un: timaeusTestified | text | Birthday Boy

[givehead]

Turning 21 has been a completely underrated experience. I was expecting the blackout and loss of time. Even the warping to a new place isn't out of the realm of estimated probability.

But being genetically altered is a plot twist. I assume it is so we can fuck the monsters.

I call dibs on the raven dude.

cw: looots of kink/fetish/nsfw jokes/conversation going on in this here post.

Comments

Voice;

[opress]

I don't even know how decapitation works with finding completion.

[It did sound like something a Nightsister would be gamely to try.]

Absolutely not. You're probably tiny anyway.

[givehead]

You and me both. I'm sure it's someone's fetish. I'd prefer keeping both my heads intact during sex.

(Dirk was into fetish stuff, for sure, but necrophilia and the like had never been on all that high on his list.)

Sure, man. What do you constitute as tiny?

[opress]

There's a fetish for everything in the galaxy. It's likely some species' mating ritual anyway.

[He was going to ask about Dirk having two heads - that made losing one easier to consider - but he didn't want to seem too interested.]

If I can step on your face from standing position, you're tiny.

[His brother taught him that.]

[givehead]

The Praying Mantis decapitates their mate, so, yeah, it is.

(Probably for the best. Dirk would never have been able to keep a straight face if he was seriously asked that question.)

I mean, if I lay down, you can step on any part of me that you want. How big are you?

[opress]

Most spider species eat their mates where I'm from.

[Sexual slang and euphemism wasn't his strong suit.]

That stands for anyone. I'm seven-foot two... not including horns. How big are you? [Wait.] Your height.

[givehead]

Thankfully I don't seek sex for reproductive reasons.

(....Mmm...Big man...with horns...Oh shit. He can feel himself swooning already. Guys were never bigger than him. Granted, he's only ever met three other human males before and the one male alien he met was a shorty.)

I'm six foot even. So you can't step on me while we're both standing, but if you want to step on me, all you gotta do is ask. How big are your horns?

[opress]

Most male-on-male interaction doesn't from my experience.

[Living in an all male-village had some advantages thankfully, even if the rate of death was still high. At least not for sex reasons usually.]

You're acceptably tall. If I stretch, I could still kick you in the throat or chest, but normally people don't want me to kick or step on them. [Okay, cue a pause while it reached up to figure out how long they were; no one has ever asked him that.] Tallest are about six inches, but the shorter ones are two.

[givehead]

It's our blessing, I guess. You can cut through typical sex rituals.

(He figures anyway.)

Thanks. I try. I think I get bigger in other timelines. (He scoffs.) If you could get to me in time. I'm fast. I have good high kicks too, so I could get you in the chest or throat to return the favor.

(He has a million questions at once. He wonders if this guy is a troll if those horns were representative of anything else...But starting with the basics was probably a better idea.)

So we've clarified that I'm technically a human - although I'd like to point out I'm also technically god tier. But what are you?

[opress]

I guess.

[He was still set on being useful in his bloodline, since his youngest brother was dead and his eldest had no genitalia to speak of. But, males were good practice.]

Other timelines...? [That was a strange comment.] I doubt you'll get far. Perhaps in future we'll see if you can manage it.

[Immortal god-tier human. He couldn't even wrap his head around that description.]

So you're human. Immortal. And a god. [What a strange human.] I'm Zabrak, native to Dathomir not Iridonia. [As if that should be obvious over voice.]

[givehead]

(Who needed to be useful. He had been the last human male on earth and threw out any possibility of reproduction for his own sake.)

Mmmhm. In other timelines where I had proper nutrition growing up. (He figures, anyway. It made sense to him.) You'd be surprised. I'm good at what I do.

(He makes a low humming noise, then realizes he should probably use his words.)

Yes. (Definitely strange. He barely considered himself human most days.)

Right, yeah. I was like whoa, you mean Iridonia? Thanks for the clarification. What's your name, cutie?

[opress]

Was your planet dead or dying then? [He wasn't so certain about the 'other' timelines thing, but it wasn't worth focusing on.]

If it comes to brawling and killing, so am I.

[It almost sounded like a challenge. Not that he was certain he wanted to meet this human face-to-face.]

You're strange. [Which was, unfortunately, his usual descriptor for things he didn't understand or classify.]

You've been to Iridonia. [Savage no.] ...cutie?

[givehead]

Depends who you ask. From a humanity perspective, dead. I was the last human male alive. Aliens had invaded. So for them, it was fine.

(Not a straightforward answer at all.)

Sounds like an amazing first date.

(And his actual real first date. At least he's consistent.)

Yeah? Shit, ain't never heard that one before. (Yes, he has.)

Totally. (Deadpan. He was going to be merciless with this dude.)

Well, what else should I call you? I'm being resourceful.

[opress]

Oh, invasion of a planet is completely fine then. Genocide on a planetary scale seems to be a Mandalorian and Sith manner of dealing with many issues.

