deernet | Video UN: glyphywitchy [Back dated to May 12]

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Video UN: glyphywitchy [Back dated to May 12]

[It's been a few days since dying, and Luz had unfortunately kept this to herself. If you haven't been able to tell, this girl has been having a pretty rough month, and it didn't seem to be getting better. She lurched her device to focus, and, though coughing, was looking directly into the camera].

So. Uh. Died. First time, ha ha, not a fun experience. Kinda looking for some company, here or just on this thing otherwise. I should probably be getting rest, yes, but staring up at the ceiling regretting stuff and hating yourself can only keep out the quiet for so long.

Also, been out of the loop a bit. Someone update me on things?

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sickandstressed1

Luz was pretty sure that she was going to get an earful from people in the house, but ESPECIALLY from Ahiru, who had very much not wanted her to go on the mission. Luz had thought she could handle it and had handled somewhat similar situations before. Now, though, since they'd talked about it before, Luz knew it looked even WORSE.

Add the whole mix of self-loathing for being too weak to avoid death and the ever-present gloom of missing Fern and Varian, and Luz was pretty much a powder keg of emotions and blah. She was in her room right now, dimly lit with her purple lights and surrounded by a fort of stuffed animals and, well, Luz was a sight to see.

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It's a lot. But once you get past the existential dread, you're just really happy to be alive!

[That sure was a way of saying that, Luz].

I agree! I actually rely on my friends quite a lot! You really have to, at times.

Same. On Earth, anyway.

Wait, tongues being ripped-oh! You're talking about the karate tournament, right?

It's not nearly that bad. Johnny's just very aggro.

Have you? Gotten over the existential dread? [in a rush] Sorry, that was really personal, you don't have to answer that.

[her curiosity had gotten the better of her again. one day, she'd learn to keep her mouth shut, but apparently today wasn't that day]

Yeah. I mean, there's no telling what might happen next month. Some of the time, it's pretty...intimate. Like way intimate.

Mm-hmm. That was certainly something. [but she's not going to specify which kind of something]

No kidding. That's why, or part of why, I went with Sasuke. I told him that I didn't feel ready to compete this time and he was okay with that.

Mostly. It's not a good feeling to die, hurts pretty badly, but I'm glad I'm back again. I still feel like ME.

[That was what Luz had always feared: that she would feel like she was put into another vessel. It still felt like her body, and she was just glad this wasn't the end of her life living].

Oh trust me, I KNOW. Anytime you start dealing with people's memories and their experiences, things get very personal very quickly.

[She assumed that was what she meant].

I know. Boy, do I know.

That is fair! me, I feel like I want to get stronger after this, so I want to test what I can do with other opponents and find out how I can improve!

...that's the part which scares me. The pain. A friend of mine had a dad die of cancer when he was still really young. Back then, I spent as much time at her house as I did my own, so I kind of...saw that kind of pain.

[and how it reverberated through the entire Bennett household. How Mrs. Bennett always had a little frown line between her brows. How Gia had went from an outgoing, cheerful kid into one already in mourning. and then there was Rue]

But. Feeling like you. That's the important part. That you're you and you'll stay that way. And I'm afraid most of my memories would be pretty mundane compared to everyone else. I never was the most outgoing type.

[which is the understatement of the century. she wants to feel like she's good enough to be outgoing, but it's still a slow process]

Yeah? Who are you studying with?

The moment before you go isn't great. When you come to though, it's like things are foggy and you're really groggy at first, since your body us adjusting from everything.

That's really good you were there for her!

[Luz tried to not look a little downcast about this. It WAS nice that she had helped her friend when her father passed away.

Made her wish that had been the same for her when her own dad died. She was lucky enough that she and Mami had each other when that happened].

I think so too. Luckily, nothing feels different.

Maybe that's for the best though! More intense memories mean people get to see you in those compromising situations. No one is "cool" all the time!

[Luz could think of a few memories she wouldn't want people to see of her].

I'm in Ozpin's school to improve some of my fighting skill, and I fence with my friend Vira-Lorr.

[No more sword instruction for now. That hope left with Fern].

...I think I'm going to try and avoid as much danger as I can. I'm a Darkblood, in theory I should be able to hold my own if I used my powers, but they're kind of unreliable.

I tried. I wasn't really who she needed, though.

[despite Lexi dropping multiple hints starting in the summer before ninth grade. but Jules seems to make Rue really happy, that's the important part. and no one back home or here know that she's pansexual. it took being separated from Rue for the foreseeable future to realize that she was interested]

Really? There was this girl back home, Maddy, no matter what drama she had going on in her life, she seemed kind of effortlessly cool. Most of the time, anyway.

