1 Point | Video; UN: Strike1st | CW Language

[strikefirster]

[The feed opens up to a crooked shot of a building that screams abandoned warehouse vibes. Out of frame is a man in a black karate gi standing next to a grandfather clock with the words "Professor Dongspin" written on it in green paint.]

Now I just got here but I've been seen a lot of talk about free fighting lessons. But we all know that in life you get what you pay for.

You want to really kick the competition? Then you need to get your ass down to Cobra Kai.

Screw that weird ass fairy tale bullshit. Learn from someone who drinks raw eggs, not pansy ass hot chocolate.

You'll learn bone crunching, face smashing, all American Karate. For the reasonable price of your blood, sweat and tears.

We're not going to be doing any self-defense, It's time to learn self-offense.

Don't be a pussy. Join Cobra Kai and let me teach you the way of the fist.

[And then leaps into the air and delivers a spinning kick into the grandfather clock which collapses and smashes against the ground.

The feed cuts out shortly after.]

Comments

video | un: stiles

[kingofsarcasm]

[Have Stiles just giving you a look, Johnny.]

Jesus Christ, it's like the entirety of the 80s took human form.

[strikefirster]

[And he'll point his finger at Stiles.]

Rock on, man. The 80's were the best.

But in like a legit way, not in a Stingray tries too hard kind of way.

video | un: BRO

[givehead]

(Sorry man, but you get the Bro splinter today. This dude's got the perfect poker face and has decided it's time to fuck with this guy.)

There are few things in life more raw and satisfying than throwing another guy around. Just slamming him down and completely dominating him. You get it.

(He's nodding sagely like he's in complete agreement with Johnny.)

[strikefirster]

[And Johnny falls for it hook, line and sinker.]

Ah finally! A real man understands what I'm talking about. I take it you've gone a round or two in the ring?

video - un: keith

[tempredmental]

[Yeah... Keith really didn't like this guy. Definitely not after the beach.]

You know karate isn't American, right?

[strikefirster]

[Oh no. Not this guy again.]

You know your mullet makes you look like a total fairy, right?

Of course I know that. But we took the sport and made it our own. Like hockey and football.

Video: UN - CentaursTesticle

[alternia_strength]

Excellent!

[Was it fortunate that obscene amounts of l33t speak and indigo blue text weren't flying in this man's direction? That was up in the air. There was currently a gray-skinned figure there with fangs snaggled in his snarling face as he sneered at the camera from behind a pair of broken shades. He was dressed in a leather work apron over black tank top and standing in what looked like a foundry, his broken, candy-corn yellow horns sticking out of the top of his head as he snarled and nodded vigorously.]

It is wonderful to see that someone in this town understands the purpose of training. Think pans are meant to be smashed. Fronds are meant to be scuffed! Wonderful! I will not be a pussy. I will be there to smash bones and break objects.

...

...

What is a pussy?

[strikefirster]

[This guy. Now this guy, Johnny liked a whole lot.]

I'll tell you one thing. It ain't you. You're real Cobra Kai material.

I'll point them out as they come. I feel like there's a lot of them around here.

Voice; un: ...

[opress]

You bare the look of a Jedi but the mannerisms of a slums corner caller.

[However, smashing people is definitely something that he is interested in. It's been awhile since he just walked up and beat the ever living crap out of someone.]

If you're teaching the way of the fist, why are you kicking?

[strikefirster]

[Johnny sees this guy and he's immediately reminded of the asshole who killed him on the beach during his first day in town.

Is Johnny afraid? No. Fear does not exist in his dojo.]

Don't know what a Jedi is but if they kick ass in a fight than I'm definitely that and not a prostitute.

It's the philosophy of the fighting style. Karate includes punching and kicking and basically anything else you need to be a badass in a fight.

...By the way you on the run from the cops or something? Dyeing all of your skin yellow is pretty try hard.

video; un: lowell

[vibing]

[ Wow, this guy is a whole Vibe. Yuri is pretty into this, and suppresses a grin, poorly. That poor clock, what did it ever do to you?! ]

Steep price there, man. You know what they say about getting what you pay for.

