text; un: taka

[retsuden]

[ There has been a great deal of things that Sasuke has learned about in the few weeks he's been here just from talking to new people. All of them have been extremely confusing concepts, like therapy and the idea that people take care of children when they don't have anyone else to take care of them.

Some of these conversations where he's learned things have ended in more questions than answers. He could ask for more clarification from the few he's already made contact with, but the more possible answers he can get, the better. He thinks.

He hopes.

This could be a mistake. ]

How would you suggest someone improve their communication skills?

If your go to response is "talk to people", spare me. I'm only interested in more thorough answers.

Comments

text; un: scifo

[thinkfirst]

[ This is something that Flynn has spent a LOT of time thinking about, so he actually has a thorough answer. ]

It depends largely on what sort of thing you're trying to communicate. Are you trying to befriend people? Convince them to listen to what you have to say? Establish yourself as an authority, or communicate a specific message clearly?

[retsuden]

I'm not interested in establishing authority. I suppose befriending people. Or more importantly, strengthening friendships that you may already have.

un: enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

Cross-reference contacts, consider their motivations, your leverage, and always have an alternative information source so that you can head off a lie.

[retsuden]

This makes sense and has been successful with missions, but has failed to help in conversation with others who are more... emotional.

text; un: wulala

[royalfling]

Hi!! You don't know me, and I don't know you, but I have to say that it's pretty brave to just go out there and ask something like this. Maybe you're better at this than you're giving yourself credit for!

What's the hardest for you about communicating? That might be a good place to start!

[retsuden]

I don't see how asking for assistance with something that seems to be more necessary in this place than it is back home is brave. It's just logical.

[ ................................................. That question. Give him a minute. Or five. ]

Talking.

text | timaeusTestified

[givehead]

Practice. It sounds stupid, but look in a mirror and try to hold a conversation with yourself. Write down random subjects on pieces of paper, randomly pick one, and try to figure out how to make a conversation out of it.

That's basically what I used to do. It teaches yourself what other people might be looking for in an organic conversation while teaching you where you are stumbling.

text; un:scifo

[thinkfirst]

That has worked well for me in certain contexts, but does it work with the sort of deep interpersonal communication as well?

text; un: bad.apple

[laniidae]

Communication in which direction? Listening or expressing?

If it's expressing, then I have to say, I can see where you need the work.

[retsuden]

Possibly both. I'm aware it's an obvious flaw.

voice;

[creationrebirth]

[ This is a bit of a surprise, but not the worst one. She goes a different route with it though, since she knows him. ]

Who are you trying to communicate with?

[retsuden]

[ SHIT he forgot she could see this. Sasuke is glad she chose voice and not video so at least his embarrassment can be hidden from view. ]

... Potential allies. Current friends.

text; un: dovahkiin

[fusrodaaaah]

Say





Words ?

[retsuden]

... I think I've at least gotten down those basics.

[ Usually. ]

un: FLYHIGH

[asas]

good job with this post! 👍 you’re on the right track!!!
i’d say always start off by trying to figure out what your talkie likes. i’ve met people who’re like SUPER bad at this but getting into what they like always gets them to roll, and you can totally pick up on mutual likes from there!

Re: un: FLYHIGH

[retsuden]

What's that yellow thing?

[ If he were smart, he would clarify that he gets it's a thumbs up, but HOW DID IT GET THERE? ]

How would you figure out what they like?

video: un; apparition

[unphase]

[there is an eighteen year old young woman seated in the feed. she's wearing a white slip dress which might actually be just a slip and a mink coat. two kittens sleep in the folds of the long coat]

I'm afraid there are few options other than talk to people...but talk with a goal in mind. Are you interested in their diplomatic or war prowess? The full truth with no filter or a partial truth, examined closely? The perspective of one who has been here--counting the apparent other world--or a newcomer? Your request leads to many questions, I'm afraid. Perhaps we can narrow things down?

