deernet | Video UN: glyphywitchy [Back dated to May 12]

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Video UN: glyphywitchy [Back dated to May 12]

[It's been a few days since dying, and Luz had unfortunately kept this to herself. If you haven't been able to tell, this girl has been having a pretty rough month, and it didn't seem to be getting better. She lurched her device to focus, and, though coughing, was looking directly into the camera].

So. Uh. Died. First time, ha ha, not a fun experience. Kinda looking for some company, here or just on this thing otherwise. I should probably be getting rest, yes, but staring up at the ceiling regretting stuff and hating yourself can only keep out the quiet for so long.

Also, been out of the loop a bit. Someone update me on things?

[Action]
sickandstressed1

Luz was pretty sure that she was going to get an earful from people in the house, but ESPECIALLY from Ahiru, who had very much not wanted her to go on the mission. Luz had thought she could handle it and had handled somewhat similar situations before. Now, though, since they'd talked about it before, Luz knew it looked even WORSE.

Add the whole mix of self-loathing for being too weak to avoid death and the ever-present gloom of missing Fern and Varian, and Luz was pretty much a powder keg of emotions and blah. She was in her room right now, dimly lit with her purple lights and surrounded by a fort of stuffed animals and, well, Luz was a sight to see.

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If it's the easy, count me in!

[Ugh, it wasn't, it REALLY wasn't. Every month was some new thing she didn't even think to consider.

You'll be a baby bad ass in no time! If Luz could do it, so can you!

Luz could relate...almost. Would have to have had the time to like someone like that after, well, realizing she'd fallen for Amity Blight].

Huh! Wow. Now that I think about it, I did most of that in school. Didn't really change until I hopped dimensions!

Well you'll get them! Books and comics! This place will be right up there with the arcade!

I'd be happy to, it sounds like you had way more than your share of bad recently.

[she was mostly pleased she didn't turn into anything. that was her greatest fear, turning into something which wasn't her at all. she's no great fan of herself, but better that than some of the things she's heard about.

she wants to. both out of self-protection and because that was something that Cassie would never do. so it would be Lexi's.

if she was being honest with herself, it would have been obvious that she'd been crushing on Rue since pre-school. and that the only reason why she asked if it was weird when Rue taught her how to french kiss was because deep down, she was hoping the answer was an enthusiastic no]

Figuring out who you were? Then you're lucky, really lucky. [she says earnestly]

Yes! That's the goal! Books and comics and manga everywhere!

I've had much better days.

[Certainly, she didn't like thinking of all the pain her death caused other people to have. She had hoped to be part of the team that helped stop the Tyrant, not be another casualty. So much for that.

It all sounded really rough, and Luz knew that figuring out what those feelings were all about were not easy things. She was at least glad this place didn't make her feel like she was part of a small few who's attraction wasn't just to the opposite sex, or even to just their own species! But when that would ever factor into her current love life was anyone's guess].

Oh, I am! I know that a little bit more every day!

Yes! Truly a utopia of weebs and well-read nerds!

Yeah, I can imagine. [a brief, high-pitched chuckle] Or more accurately, I can't. I really have been able to avoid the worst of the worst. But watch that other one, the floating eyeball one, to nail me somehow.

[if it's anything like going to see Rue in a coma after ODing and clinging to Mrs. Bennett, it was like guilt. that what was obvious wasn't what the big picture was looking at. Lexi should have said something earlier.

Lexi knew better than to fixate herself on one person. she did, she really did, despite her rampaging crush on Rue a while ago. Jules made Rue happy, alpha and omega, amen. but it was great to know that if she wanted to be with a girl, no one would hold that against her. that she could be her whole self, even those bits she was afraid of showing to the world]

Yeah. Maybe I'll be lucky, too?

[Lexi laughs] Oh! Oh, my god! Yeah. Yeah. All of that. If I have anything to say about it at least.

Hey, don't worry, it'll happen! I didn't think it would to me, but it just took some time. Like I said, people help! If you don't have that, there's still places to visit to get your mind off of stuff. I recommend the arcade to anyone who wants to just have a fun time!

[Wow. She sure hoped Lexi wouldn't have to deal with anything that hard in Trench (well, not right away, anyway).

And Luz was just happy that more people were getting to live their best lives without anyone judging them or making them feel strange for loving whomever they felt like. It was good to know if Luz ever went that route (in love anyway)].

I'm sure you will, but either way I'll wish you good luck!

Awesome! I'm always a fan of library-like places!

That would be great. The getting more used to this thing and the more friends thing both. I feel kind of like that kids' storybook, though, would you be my mommy? Only for mommy, replace it with friend?