[strikefirster]

[Ozpin (Who likes clocks) talked like his high school karate rival once. It meant it had to die.

He's actually going to level with this guy.]

No one knows that better than me. Cobra Kai made me the man I am today. If those lessons will make the nerds here a bit more badass than that's enough for me.

video; un: A.

[fabrications]

[ This might actually be the best thing Akechi has seen since arriving in Trench. ]

If you ask people in this place to pay you with blood they might take you literally.

[strikefirster]

Then they can do it literally. I wasn't kidding.

I'm going to put that shit in a jar to show my students what they sacrificed to get stronger.

un: UNOWEN

[forwantofahorse]

[This might actually be the best thing Sayo has seen since arriving in Trench.

Time to start some drama.]

and, er, what if we've already been... pressured... into signing up for dongspin's

i mean ozpin's

training?

[strikefirster]

Seriously? What the heck, kid?

Well it's not too late to back out of the shit and come learn how to really fight.

video | un: perell

[frogiturgy]

Raw eggs? Seriously?

[They had.... shared a moment in the bar, drinking and laughing. Perell did not know what to expect of this man-- and his memory, unfortunately, was blurry.

As long as he had coffee and bacon, he was happy after a night of drinking.]

[strikefirster]

Yeah.

People do it in training all the time. Have you never seen Rocky?

Video;

[wapples]

What's wrong with hot chocolate?

[Johnny. Have you tasted hot chocolate? It's way better than raw eggs.]

[strikefirster]

It wont put hair on your chest, kid.

Is that all your dads feed you?

video; un: seeingtheworld

[schoolingfish]

So...you want us to give you blood, sweat and tears as payment? What are you going to do with those?

Do you drink them, like the eggs?

Does this mean you're a vileblood, too?

[strikefirster]

I don't know what that means kid, but no. My blood's not vile, unless I've been drinking vodka. That makes it pretty nasty.

I'm going to keep it in a jar and we're going to add more to it as you improve. It's going to be a testament to how much of a man you can be.

video; un: younghuman

[terriblepurpose]

[Paul has a look of mild fascination when he appears in view in front of a backdrop of a pale tent wall.]

Is finding Cobra Kai part of the initiation?

[strikefirster]

I'm still working on a location. But I checked out the building behind me and it's empty and got a bunch of space. It might do the trick.

Unless you're talking about the nerds initiation or what ever. Then no. We're going to actually train people here.

video; un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

[Holy shit, this guy is the best.]

Okay, we have a lot to unpack here, dude.

[strikefirster]

What are you talking about?

I've only got one bag in my car. That's nothing.

Video: FilledwithSunshine

[onebadapple]

My goodness! You're very dedicated! [She giggles.] I've never heard of putting a pansy in hot chocolate, does it make it taste better?

[strikefirster]

I'm working on it. Kids back home kind of lit a fire under my ass. I'd be a real asshole if I let them down.

It's awful. Makes it taste like ass.

video, UN: Kassandra

[metoikos]

[Well. Isn't this just a surprise. Self Offense? And fighting a clock?

What kind of moron is this? She's met several Americans, and he must be the noisiest. And she's reminded of a certain buffoon.

Nevermind that Kassandra is holding an axe with blood dripping off of it. Just disregard that she's responding to this after having killed a monster. She's tall, armored, and has a heavy Greek accent.]

You bray like a donkey, and all you've proven with this is that you know how to break furniture.

What qualifications do you have to teach others?

[strikefirster]

[Johnny's jaw drops at the sight of Kassandra.

Holy shit. A natural fucking badass woman standing right before him.]

I don't know what fucking bray is but that's not the only thing I can do like a donkey.

But I was a two time champion back in America. And my student is the current reigning All Valley Champion.

That might not mean a lot around here. But it will when I start up my own tournament.

Video; UN: Willow

[frogfear]

[This guy? Again? Seriously? Willow has no idea what his problem with Ozpin is, but this is obnoxious, and clearly a sign of some kind of insecurity.]

Seriously?

UN: Willow

[strikefirster]

Seriously.

I don't joke about karate.