[so does Lexi. most of them aren't even technically her memories, but they're awful footage of her older sister doing sex stuff being shown to her by guys who were making fun of her for being a prude]

Ohhh. I haven't met Ozpin in person, but I've seen him around. Same for Vira-Lorr. [a pause] I guess I should introduce myself to more people, huh?

[she already sees Sasuke as family. and Adaine and Sersi. she's been starved for functional family members for a long time]

No one is unable to avoid danger, no matter what their blood is. Trust me, I wished it was different!

[Sadly, Luz knew that this was not the case].

Oh! That-yes, I guess that would also matter, though really I think I'd want to just help. That can be a bad time for anyone!

[Luz hadn't expected that to factor in, but meeting another queer person always made her a little happy! It was pretty much finding out there were more people like you all over the universe]!

Sometimes people are very good at hiding it!

[Luz was very much not cool, and she hid her trauma pretty well, actually. And yes, those all sounded really bad].

You should! Believe me, it'll be worth it!

Okay, let's set a more realistic goal. Avoid half of the danger? That seems like an achievable goal?

[she's never been in so much as a grade school brawl. she really enjoys her lessons with Sasuke, though. it's an affirmation that maybe she can be a bad-ass. a baby bad-ass at least?

and it seemed like almost everyone here was somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum which was both heady and terrifying at the same time. here, she could have a crush on a girl and do something about it. but what if the other girl didn't feel the same way? disaster. disaster, disappointment, and humiliations galore]

Yeah. Though I kind of keep to myself back home. So no one's really had the chance to figure things out about me.

And, um. I'm kind of trying now? To see who might be interested in books and comics? The latter at least is kind of a niche interest.

If it's the easy, count me in!

[Ugh, it wasn't, it REALLY wasn't. Every month was some new thing she didn't even think to consider.

You'll be a baby bad ass in no time! If Luz could do it, so can you!

Luz could relate...almost. Would have to have had the time to like someone like that after, well, realizing she'd fallen for Amity Blight].

Huh! Wow. Now that I think about it, I did most of that in school. Didn't really change until I hopped dimensions!

Well you'll get them! Books and comics! This place will be right up there with the arcade!

I'd be happy to, it sounds like you had way more than your share of bad recently.

[she was mostly pleased she didn't turn into anything. that was her greatest fear, turning into something which wasn't her at all. she's no great fan of herself, but better that than some of the things she's heard about.

she wants to. both out of self-protection and because that was something that Cassie would never do. so it would be Lexi's.

if she was being honest with herself, it would have been obvious that she'd been crushing on Rue since pre-school. and that the only reason why she asked if it was weird when Rue taught her how to french kiss was because deep down, she was hoping the answer was an enthusiastic no]

Figuring out who you were? Then you're lucky, really lucky. [she says earnestly]

Yes! That's the goal! Books and comics and manga everywhere!

I've had much better days.

[Certainly, she didn't like thinking of all the pain her death caused other people to have. She had hoped to be part of the team that helped stop the Tyrant, not be another casualty. So much for that.

It all sounded really rough, and Luz knew that figuring out what those feelings were all about were not easy things. She was at least glad this place didn't make her feel like she was part of a small few who's attraction wasn't just to the opposite sex, or even to just their own species! But when that would ever factor into her current love life was anyone's guess].

Oh, I am! I know that a little bit more every day!

Yes! Truly a utopia of weebs and well-read nerds!

Yeah, I can imagine. [a brief, high-pitched chuckle] Or more accurately, I can't. I really have been able to avoid the worst of the worst. But watch that other one, the floating eyeball one, to nail me somehow.

[if it's anything like going to see Rue in a coma after ODing and clinging to Mrs. Bennett, it was like guilt. that what was obvious wasn't what the big picture was looking at. Lexi should have said something earlier.

Lexi knew better than to fixate herself on one person. she did, she really did, despite her rampaging crush on Rue a while ago. Jules made Rue happy, alpha and omega, amen. but it was great to know that if she wanted to be with a girl, no one would hold that against her. that she could be her whole self, even those bits she was afraid of showing to the world]

Yeah. Maybe I'll be lucky, too?

[Lexi laughs] Oh! Oh, my god! Yeah. Yeah. All of that. If I have anything to say about it at least.

Hey, don't worry, it'll happen! I didn't think it would to me, but it just took some time. Like I said, people help! If you don't have that, there's still places to visit to get your mind off of stuff. I recommend the arcade to anyone who wants to just have a fun time!