[she likely would never have to. she's heard that there are magic mushrooms, but they're not addictive and can't be overdosed on.

it was almost intimidating to Lexi, that so many people were living their lives without the fear of judgement. she was in high school, everything carried judgement with it]

Thank you, that's sweet of you.

So am I. That's what I'm hoping to bring here.

It takes time, sometimes for lots of different reasons. I get you, I get you! But it'll get easier, trust me. It helps that we're all displaced in one way or another, so we're all starting from a place not exactly normal.

[Granted, everyone who'd lived through Deerington had their own perspective there, and would find things a little more familiar than they would like.

Luz had hallucinated on the mushrooms one month due to shenanigans. They certainly did not FEEL magical to her]!

We could all use that, no worries! I'm sure you'll find your place soon!

It's a good idea. We all could use a place like that.

Yeah. My sister was always the outgoing and pretty one, not me. I just kind of faded into the background most of the time. But you're right, none of us are on even footing, so that's something to bond over.

[she sometimes wonders if there will ever be as strong of a bond between people who came in Deerington first. she's heard stories about what it was like and what people went through, and it sounded awful.

Lexi was being busy at the site for her new bookstore and apparently someone thought it would be funny to somehow summon busy bees. she had a nightmare of a time getting them all out]

Yeah. I mean, I like what I'm doing? Mostly studying and getting things ready and taking lessons from Sasuke. So those are good starts.

Thanks! It broke my heart when I showed up and there was no bookstore. I'm definitely a fan of browsing the shelves and seeing what seems interesting. Clicking along on Amazon isn't the same.

That stinks. I don't know so much what that's like, since I'm an only child, but I do know what it feels like to not feel like you're living up to expectations. At least here, you can attempt to live how you'd want to, and figure out if those expectations are worth making yourself frustrated over.

[It was pretty bad. Luz knew that the bonds with those from Deerington came with the price of having lived through some pretty bad stuff though. In some ways, it was probably better to have only Trench under your belt along with whatever world you lived in before.

Oh, that needed to come up in conversation. Luz had missed some things that month]!

Good to know! Is Sasuke a good teacher?

Ugh, totally agree. Some of my best memories were browsing bookstores with mami. It's harder to find bookstores like that that are not niche.

It's a pretty rough feeling, isn't it? And I don't think those frustrations are really worth it. Cassie has her thing and so should I. I just need to figure out what that is.

[that could be. Trench was weird enough as it was to Lexi. she's constantly trying to figure out what she did or didn't do to get this or that result from one of the Pthumerians' antics. as it was, she didn't think she deserved the Pit of Negative One Million self-esteem when it was the Moss King's turn.

she tried to humanely trap them! all of them! but she wasn't about to let them build a hive in the store broom closet]

Yeah, really good, really understanding. I said I didn't feel ready for the big tournament and he didn't, like, try to guilt trip me. He was very understanding about it. At the same time, I know I'm getting better.

Definitely. I want my store to have a good mix of genres, fiction, and non-fiction. Something anyone can find a book in. Though, if it's okay? What's your mami like?

It is, especially when most of the kids in your school seem to be unimpressed by you.

[That was putting it mildly, but Luz didn't want to give her new friend a bad impression of her without them meeting first.

Right, that whole thing with the Moss King. Luz could see why Fern was not a fan.

Not the bees]!

Sasuke doesn't seem like the type to get all bent out of shape about a tournament. He's more about the actual teaching, which I respect. If I didn't have my history with Ozpin, I'd have considered Sasuke as a teacher. I'm glad you're taking his instruction.

[Luz was pretty sure she'd get better in no time]!

I think you'll find it!

Oh, well. I haven't seen her in a few years because of this place, but...nice. She's someone who works really hard, and she's been my rock for years, if I'm honest. No one could cheer me up like her.

I really do miss her.

[ruefully] Yeahhh...been there, experienced that. But, you too?

[which seemed ridiculous, Luz seemed friendly and outgoing and cute, why would people not like her?

count Lexi among them. she really felt like that whole thing was a giant pain in the ass.

loads of bees! and her not knowing where the hell they came from]

He's not, not at all. And that's definitely it. He seems to know what our possible strengths and weaknesses are, I'm 5'4" and not going to get any taller. So I'm mostly learning about how to turn an opponents momentum against them and use my height as a strength more than a weakness.

[she hoped so! she could already tell she was better than she was when she started]

...wow. That's--it's got to suck. Being away from her for so long. Is there any way she could come back? Does that happen much?

I'm sorry.

Oh yeah. At least you made a friend there. I didn't have friends until I actually left that realm! Kinda sad, right? But I tried too hard and wound up alienating people. Maybe I needed to tone it down.

[Luz unfortunately still carried some of that blame on herself. It wasn't like she could go back and see for sure if it was her fault and not just her own insecurities.