[Wars and genocide had been going on for thousands of years. The Mandalorians were probably the worst followed by the Sith from what he had heard. Then again, it was long before his time. He didn't care one way or another.]

No.

[He growled that out dangerously. Dating was no. By the Fanged God's balls, why did this have to be public? Maybe his brother wouldn't see.]

Ugh, and a liar. If you'd been there, you'd know what a Zabrak was.

How is that resourceful? You haven't seen me, so you can't measure any sort of cuteness. Kits are cute. I am not. What's your name, human? Then I will give you mine.

[givehead]

They were Alternian trolls. It was pretty customary for their race.

(To his credit, Dirk doesn't sound that beat up about it. You can't miss what you never really knew. There was a lot of wrong with humanity too.)

Suit yourself.

(Dirk laughs at the sound of his growl, half charmed by it.)

It's not lying when it's sarcasm. It's not my fault you suck at picking up on it. (Dirk, you're just being rude now.)

Cute can be used for more than physical descriptors. It can be for personality too. My name's Dirk, and for the record, I'm adorable.

[opress]

One of those trolls is here, I think. It's customary for many races.

[Wasn't that the creature that yelled a lot and gave his elder brother a crisis when it came to describing different kinds of love. Savage hadn't thought much of it because all love for him was either non-existent or familial.

Ugh, Kenobi used a lot of sass in the form of sarcasm too. Zabrak didn't usually use sarcasm much as it would lead to fights and they had enough to worry about.]

Zabrak that use sarcasm tend to die quickly. So do Jedi. And humans. [So everyone.]

My personality will never be cute. [Well, personal assessment was fine.] Fine. My name is Savage Opress.

Voice; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

[Du du du, just reading what other people have to say~

Oh! It's Savage.

Wait. Why is SAVAGE of all people here?

Well, now she's curious as hell! And oooooh ho ho ho ho! This conversation did NOT disappoint!]

OH MY GOSH! SAVAGE! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO ON A DATE WITH DIRK-SAN!

:') voice

[givehead]

Yeah, Savage, go on a date with Dirk-san.

[lightthedarkness]

I mean, between him and his brother, Maul, who... I don't see around yet but YOU will see him around, to be sure. Between Savage and Maul, Savage is nicer and calmer.

[She's got BOTH brothers pinned.] I mean, don't get me wrong, both of them have serious rage problems. [And codependency problems.] BUT Savage is more likely to leave you unconscious, Maul is... mnn... WAS more likely to kill... Thooough, he may maim now more depending on what caused him to do it in the first place.

Anyway! Stubborn as HELL though, just absolutely fair warning.

Voice;

[opress]

[At this very moment, Savage actually wished she was still so very angry with him and wasn't speaking to him. Why did this have to be public? Also made worse by Dirk replying to her too.

He snorted like an enraged bull.]

Why are you yelling? About dating? I don't date.

[He'll eat those words someday.]

Voice;

[lightthedarkness]

You don't date yet because [See codependency issues] you just never found the right person! Dirk-san seems genuinely enthusiastic about the whole thing!

And don't try to be like "Oh, but I'm not enthusiastic." [She tried her best imitation at his voice, it was terrible.] Because you're never enthusiastic about ANYTHING anyway.

Maybe you'll like it!

Voice; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul has been following this whole thing, enjoying himself immensely, and feels now is a good time to butt in.]

I agree. I've been trying to find someone for his potential mate here and having no success. This seems very promising.

[Oh no, Savage. Your brother and his wife are teaming up to get you on a date. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Then as an aside to Dirk:]

But first I need to make sure you are worthy of my brother.

[As any good overprotective older brother should be doing when setting up their younger sibling on a date.]

Voice; Not here

[lightthedarkness]

[NONE of the boys can see it but, Usagi is ABSOLUTELY pumping a fist in victory when Maul joins in. They all might hear the softly whispered "Yes!" though.]

Re: Voice; un: darkness

[givehead]

(God, this is one of the most hilarious things that has ever happened to him in his life.

He somehow manages to speak without a trace of amusement in his voice though, much to his credit:)

Sure. I get that. What do you constitute as worthy?

[givehead]

Yeah. It's my brother's boyfriend.

(He was pretty sure there was another troll here too, but he hadn't looked into it too much yet.)

It's a good thing I'm still immortal despite my fondness for sarcasm, then.

(He was conditionally immortal, but Savage doesn't need to know that.)

That's subjective. (......)

You're fucking with me. For real? That's one of the most edgelord names I have ever heard.

[opress]

You said you were the last male of the human species. How can you have a brother?

[Of course, the whole idea of brotherhood was generally blurred, but he wasn't going to admit that. That he knew his bloodkin was rare for a Nightbrother.]

If you keep being sarcastic, you and I might be testing how immortal you actually are.

[He growled at the idea of subjective.]

It's my name. My brother is Maul.