deernet | TEXT - Anonymous

[on top of that, Rose figured that Snow White wanted to be happy. genuinely happy. not that she didn't seem to be, but she knew the story and knew how such things tended to scar, even when one was determined to not admit it]

You're right. I know you're right, but...I close my eyes and I can't help seeing an ocean full of bodies.

[despite Rose's hang-ups on certain areas of her past, she really was starting to. she could see herself being happier here in the long run, even dealing with the monthly madness]

Yes. Unfortunately, talking things over doesn't always help. One must be committed to having their own hearts changed before a true transformation can happen.

[Likewise, Luz wanted the same for her friend. Heck, Luz honestly got very protective when she thought of the girl, alone in the woods, though she at least had all of her wood friends helping her out, which Luz found both funny and something to be envied].

I'm not surprised. I can still remember bodies in certain situations myself. They aren't exactly memories I'm happy to revisit.

[She was at least happy Rose was making progress. It might be slow, but at least it was making sure she was getting better at dealing with all the things that Trench threw at them].

I agree completely. And sometimes you're just not able to move on as easily as you'd like.

[yes, Snow was a couple of years older than Rose and while not as sophisticated in some ways, was far ahead of her in terms of forgiveness. Rose honestly wondered if she'd ever be able to bring herself to forgive those who had wronged her. and Jack. and all of the Steerage passengers and crew]

Nor I. But, I fear that I will never be able to forgive those who put the people in those situations. I don't know if denial or acceptance--even though it can never be true acceptance--is best.

[she was. her first couple of months, she'd been terrified to face everything that Trench had to offer. now, it wasn't necessarily that she was more capable, but that she'd endured strangeness before, would in the future, and would in the here and now]

...no. But at the same time, I want to help her do so. Even though the likelihood of my doing so is slim.

[Luz had always thought that Snow White was far too forgiving when it came to all of the things that had happened to her, and the people who had deliberately wronged her. In some ways, Luz thought it mattered that the worlds Snow and Rose came from were very different, and what someone was supposed to take as acceptable behavior was really going to be where the two of them diverged].

In some ways, it's not up to you to forgive them. They choose to value certain people's lives over other ones, and there are always going to be people like that. What you can learn is how to never think that way yourself. You can make a difference by choosing to value all lives, not just the ones you think should continue on.

[It was an awkward lesson, but one Luz kept close to heart. And she knew now that she's still stumble when it came to what Trench would throw at her, but she wouldn't let it change her for the worse].

Then do your best, Rose. Maybe she'll see that all on her own.

[the way Snow had been treated...it was infuriating for Rose. she wanted more than anything to try and help her heal, but first she had to acknowledge the wounds. And Rose feared that would do far more harm than good in the long run. she didn't want Snow to be traumatized all over again and would fight to make sure that never happened]

I...well, I like to think I've already gotten that far? And that by your time, perhaps things have changed enough? Of course, there's no such thing as "enough" when it comes to human rights.

[and she knows it can't happen overnight, much as she may wish it otherwise. there were a great many things she would change if she could, ones which would upturn the established order of her days, but she knew that it wasn't necessarily a good order]

I do hope so. And even if she doesn't, I'll be there for her as her friend.

[It was sort of how Luz felt when she learned how Rose was treated, but this was far worse: Snow seemed resigned to understanding that this was simply how the Queen acted, and that it was something to be wary of rather than it having to be condemned. Luz hoped that Rose would at least help Snow see how bad things were].

I agree, but I'll say that you can have autonomy much more than you did in your time. We still have a way to go, but I feel like we're getting there!

[Granted, Luz hadn't been home in a very long time, so it was hard to say exactly how much had changed since her absence].

I know you will, and that's good. Snow needs more friends, even if she does have lots of non-speaking ones!

[that's what worried Rose, too. Rose knew that the way she was being treated was wrong and was ultimately able to do something about it. Snow seemed to almost luck her way into her animal friends and her dwarfs. but she wasn't sure which would be better, continued resignation or ripping open a wound Snow probably didn't fully realize she had]

Autonomy sounds like something out of a dream. Like it's there, it's real, and if I reach out just far enough, it's mine. But then it evaporates.

[she'd heard from others that many groups had more freedom than they'd had in her day, that alone is something to rejoice at]

She does. I do worry about her.