Luz was happy to skip the bees though. No bees, thanks].

Sounds like he knows what he's talking about! I'm sure you're going to do really well if you follow his instructions! Besides, its not a race anyway: the whole reason for going to a teacher is to learn discipline and inner strength so you become a stronger person!

[That's what seemed to be the impression, anyway].

Not that I've seen, and it's been close to two years. I kind of...don't like to think about it too much. It can hurt.

[Her mom. Eda. Margot and many, many others. Luz tried not to look too pained about it, though clearly a little of her feeling there was leaking out].

Sometimes, but it's pretty rare.

[Lexi looks on the shocked side] What, you? You think you're the problem? No. No way. I mean, I just met you and we're already talking like we've been friends forever. At least I think so?

[and Lexi blames herself for not being more open. but it was hard when she had a beautiful older sister (who would put out) who took up all of the air in the room]

Yeah, I'm sure he's forgotten more about martial arts than I'll ever be able to learn in a lifetime. And, I do. And, you're right. I tend to be kinda hard on myself? [and she laughs in an attempt to defuse that statement]

...wow. Yeah. [a pause] Hey, look, if you need someone to talk any of this over with, gimme a call. Or a text? Or a video? I promise it's okay.

[yeah, one thing about being the quiet one? the observer? Lexi tended to be good at reading people. not so good when it came to actual actions, but step one had to be done before step two]

Oh. That sucks. [understatement. damnit, Lexi, be better at personing!]

Maybe I try too hard? The more I did, the more I seemed to freak people out. It's funny, but I was able to make friends more easily when I left the Earth dimension. Not really sure what that says about me. You seem pretty nice yourself though! I'm sure you had your own share of friends!

[Luz would always wonder if she just came across as too spirited, or too hyper. It was hard to think about, since Earth felt like such a long time ago].

Just stick with him, and I'm sure you'll be OK. Don't worry, just take in the lessons, and I'm sure you'll be as strong as anyone in the Dojo!

Oh, sure! I mean, thanks for listening! Didn't mean to dump some of that on you, but saying goodbye never gets easier, you know?

Yeah, it does. The good thing is that I can always make new friends though. Sometimes when I least expect it.

[Hint hint].

No, I mean, I just have to wonder about the taste of people in your home world. But at least you found somewhere you could make friends. [and she flushes] Actually...no. My best friend, she's kind of been drifting away and paying more attention to her girlfriend than anyone else. Which, fair. And all of the other girls I know are my big sister's friends. So I'm kind of...not good at making friends, too. But my problem might be that I don't try hard enough.

[no way, just the right amount of spirited and enthusiastic]

Thank you. Really. I...I appreciate the faith in me. And him. And our lessons.

Hey, no, it's fine. I mean, I'm still here, right? If I minded the, you know, that I would have made some lame excuse and cut off the link.

[warmly] Yeah. This place is good for that.

[hint received! mostly!]

People in my world were...not as dorky as me, I think, and they were put off by my enthusiasm. It's not for everyone!

Oh, that's a shame. You should never let an S.O. make you forget about your friend, especially if they're like you. Well, her loss. I would say that a lot of people might think that about themselves, when in reality they just need a change of scenery to meet like minded people!

[Or not like minded people who were still really fun anyway! It was clearly working out for Luz]!

As someone who's trying to get stronger, I can tell you that it'll be hard at first, but you'll get there. You just have to trust in your conviction.

Heh, yeah, that's true! I'm just trying not to bring people down. It doesn't change how I feel about it, but sometimes you need to vent. Thank you for NOT cutting the link!

It sure is! You know, it's actually really easy to talk to you. I don't know what people in your town are thinking. You're really great!

Well, I like it? If that helps? It's way more fun than pretending to be all jaded about everything.

I guess. I mean it, though, her girlfriend is really sweet. And, I suppose this is my change in scenery? So far, I like it--if only because I can my own house with my own room!

[no more sharing with Cassie, even if she did show up]

I...think I can do that? I've always kind of been someone who sat off to the sidelines and watched everything happen. Hence the username? But I'm trying to be better.

[warmly] Sure, it was the least I could do. I mean, I figure it had to have been traumatizing enough and since we don't have any actual psychologists to help with PTSD, we've got to do our best ourselves.

And I feel the same way about you. And you're really great, too! [she says enthusiastically]

Oh, ok! Thanks!

[Luz couldn't help feeling a little happy about that, since a part of her was always afraid of driving people off with her energy].

I'm sure she is, but still. You should never lose contact with your friends because of that. But you're here now, so I'm not going to be too broken up about it! And yeah, having your own place is actually pretty great!

Oh! Well I'm the opposite, so maybe we can borrow a little from each other there. I mean, I DID just die. Might be a good a sign as any to reel it back a bit.