[Wow. She sure hoped Lexi wouldn't have to deal with anything that hard in Trench (well, not right away, anyway).

And Luz was just happy that more people were getting to live their best lives without anyone judging them or making them feel strange for loving whomever they felt like. It was good to know if Luz ever went that route (in love anyway)].

I'm sure you will, but either way I'll wish you good luck!

Awesome! I'm always a fan of library-like places!

That would be great. The getting more used to this thing and the more friends thing both. I feel kind of like that kids' storybook, though, would you be my mommy? Only for mommy, replace it with friend?

[she likely would never have to. she's heard that there are magic mushrooms, but they're not addictive and can't be overdosed on.

it was almost intimidating to Lexi, that so many people were living their lives without the fear of judgement. she was in high school, everything carried judgement with it]

Thank you, that's sweet of you.

So am I. That's what I'm hoping to bring here.

It takes time, sometimes for lots of different reasons. I get you, I get you! But it'll get easier, trust me. It helps that we're all displaced in one way or another, so we're all starting from a place not exactly normal.

[Granted, everyone who'd lived through Deerington had their own perspective there, and would find things a little more familiar than they would like.

Luz had hallucinated on the mushrooms one month due to shenanigans. They certainly did not FEEL magical to her]!

We could all use that, no worries! I'm sure you'll find your place soon!

It's a good idea. We all could use a place like that.

Yeah. My sister was always the outgoing and pretty one, not me. I just kind of faded into the background most of the time. But you're right, none of us are on even footing, so that's something to bond over.

[she sometimes wonders if there will ever be as strong of a bond between people who came in Deerington first. she's heard stories about what it was like and what people went through, and it sounded awful.

Lexi was being busy at the site for her new bookstore and apparently someone thought it would be funny to somehow summon busy bees. she had a nightmare of a time getting them all out]

Yeah. I mean, I like what I'm doing? Mostly studying and getting things ready and taking lessons from Sasuke. So those are good starts.

Thanks! It broke my heart when I showed up and there was no bookstore. I'm definitely a fan of browsing the shelves and seeing what seems interesting. Clicking along on Amazon isn't the same.

That stinks. I don't know so much what that's like, since I'm an only child, but I do know what it feels like to not feel like you're living up to expectations. At least here, you can attempt to live how you'd want to, and figure out if those expectations are worth making yourself frustrated over.

[It was pretty bad. Luz knew that the bonds with those from Deerington came with the price of having lived through some pretty bad stuff though. In some ways, it was probably better to have only Trench under your belt along with whatever world you lived in before.

Oh, that needed to come up in conversation. Luz had missed some things that month]!

Good to know! Is Sasuke a good teacher?

Ugh, totally agree. Some of my best memories were browsing bookstores with mami. It's harder to find bookstores like that that are not niche.

It's a pretty rough feeling, isn't it? And I don't think those frustrations are really worth it. Cassie has her thing and so should I. I just need to figure out what that is.

[that could be. Trench was weird enough as it was to Lexi. she's constantly trying to figure out what she did or didn't do to get this or that result from one of the Pthumerians' antics. as it was, she didn't think she deserved the Pit of Negative One Million self-esteem when it was the Moss King's turn.

she tried to humanely trap them! all of them! but she wasn't about to let them build a hive in the store broom closet]

Yeah, really good, really understanding. I said I didn't feel ready for the big tournament and he didn't, like, try to guilt trip me. He was very understanding about it. At the same time, I know I'm getting better.

Definitely. I want my store to have a good mix of genres, fiction, and non-fiction. Something anyone can find a book in. Though, if it's okay? What's your mami like?

It is, especially when most of the kids in your school seem to be unimpressed by you.

[That was putting it mildly, but Luz didn't want to give her new friend a bad impression of her without them meeting first.

Right, that whole thing with the Moss King. Luz could see why Fern was not a fan.

Not the bees]!

Sasuke doesn't seem like the type to get all bent out of shape about a tournament. He's more about the actual teaching, which I respect. If I didn't have my history with Ozpin, I'd have considered Sasuke as a teacher. I'm glad you're taking his instruction.

[Luz was pretty sure she'd get better in no time]!

I think you'll find it!

Oh, well. I haven't seen her in a few years because of this place, but...nice. She's someone who works really hard, and she's been my rock for years, if I'm honest. No one could cheer me up like her.

I really do miss her.

[ruefully] Yeahhh...been there, experienced that. But, you too?