[Luz wasn't sure she had a definitely answer there, anyway, she was certain it wasn't her place to tell Rose how she should act when it came to Snow White. After all, it was Rose who was taken by her, and so she was the one who was going to have to tread carefully. The last thing Luz wanted was to try and offer advice that might backfire].

You have to make it your own, however you can. Sometimes it feels like that's impossible, but I'm sure that you'll get there on your own. It might not be how you imagined it, but it can still happen!

You can worry! But ultimately, she's got to be the one that reaches out to you. So be careful.

[that was the problem, there was no set or easy answer. and Rose barely had a real plan for dealing with her own traumas, she wasn't sure of how to proceed with Snow. maybe the timing wasn't right, maybe it was, and maybe it would all settle itself out in time. there were a lot of maybes to consider and sort through. good thing there seemed to be plenty of time]

I certainly hope so. I want to be able live the life I dreamed of in reality, not only as a dream.

I will. I want her to feel comfortable with me, above all else. So I guess we'll see?

[Luz would have agreed with Rose there: it was really going to come down to what Snow thought, and what was going to happen to shape the things Snow was dealing with. Luz hoped, for Rose's sake, that things would turn out right for her].

Of course. Let's hope the next month isn't so bad then!

If it makes you feel any better, I feel plenty comfortable with you. Maybe Snow has to break down what feel's safe for her.

[she wanted things to turn out right, either as friends or as girlfriends. whatever was intended by fate. she wanted Snow to be happy above all]

Oh, goodness, it could hardly be worse!

You do? I'm so glad. And, it seems as though that's the most important part--if she feels comfortable enough with me.

[Luz was pretty certain that Snow was in good hands with Rose. She wasn't the type to try and trick the girl, or even demand something from her she wasn't ready for. Rose was familiar with what that was like already].

I wouldn't say something like that aloud.

[She was serious about that].

I am, of course! I'm sure Snow'll let you know when she understands how she feels herself.

[absolutely. she knew how it felt to be trapped by Cal's unwelcome attentions and the very last thing she'd ever want to do is make anyone else feel the same way, even if it was completely unintentional]

Ugh. You're probably right.

[Rose grumbles good-naturedly]

I hope so. Both of us...our times make it difficult to express such affections. Affections at all, but this particular sort was almost unthinkable.

[Luz would never think that Rose would do that. She knew her better than that].

I really wish I wasn't, but I am.

[So much grumbling].

Which is just SO dumb. People liking the same sex has existed for a long time, why do other people have to act like it's some strange new taboo? People like whoever they like, that's the way it's always been. Shouldn't caring about each other matter more than if they one sex or another?

[she wanted to make sure she took her time and care with Snow. she'd heard about something, respecting boundaries? so she wanted to be sure she respected Snow's]

Certainly. Even though that's the very last thing I want.

[grumblegrumblegrumble]

It should matter. And even in my time, there were things such as Boston marriages and "confirmed bachelors." But they were always spoke of in askance. As though their lives somehow diminished the lives of others. It was completely absurd and entirely hateful, but it was how it was. I'm so glad that it's no longer the case.

[Luz was all about respecting boundaries (most of the time). If there was anyone that needed those boundaries respected, it was Snow. She'd certainly been through enough].

You and me both.

I wouldn't say it's no LONGER the case, just that its more accepted now. Remember, the US is a very big place, so if people want to stay miserable and bigoted around it, they can. At the very least, marriages between LGBTA people is allowed now, even if contested in some places.

[Boy, it was a good thing Luz was not from a more current time on the USA, but she still acknowledged where she thought they were doing well, and where they could be much better].

[as was Rose, now that she knew what boundaries were. the concept was entirely foreign to her, living in a society where everyone knew everyone else's business and felt free to spread it on to others. and she knew that she'd need to tread carefully with Snow, even assuming the other young woman was interested in return]

Ah. Yes, fifty states in the future. And miserable bigots can be miserable bigots by themselves on their own time. That still amazes me, though, that people were able to move from the shadows and demand they be given what should have been theirs, logically speaking.

[her first week here was attending the wedding of two men. she'd been confused at first, but that hardly seemed to matter, given how much they clearly loved one another]

[That was totally valid. Luz knew that Snow had to learn that there were flat out some people who didn't need to be a part of her living space OR had any right to how she conducted herself. For that, she also hoped that Rose and Snow would get on well, but that was entirely up to Snow].