[retsuden]

[ Sasuke has a particular hatred for video, but he's asking for advice here, so beggars can't be choosers. Besides, he is far too distracted for a moment by the kittens, staring at them rather than her for a good solid minute while he listens. Is that rude? Who cares, it's cats. You'd never guess how much he liked seeing them given that his face still stays more or less neutral, but it's there. Inside.

His forehead wrinkles as he finally goes to look at her through the feed. ]

Simple conversation. Between people I hope to gain as an ally or friends I already have. The kind of communication that... [ What would Naruto call it? ] Nurtures bonds.

un: eudaimonikos; text

[eudaimonikos]

Well, at some point you do have to actually practice a skill to get better at it.

But if you don't want to do that yet, you could observe other people and how they communicate?
Or maybe ask someone who knows you well what they think. They'd probably have more insights.

[retsuden]

I understand that, which is why I didn't want the advice. It was too obvious.

... There's only one person here who knows me well and I don't want to bother her with it. Where could one easily observe other people talking in this city?

text; un: Lothrat

[ezra_of_lothal]

Like other people have said, asking questions is a good start. You're getting some decent tips here, I think.

As someone who spent a lot of time alone growing up and then got tossed into a situation where I was sharing a pretty small space with six beings, I'm gonna emphasize slightly different angles.

Use all this helpful advice, and then when you inevitably screw it up or get frustrated at some point - don't give up. Try again. Apologize, if you fumbled badly enough to warrant it.

But don't be too hard on yourself, either. I bet you've got skills other people here don't. You're just adding to your toolbox in a different order.

[retsuden]

[ Oh. Advice he was not expecting, but apparently needed to hear (read??) very badly. That's ... fine he's fine. ]

Being hard on myself is probably one of my strongest skills.

[ That's probably supposed to be an attempt at a joke. ]

[onerthes]

Talk to people... more!

[Sorry, she's laughing as she types this. She needed a good laugh. But she remembered that username, and he definitely wasn't much of a talker.]

Forgive me, but you did walk right into that one, you know.

Actually, something that I think you might do is sit and listen to two people who are comfortable speaking to each other in your company. There's something to be said for watching how others do a thing.

But just as important is the ability to listen. You seem good at paying attention, but maybe try to build on that. When someone says something, ask them for details, piece by piece. You'll get a feel for what they want to talk about. It might help you know what you want to talk about?

[retsuden]

Trying to attempt to ward off useless answers isn't walking right into a joke. It's the party who cracks it having annoyingly predictable bad taste.

[ The unrecognized victim of the Uchiha clan was Sasuke's sense of humor. Though this is also how he talks to people he likes so it's really unclear whether he's actually annoyed here. ]

I don't know people well enough to do something like that yet, but I will keep it in mind.

Can't asking for too many details seem like an interrogation?

[klawful]

ACCEPT THAT YOU WILL SOUND LIKE THE BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE PROBABLY 50% OF THE TIME.

BUT THEN REALIZE THAT TO FIX UP YOUR FUCK-UPS, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT AND SEE WHERE YOU FUCKED UP.

GRANTED, SOMETIMES, THE OTHER PERSON IS BEING A FUCKING IDIOT AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BRUTAL HONESTY.

BASICALLY, DON'T SHUT UP EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE A DUMBASS.

[retsuden]

I don't care about sounding like an asshole. But how can I actually communicate about my "fuck-ups" if I already struggle with communication?

text; @skywalker

[facultative]

[This is also very pertinent to him.]

Did you get any good suggestions?

[retsuden]

I don't know how good any of them are, but this is what I've been told so far:

- Ask questions to figure out what people like.
- Don't respond with only "yes" or "no", give more detail so people understand you better.
- Observe others conversing to see the natural flow of it. They noted it should be friends, so this is only helpful if you have them.

