[text] username: justanadventurer

[aetherweaver]

[He debates for a while if he wants to post this anonymously or not. He very nearly does, for fear of making people worried.]

[But he's trying to be better about his mental health, and if he can put his face to this then others can feel more comfortable talking about their problems, too.]

I was just wondering...

A lot of us are 'heroes' in our home worlds, or maybe 'chosen ones' or... basically we're expected to save the world or do something amazing.

How do you change from that to going to an everyday life? I've been trying to for months, but I can't shake the habit if expecting to solve every problem by myself - or nearly by myself, at least. ... It's nice to be regarded as a 'normal' person, but it's difficult to stop trying to be a 'hero'.

It's getting to be a problem, not knowing how to not take on too much. Does anyone have any tips?

[Now to hope Gaia misses this post...]

Comments

[text] un:gaia

[hammerbearer]

[ Keep dreaming. ]

You realize people have this problem about delegating tasks to others even without being considered a hero or a chosen one right?

But you could try, reaching out to someone every other day or so about helping with a task. And learn how to say 'no' if people get in the habit of saddling you with seven different menial task while you've got enough on your plate.

[ So.... practice healthy habits? ]

[aetherweaver]

[Gods damn it.]

Yes, but if you're responsible for a lot of other people it's

Never mind.

I suppose I could try. I mean, I go to the market, I do chores... but I still don't quite feel 'settled in' to a 'normal life'. Or what passes for normal here, anyway.

text; un: ghostking

[umbraportation]

Start small. Find one thing you like doing that had nothing to do with your heroic lifestyle. It could be something like finding half an hour to read a book. Doesn't have be a whole huge project, but something you want to keep doing - finish a book, make this thing you're building, whatever - on a daily basis.

[aetherweaver]

I've been helping out with fixing up the place I'm living, but...

That's a good idea. Focus on the small things... it's been too long since I was able to just relax and finish a book. And probably something non-fiction. I'd like to get more into making things, though - I have some sewing experience, but not much for other manual labor trades.

[umbraportation]

That's a necessity, not a hobby or something fun.

Try picking one thing at a time, and once you've gotten comfortable doing that, add another. Repeat.
It's hard breaking out of "hero" and "chosen one" mindset, and doing too many at once will just make them feel like another chore on your list of things to do.

Text | un: mister_hatter

[payingfordeliverance]

Ah, this one is quite simple. Acquire for yourself a gaggle of fussy, well-intentioned teenagers. The sort prone to making speeches about friendship during dramatic moments are a really good bet.

These will be your guardians. Whenever they sense you thinking of taking on too much -- and this sort of teenager can detect this happening from an admirable distance, I find -- they'll swoop in like a horrid plague of lovable bats and scold you terribly about learning to rely upon others and love yourself and so on. Eventually you'll settle down out of sheer desperation, as the repeated provocation of your kids becomes too tiresome to fight.

[aetherweaver]

[It's a good thing this is text, because he's laughing.]

I do live with someone around that age, though she's not the type for friendship speeches. She's already gotten on my case about taking on too much, but it's a little difficult when I don't quite know how to not take on too much.

text; un: lookingforshinsengumi

[tealeafs]

[ .. oh. Thankfully Chizuru had already heard about parts of this before from Nara'a, so it's not totally surprising.. but it's still a little worrying all the same, just like when he first brought it up.

It's why she thinks for a moment before she writes up a response, wanting to be thoughtful and helpful about this when it might be such a big deal to the other. ]

have you maybe tried limiting yourself step by step
maybe you tell yourself you can only do three good things that day for others
and then two a day the week after
and then maybe even one the week after that
at least then it might be manageable for you

[aetherweaver]

Maybe... that's a good idea.

I just feel bad when someone needs help and I don't help them... I don't want anyone to be hurting.

text; un: dabi

[burnitblack]

[wonderful. just the kinda topic he wants to dabble in. a hero confessing to the ridiculous problems of those "heroic" notions they're so prone to go spouting.]

stop carin so much. be selfish.
lose the arrogant mindset ya got brainwashed to believe is "good hero" thoughts.
learn to say "fuck off" when someone wants to dump all their expectations on ya.
and figure out why the hell ya feel like ya "have to" be a hero in the first place.
betcha it's more for "you" than for "them."

[right. cause the villain who hates heroes is going to be the best person to give advice on "how to not be a hero" to someone else.]

Vague Shadowbringers spoilers

[aetherweaver]

[Oh. Well. That's... that sure is a non-hero answer. In fairness it's what he asked for.]

I don't think I can just stop caring so easily. And in my world I kind of can't tell people to fuck off? I'm pretty much the only one people rely on. Which is its own problem, but not really a solvable one at the moment.

There's... complicated reasons for why I'm a hero. Both because of me and because of things that happened a long time ago. It's almost literally just part of my soul.

But here, I don't have to be. Or at least not relied on to the same degree. I won't deny that I feel good after helping other people, but even helping people where I have literally nothing to gain is something I feel compelled to do.

text; un: an.exorcist

[likethelight]

[ oh... ]

Why can't it be both?

[aetherweaver]

Because I don't need to solve every problem by myself. I know that. But I feel like I have to for various reasons.

I don't want to drive myself crazy trying to fix everything, though. I've seen that happen and it's... bad.

text; un: darth imperius

[drawsghosts]

For me, I try to remember what life was like before I came to Korriban and went on my path to Sith Lordhood. When that gets depressing, I recall those small moments in between my adventures.

[aetherweaver]

I've tried to do that a little, but there's not a ton of need to hunt (which I was never good at)... there's also a lot of research types here already and I don't have the right equipment here anyway.

Text; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

Find some villains who need to be stopped. There's plenty here. That should help with your chronic heroism.

[aetherweaver]

[Okay, that gets a laugh out of him.]

I do have one that I keep tabs on. But it's trying to take a break from the chronic heroism that I'm having trouble with.

text un: vi

[faceblocks]

im not either one of those so maybe im not qualified to answer this but

it seems like ur taking the first step here by asking ppl for advice so good job

[^^^sometimes has problem with taking on too much. is getting better at it.]

[aetherweaver]

Thanks, Vi.

What do you do to relax?

text - un: ilikemeat

[velvet_teen]

you sound pretty dumb! find someone meaner than you and bribe them to kick you in the back of the legs whenever you try to go running off into trouble. That's what I'd do!

[aetherweaver]

While I think I have someone who might volunteer, I was thinking a more productive approach.

text; un: Lothrat

[ezra_of_lothal]

I'd say just take on small stuff. But in fact I have kinda gotten myself into trouble by taking on too much 'small stuff'.

[aetherweaver]

Yeah, exactly. It doesn't help much if you stress yourself out again...

text | un: valravn

[warminded]

I don't see how that would be a problem. Those with power should use it to help those without.

[Which is neither very helpful nor particularly insightful, but maybe Felwinter also has a problem with trying to solve everything by himself.]

What would you say constitutes an "everyday life"?

[aetherweaver]

Of course I still want to help others.

But things like... having hobbies unrelated to fighting. Keeping a schedule that matches others. Socializing. Things that most people do but you might miss since you're so focused on helping people.