We could use some here, that's for sure. We have PTSD a plenty. I try not to overwhelm people when I first meet them though!

Hey, would you maybe want to come over sometime? It's a bit of a crazy house, but I do have snacks and movies, and I am technically under strong orders to stay put for a little while. Also, my room is GREAT.

Sure, it's my pleasure.

[it's actually a rather nice change of pace. Maddy back home had a lot of energy, but it was usually angry energy. Luz's is far better]

Yeah. I'm doing my best to try and get settled in. It sort of serves a kick in the shorts when I see so many people younger than us doing just fine, you know? And I love having my own place. I can have miso ramen every day for dinner if that's what I want.

I think that would work. But...even despite. Everything. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to pull back. Take a break from everything for a while, sure, but not full scale pulling back.

And if I was overwhelmed, it was because of the death thing. Not the overwhelming. That part was fine.

I'd love to! That sounds like a lot of fun! Thank you! [Lexi always sounds at least a little amazed when people like her]

[Luz is beaming! It had been a little bit since she felt this hyped]!

Oh sure, I get that. It can be pretty rough, to start almost fresh in a new place! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd totally like it if you didn't just eat the same food, but that aside, having your own place is pretty nice!

I am. Going to try to take it easy at home, catch up on small things, and one of those things will be looking up the bookshop!

The death thing is...not easy. Still recovering from that. Maybe the time at home will
remind me not to get too reckless.

Great! My home's in Cassandra, you'll see it by the big tower! I have the attic all to myself!

[same here! she'd never fallen into conversation so easily with anyone from home]

Yeah. And I'm just sixteen, so in theory there were two more years before I was off to college. A college far, far away from East Highland. I'm thinking Harvard far away. And it's great. I'm already used to doing the cleaning and laundry, so doing it here's no big deal.

[she grins] Good. I'm glad to hear that. All of it.

Or at least reckless within reason. Which might be an oxymoron, I'm not entirely sure? But, yeah, loads of time to recover.

Nice. I'll have to come over sometime soon? I'll bring baked goods. Of some kind. I still can't find a canister of baking powder.

[It was one of those good things in Trench, finding someone who you just clicked with right away! It at least helped to fill some of the hole left by Gus and Willow, who were fond memories Luz would always have of the first true friends she ever made].

Sixteen too, huh? You know, I wonder what I would be doing at that point, if I was still on Earth then. Maybe I'd be prepping for that too, if I didn't decide to stay and help Mami. But I wound up in the Boiling isles, and then Deerington. So. There's that whole thing.

I'm sure my housemates will be too!

Actually, for me that's pretty appropriate. And yes, recover! Key word!

Oh, do! And don't worry about baked good, just bring yourself! I'll prep us with some goods, depending on what we're doing!

I'll lend you a can if you still can't find one! Trust me, learning to cook for yourself and other people? Pretty important!

[it was much easier to find and make friends in Trench. Lexi honestly couldn't remember ever having as many friends as she did here]

Yeah, sure am! [and Lexi winces slightly] Well...I've heard that time kind of stops in our worlds? At least that's a rumor. So maybe you can go back and start making college plans then?

Probably. That's the good and bad thing about having a roommate, there's someone to go home to. And on the flip side, someone to worry about when they aren't home.

R&R! Which according to old pamphlets I've seen in what used to be home ec, going somewhere to ski. Or going somewhere to surf. None of them ever recommended curling up with a good book and a hedgehog.

Oh. Really? [a pause] Sure! And I figure maybe a movie night? Or I bring over some of my personal stash of graphic novels to share?

Yeah, I kind of had to do most of the cooking back home. Mom could manage salads, but that was about it.

[Same here, though Luz started learning that lesson in the Boiling Isles first before she came to Deerington and then Trench, but she understood by now that there were places for people like them. It was comforting].

I don't know if we go back to our worlds when we leave. It's said that we go back to being the squids, traversing the oceans of our life out there, in the vastness of Trench's oceans.

[She wasn't sure how much that was true, but it was food for thought].

Besides, I just started high school back then. It would be really weird to try and think about it now, when I've missed at least two years of school now!

I have that, but with the people I live with now. Most of them are about my age.

[And she worried about them, with everything that happened in Trench].

See, that's supposed to be the hobby, apparently not something highlighted as relaxing! Can you believe that? Hedgehog?

[Surprising, but also incredibly cute]!

Yeah, of course! I'd be hosting, after all! Besides, it gives me chance to cook for you, so why not? And yes, graphic novels! Movies! All the fun stuff!

Just salads? Isn't that pretty bare bones? Not that I'm passing judgement or anything!

[Luz's mom, on the other hand, likely VERY much would].

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