Oh no, they now have ways to spread their hate around if they need to. It's not a good thing, but that's just the way things are in this country: you have to fight for what's precious, even if people are dead set on you not getting it!

[And then, even when you do, trying to convince you getting it was a mistake.

Aw, good! Too bad Luz missed it]!

[yes. it was often a hard lesson to learn, especially if one had been used to playing the part off the good girl, doing what she was told, by anyone who chose to tell her]

In my time, it's so...strange compared to yours. Mine, people choose to laugh behind people's backs or even to their face if they thought they could get away with it. Usually something like humiliating one's maidservant in public.

[she still wonders what had become of poor Trudy, sent off by Mother to turn the heaters in their rooms on and never seen again]

[Luz didn't know at all what that was like. Mostly.

That day with her mom sending her off to camp had been pretty bad. As much as she hated to admit it, it had hurt to feel like something was wrong with HER, that she hadn't tried hard enough, when it had come so easily in the Boiling Isles. It took her a long to time to admit to herself she wasn't this unlovable person that no one could ever get along with].

That still happens, but the gap is not as wide anymore. And now the wealth is...well, staggering, and it's easier to get away with mistreating people. But at least now there are more ways to find that out, and ways to transmit that information so everyone knows.

[Whether they would do anything about it was another thing].

[Rose had maintained her blasé attitude as much as she could. she didn't want her mother or Cal to know that they were getting to her, making her question every aspect of her life and wonder how she'd force herself to function.

but Luz was far from unlovable. she was one of the smartest, kindest, most generous of spirit people she'd ever met and she was proud to be Luz's friend]

It almost sounds as though for every step forward, there's been another one or two back. And it worries me that there's still such a huge gap between rich and poor. That can only lead to disaster. But...there's something like the network which helps?

[Luz could only imagine how hard that must have been for Rose: having to want to justify the life she wanted to live when everyone around you were basically perfectly fine with you forgoing it to live like a bird in a cage.

Rose was a much stronger person than she gave herself credit for, and Luz hoped that the longer she knew her, the more she'd be able to assist in helping her get stronger].

That's just about how things have been. You can't reform a system that's been decided by the rich easily, and there are more of them now, still running things and deciding things for us. The network helps us to understand how deep everything goes, but what we do with that information can vary.

Let's just say a part of me is perfectly fine living here.

[it hadn't been easy. she'd wanted to live life on her own terms, but everything--from her rank to her status to her needs--dictated otherwise even though marrying Cal was abhorrent.

she wasn't sure how to measure her experiences and opinions against those from other times on Earth. she tried to tell herself that she was doing fine, but telling herself and actually doing fine were two entirely separate things]

It's still not fair. It's not right. Is it asking too much for something to be fair and right in another world?

As am I. I don't...really want to leave. Even with all things considered.

[Luz had guessed those choices were pretty hard, but she understood that it was the way things were back then, when the world felt smaller and everyone was talking about everybody else. While she didn't like what happened to Rose in regard to the Titanic, she was happy Rose made it out in one piece.

She didn't have to. As far as Luz was concerned, everyone had their own thing to think about, and Rose just had to have understanding].

I agree, but maybe that's why we're here, to live that kind of life without having things that way?

You seem to be thriving mostly anyway! I'm glad that you're not miserable!

[Rose was grateful she'd made it out. it was hard to be happy in the face of so much death and the loss of Jack, but she was getting closer to it every day here. even given this place's peculiarities. and all things being equal, she could see herself potentially being happy here in the long-term.

it often seemed like the vast majority of people here had tragedy in their pasts. the important thing was to not let herself feel as though her tragedy was bigger or worse than that of others]

Perhaps. Goodness knows that the relative lack of rank here is reassuring.

[and she chuckles a little] I think you give me far too much credit. I'm doing my best. That's all anyone can ask of themselves, really.

Edited 2022-07-14 14:01 (UTC)

TEXT - Anonymous

(CW: Titanic deaths)

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(CW: period-appropriate systemic homophobia)

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Please forgive Luz feeling a little cynical!

it's understandable!

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We can probably end here, we're gonna have so many other threads!

Sure, sure! Works for me!