same chance I gave him. But if you don't fall in line than you're out.

[Yeah. Because that will go over well.]

video | un: sds

[fogsong]

Don't be a pussy. [ Sharon repeats the words, pitching them with laughter. ] This is the most insane late night advert I've never had the chance to see. I know I already said I'd be down with you teaching me, still am, this kind of sells it, but... [ She holds up her index finger. ] I will not be drinking raw eggs.

Cool?

[strikefirster]

Words to live by right there.

[He joins in with the laugh. He was dead serious but he knew how it sounded.]

I can show you worse from my home if you want. Some asshole car salesman if my biggest competition back home. You should the shit he comes up with.

Of course I'm still down for teaching you. I don't say shit I don't mean.

Fine don't drink the eggs. I'm not your mom. It's not my job to tell you to eat right.

[fogsong]

This salesman makes ads worse than what you've managed to put out? I'm always down to see that kind of shit. It's like tv junk food to me. [ And it's always hilarious. ]

If you were my mom, we'd have some serious things to discuss. Like who taught you that raw eggs were good for you? They're already gross, you're making them worse.

[strikefirster]

Oh it's the worse thing in the world. He has all these long boring shots of ponds and shit before he starts passive aggressively insulting my dojo and offering kids free karate. Because he's already got the cash to run it on his own that he has to drive out a small business owner.

It's boring and a low blow.

Yeah well I'm not your mom so we definitely aren't going to get into that. But it was Arnold and Rocky Balboa who taught me that. Biggest bad asses around. At least Arnold was until he went an became a politician or some shit.

They're gross but you need to the protein to bulk up. Get strong.

[fogsong]

Wow, he sounds like he's boring and a bit of a dick. [ Plus, there's no way his commercials would be entertaining to watch, especially not in comparison to what Johnny's put out there.

And, oh, great. He gets his health advice from 80s movie stars. He's really something, in a mindbogglingly fascinating way. ] I get you need protein but... you do know you get just as much protein from eggs if they're scrambled, right? I mean, you might as well enjoy the proteins you're eating.

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

damn you're both shitstained cuntwaffles though

who am i supposed to choose?

[strikefirster]

Me.
Because it's clear that you've got fucking attitude.
And Cobra Kai can help you take that to the next level.

[foulhussy]

damn straight i do
i got fucking attitude
attitude to fuck your mom
and your dad

but also i could beat your ass so why should i bother learning shit from you

[strikefirster]

Tell my dad I said nice the next time you go down on him.

Because you might be tough shit right now but you could be fucking unstoppable.

[foulhussy]

yeah and ill hifive him while he's deepthroating me

oh yeah? how.