Deer Country Network

( CW: adults only )

[Kassandra had spent the better part of a day figuring out just how to use the Omni before doing this. She's not technologically inclined, but once she had certain things pinpointed it wasn't difficult to work out some of the basic functions. Including ill-advised videos introducing herself, though she clearly hasn't mastered the Art of the Selfie.

The video feed opens at an odd angle showing a tanned woman, thankfully right-side up, staring at it with furrowed brows. Deep in concentration for a moment more, she simply stares at the camera in silence until she seems to come to a conclusion. Nodding, the woman exhales, and finally speaks up.]

...Hello. If other people are able to hear me, please say something so I don't keep talking to a rock and wondering if it really is magic or if I am crazy.

[Her voice has a heavy Greek accent, and if her attire is any indication she is not of the modern era.]

If I am talking to a magic rock, then know that my name is Kassandra, and I am looking for my family and my crew. Men named Alexios, Nikolaos, Barnabas and Stentor...and women named Myrinne, Roxana, and Odessa. I have hope that I am not alone in being reborn in this strange land, yet I have seen no sign of them.

[There's a pause as she fiddles with the Omni one more time.]

Aletheia, if you can hear this, show yourself.

[And then the feed drops.]

THIS IS BIOLOGICAL FUCKING WARFARE.
THIS IS A COMPLETE DECONSTRUCTION OF BODILY AUTONOMY.
SOME MAY EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THIS IS AN ACTUAL HATE CRIME. FOR I, ABOVE ALL ELSE, FEEL ESPECIALLY HATED RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS A HEINOUS ACT OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER AND THERE WILL BE GREAT RETRIBUTION, MARK MY WORD.

DO NOT ASK ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT AS IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE MY DISSATISFACTION WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION TO THE WORLD AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS A VALID FORM OF PUBLIC DESPAIR. IF YOU DISAGREE I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC PLACE WHERE YOU CAN "SHOVE IT" AS THEY SAY. MY DESPAIR IS CERTIFIABLE AND THIS DEERNET PLACE IS NOW MY PARTY WHERE I CAN FUCKING CRY IF I WANT TO.

NOT THAT I AM CRYING. THAT WOULD BE FOR SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN I, WHICH I HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY WEAK AT A SINGLE MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFESPAN.

IF YOU DISLIKE IT, THEN YOU CAN FUCKING BLOCK ME AND GET OVER YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN CORNER OF THE INTERNET. EAT MY ENTIRE FUCKING BULGE. EXCEPT DO NOT. TO BE CLEAR, THAT WAS NOT A COME-ON OF ANY KIND. I WILL BURY YOU IN THE MISERABLE SANDS FROM WHICH WE HAVE BEEN REINCARNATED AND YOU WILL NOT REAWAKEN. FOR I WILL BE STANDING THERE TO CUT YOU DOWN THE MOMENT YOU OPEN YOUR EYES. SO, LITERALLY, YOU WILL NOT SEE IT AGAIN. THEORETICALLY. I CANNOT ACTUALLY TRULY ANTICIPATE THE EXACT SECOND YOU OPEN YOUR EYES BUT I WILL BE PREPARED ALL THE SAME.

*I WILL NOT BE CENSORED.*

[Appearing on screen is one Dr. Jezebel Disraeli, who looks thoroughly irritated. He also looks mildly disheveled and sickly, somehow appearing even thinner than his normal lanky appearance. Behind him, a large dog paces and whines, glancing at his owner all the while.]

So. I surely can't be the only person in this damned place who is completely unable to eat. Or eat food, rather.

If it's not the whole town, then I assume it is those who share my blood type, since that seems to determine everything around here. Vileblood, I believe I am called.

In any event: I believe I have stumbled upon a solution for those who might be afflicted.

[With pained grimace of a smile, he holds up a set of vials in his palm.]

Arsenic. Cyanide. Strychnine. All of which are deadly poisons, and all of which seem to be the only thing I can eat without wanting to promptly pass out on the spot. I imagine anyone else afflicted will be the same, since this does seem to be the sort of sick joke we would be afflicted with.

So, if anyone is in need of a poison or two, I suppose I can assist. I have a decent supply.

Before anyone asks: yes, I do have a lot of poisons.

Yes, I study poisons and made some of them myself.

No, I have not poisoned anyone in the town.

Although, believe me, I've been tempted.