[ Spoiler alert: he does not. ]

- Approach it with similar techniques to battle. "There's anticipation there, too. If all you're doing is responding to what others say first, that's no different than just getting your sword in the way while your opponent hacks away at you." (This was the most helpful so far.)
- Practice in front of a mirror. I still think this is stupid and I'm not sure it will actually be effective, but was told I should still try.
- Be willing to be vulnerable.
- Talk about the important things even if it's uncomfortable to.

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Training exercises, games, or stuff like that can help.
When I started school the headmaster of the school threw us off a cliff and told us the first person we made eye contact with would be our partner for the next four years of our lives.

It was certainly an interesting way to learn how to bond and communicate with someone.

[retsuden]

... Was it a ninja academy?

un: dragongirl

[catchatting]

Depends on the person. I'd give different advice to someone who's shy vs someone who's kind of an ass. What are you looking to improve?

[retsuden]

If I was shy, it would be unlikely that I would publicly ask an entire group of people I've never met how to be better at talking to people.

[ ............. "kind of" is putting it mildly. ]

text; un: thursday

[foolintherain]

Get drunk.

[ This answer is definitely a mistake. ]

[retsuden]

Great. So I can sound like a moron on top of being an asshole.

Text; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[Count Maul in as someone who is gonna be looking through these responses himself. While he's not very good at communicating himself, he'd like to think he's learned at least something after being surrounded by Sleepers for almost two years.]

Think before you speak. I'm not a very eloquent sort and many of the times I've gotten into conflict with people that didn't already end in a fight was because I couldn't find the right words to express myself and so I said the wrong thing or couldn't fully express what I was trying to tell them.

[retsuden]

I always think about it first. What if thinking isn't helping to find the right words?

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

Well, I think it's great that you want to improve to start with! Some people don't even want to go that far!

I'm sure you've been asked this already, but what is it you want to communicate? It helps to have a goal in mind if it's not something you're used to doing. Personally, I just love making new friends and getting to know people! But not everyone has that goal and that's okay!

[retsuden]

[ He's really got to get a flat surface to put his device on with how many people here like video. He's at least getting better at how far he needs to hold it away from himself for people to actually see his face.

Which right now is the slightest shade of pink. If you squint. This is the first time he's had to answer that question with someone actually seeing him. ]

I'd like to know how to... make better connections.

text; un: LSKennedy

[makingthetime]

You're going to hate this: talk to people.

In more detail: the only way you can really improve a skill is by practicing at it until you're at least passably good at it. I'd recommend starting out with someone you actually like and going with easy small talk at first. The heavier stuff can wait until you're more comfortable with that type of thing.

Right now, you're not doing too shabbily at it. Lot of people seem willing enough to help you out here.

[retsuden]

After getting the advice from many, I'm realizing I should have been more specific in my statement. I am aware it will take practice, I have every intention to practice, because only an idiot would think they can acquire a new skill without practicing it.

However, I can not practice something I don't know how to do in the first place, and so "just talk to people" is unhelpful because it doesn't give me any guidance on the expectations people have within basic conversations. Obviously there is more to it than just saying words at someone or there wouldn't be something to practice in the first place. I need to know the social expectations and the usual topics people use for "small talk," what behaviors are people expecting when they say someone needs to show interest or seem like they care about the other party, etc. I've apparently been missing all of these queues even in these simple and short text conversations I'm engaging in just on this post.

But you're right. People have been helpful. I suppose now I have more to work with when I inevitably have to get to the practicing part.

text | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

well, after just a couple talks with you i think the best advice i can give is tell you to do the exact opposite of whatever you're thinking of saying or doing

[retsuden]

[ God he can't even be mad about this, it's probably the most spot-on advice so far. But he's not about to say that :| ]

Provide an example.

[text | un: seeingeyefox]

[auralaura]

Seems like you're doing a good job right now.

[retsuden]

Does it? Much of the feedback I've gotten so far suggests that I am anywhere from mildly uncaring to an asshole.