[which seemed ridiculous, Luz seemed friendly and outgoing and cute, why would people not like her?

count Lexi among them. she really felt like that whole thing was a giant pain in the ass.

loads of bees! and her not knowing where the hell they came from]

He's not, not at all. And that's definitely it. He seems to know what our possible strengths and weaknesses are, I'm 5'4" and not going to get any taller. So I'm mostly learning about how to turn an opponents momentum against them and use my height as a strength more than a weakness.

[she hoped so! she could already tell she was better than she was when she started]

...wow. That's--it's got to suck. Being away from her for so long. Is there any way she could come back? Does that happen much?

I'm sorry.

Oh yeah. At least you made a friend there. I didn't have friends until I actually left that realm! Kinda sad, right? But I tried too hard and wound up alienating people. Maybe I needed to tone it down.

[Luz unfortunately still carried some of that blame on herself. It wasn't like she could go back and see for sure if it was her fault and not just her own insecurities.

Luz was happy to skip the bees though. No bees, thanks].

Sounds like he knows what he's talking about! I'm sure you're going to do really well if you follow his instructions! Besides, its not a race anyway: the whole reason for going to a teacher is to learn discipline and inner strength so you become a stronger person!

[That's what seemed to be the impression, anyway].

Not that I've seen, and it's been close to two years. I kind of...don't like to think about it too much. It can hurt.

[Her mom. Eda. Margot and many, many others. Luz tried not to look too pained about it, though clearly a little of her feeling there was leaking out].

Sometimes, but it's pretty rare.

[Lexi looks on the shocked side] What, you? You think you're the problem? No. No way. I mean, I just met you and we're already talking like we've been friends forever. At least I think so?

[and Lexi blames herself for not being more open. but it was hard when she had a beautiful older sister (who would put out) who took up all of the air in the room]

Yeah, I'm sure he's forgotten more about martial arts than I'll ever be able to learn in a lifetime. And, I do. And, you're right. I tend to be kinda hard on myself? [and she laughs in an attempt to defuse that statement]

...wow. Yeah. [a pause] Hey, look, if you need someone to talk any of this over with, gimme a call. Or a text? Or a video? I promise it's okay.

[yeah, one thing about being the quiet one? the observer? Lexi tended to be good at reading people. not so good when it came to actual actions, but step one had to be done before step two]

Oh. That sucks. [understatement. damnit, Lexi, be better at personing!]

Maybe I try too hard? The more I did, the more I seemed to freak people out. It's funny, but I was able to make friends more easily when I left the Earth dimension. Not really sure what that says about me. You seem pretty nice yourself though! I'm sure you had your own share of friends!

[Luz would always wonder if she just came across as too spirited, or too hyper. It was hard to think about, since Earth felt like such a long time ago].

Just stick with him, and I'm sure you'll be OK. Don't worry, just take in the lessons, and I'm sure you'll be as strong as anyone in the Dojo!

Oh, sure! I mean, thanks for listening! Didn't mean to dump some of that on you, but saying goodbye never gets easier, you know?

Yeah, it does. The good thing is that I can always make new friends though. Sometimes when I least expect it.

[Hint hint].

No, I mean, I just have to wonder about the taste of people in your home world. But at least you found somewhere you could make friends. [and she flushes] Actually...no. My best friend, she's kind of been drifting away and paying more attention to her girlfriend than anyone else. Which, fair. And all of the other girls I know are my big sister's friends. So I'm kind of...not good at making friends, too. But my problem might be that I don't try hard enough.

[no way, just the right amount of spirited and enthusiastic]

Thank you. Really. I...I appreciate the faith in me. And him. And our lessons.

Hey, no, it's fine. I mean, I'm still here, right? If I minded the, you know, that I would have made some lame excuse and cut off the link.

[warmly] Yeah. This place is good for that.

[hint received! mostly!]

People in my world were...not as dorky as me, I think, and they were put off by my enthusiasm. It's not for everyone!

Oh, that's a shame. You should never let an S.O. make you forget about your friend, especially if they're like you. Well, her loss. I would say that a lot of people might think that about themselves, when in reality they just need a change of scenery to meet like minded people!

[Or not like minded people who were still really fun anyway! It was clearly working out for Luz]!

As someone who's trying to get stronger, I can tell you that it'll be hard at first, but you'll get there. You just have to trust in your conviction.

Heh, yeah, that's true! I'm just trying not to bring people down. It doesn't change how I feel about it, but sometimes you need to vent. Thank you for NOT cutting the link!

It sure is! You know, it's actually really easy to talk to you. I don't know what people in your town are thinking. You're really great!

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