Video | Un: Fishblast

[sparkknight]

[So many words, Klee understands some of them. Pity Albedo's filter missed this post. Have a confused Klee ]

Umm, Mister you can't be a cat person unless you're born one! That's what Diona said when I asked about her Kitty ears.

But Klee can't punch hard, but I blow monster up does that could as fighting. I don't know of Klee is allowed to punch hillicurls or slimes

[strikefirster]

[Have a confused old man right back.]

Kid- I don't know what the shit you're talking about- I'm not talking about cats. I'm talking about pussies. Weak as shit losers.

Uh... Blowing up shit sounds cool but being able to punch the shit out of your enemies is always going to be more badass. If you can't punch then come train with me. I'll teach you how.

Who told you can't punch hillbillies or slime balls?

video; un: AskMalice

[slayerskiss]

Damn, that clock really got what was coming to it.

[She's almost tempted to watch, just out of morbid curiosity.]

Somehow I feel like karate's not going to do much for you here. You got a grudge against Ozpin for some reason?

[strikefirster]

Yeah. Really fucking clean it's... face or whatever.

Because of the monsters are shit? Hard to tell. Giving people the confidence they need to stand up to shit that way can go a long way.

And yeah. Guy talks like an asshole back where I'm from. Rubs me the wrong way.

text, un: beacon

[clocktowers]

[ This— but— why?

Ozpin is almost too baffled to be offended. Almost is, of course, the key word. He really shouldn't reply; it would be better to let this die out on its own, unremarked-upon, in the same manner he ought to treat gossip among his household.

Still. ]

I fail to see why this is wholly necessary. It seems a rather crass marketing technique.

[strikefirster]

It's completely necessary, nerd.

People are going to see this and know where they really need to train.

Kiss your ass goodbye.

un: eudaimonikos; text

[eudaimonikos]

Hey. Quick question - you from Florida?

[strikefirster]

California. Why?

text: makes.it.count

[nothinglikea]

who on earth eats raw eggs on purpose? that's insane and it's got to be riddled with disease.

[strikefirster]

Rocky Balboa.

video; un: rosestorm

[thunderingcourage]

I'm not sure if anyone should learn anything from you. Especially not martial arts. You're just going to get yourself or someone else hurt, or just attract a bunch of meatheads and bullies.

[strikefirster]

Hey. You can say whatever the fuck you want about me but my students back where I'm from are not a bunch of meatheads and assholes.

They were nerds and losers until they came into my dojo. I helped them train into men. And a couple chicks too. I gave them the confidence and strength they needed to defend themselves. And I'm teaching them the difference between being a badass and being an asshole.

Those kids have the potential to grow up better than I could ever hope for.

video | un: Da Silva

[rosae]

( Oh, she's giving a definite Disapproving Mom Look right now. )

Excuse me. Maybe you're new around here, but there are a lot of kids who read and use this. You need to watch your language.

[strikefirster]

[Woah. A fucking babe. Okay. She might be a little on the young side for Johnny and she was bitching at him but still.]

Look lady. I get it. But if they don't hear it from me they're going to hear it from someone else.

But you know... There are probably a few things you could shove in my mouth to shut me up if you're down.

video; un: quicksilver

[punshots]

Raw eggs? Ewwwwww, gross...

[ ...Wait, shit, that's not how he meant to start his response!! God. ]

I-I mean! Y-yes, sir! I'd love to learn more! Not so good at hand-to-hand stuff, heh...but, uh, what's it gonna cost?

[ There's no money here and he's still broke somehow. ]

[strikefirster]

Yeah. Raw eggs. Get used to it mister because that's your breakfast from now on.

[Just for saying that their gross.]

I already said in the ad, blood sweat and tears. We're going to put it into a jar.

You ready for that?

video un: vault thief

[phaseflex]

I'm obsessed with you. [amara enjoyed every second of this video unironically.] We need to date, right now. And by date, I mean I'm coming to your dojo to beat the shit out of you.

[strikefirster]

Woah...

[Holy shit. Look at the biceps on this chick.]

That makes too of us.

...But the other way around.

For fucking sure. Finally someone who gets it here!