( accidental omni post )

[jedies]

Obi-Wan Kenobi (38) Looking for something with no strings attached? Tired of the awkward fumbling of a person who doesn't know what they're doing? Seeking out an attentive lover who gives you all the time and energy you deserve for a lovely evening? Then look no further than Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master. General of the Republic. Known galaxy-wide as the Negotiator, he will see to your satisfaction

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Comments

[VIDEO]; UN: [USERNAME NOT SET]

[demonicbeauty]

[Ariadne knows better. She knows she should be ignoring Jedi nonsense. It only frustrates her.

But. There's something very strange going on.

And Obi-Wan is still her friend, even if Anakin is an idiot. So she pops on the network after a moment of staring at the post.]

Um...Obi-Wan? Are you all right?

( video | un: kenobi )

[jedies]

[ the feed turns on with obi-wan looking . . . well, not put out, but something shy of it. ]

Quite fine. It seems Boga had some ideas of her own.

[ his varactyl screeches in the background. ]

text | un: zing zang (private)

[spiritwalks]

[Vyng barely touches social media. Somehow, this went directly to his inbox anyway.]

hey, nice ad copy. and great abs/body 👍

Got any pictures where you're posing with a cat?
It'll make you more relatable...and fewer people will think you're cat-fishing if you've got your own already

[Because Obi-Wan clearly wanted some feedback before actually publishing this, right?]

[jedies]

I don't think I have a cat, sadly. Though I don't think that's what cat-fishing is.

[ text ]; un: tsabin

[decoyqueen]

[ The first post on this comm's network does more to distract Sabé than she expected. She does stare at the post for quite some time before setting up her username to her given name- one that no one but Padmé and Tonra knew...

Some chance for anonymity despite her heart swelling at the knowledge that Obi-Wan was not only alive, but here as well. ]

What a bold offer.

[jedies]

There's no point in being weak-willed about it.

Video UN: 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

Dude.

This is a shitty ad. You aren't going to pick up any chicks with this.

You have to tell chicks what you like.

Take me for example. I like muscle cars, Iron Eagle, Iron Eagle 2. Hot babes and cavemen.

That's how a real man sells himself.

The ain't bad. Maybe oil up a little.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan looks bemused. ]

And this always works for you?

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

Soooo, any takers yet? You must have lots of people saying yes!

[jedies]

Nothing so far, I'm afraid.

text | un: perell

[frogiturgy]

[Perell had largely been lurking on social media between naps and all but devouring every book on magic that he happened upon in the archives, but this ad was so reminiscent of something he hadn't seen in a very long time that it was hard to resist.]

Satisfaction? Are we talking about a date, or a job? That is, unless you do your negotiations... behind closed doors.

[jedies]

I have conducted those behind closed doors. I think here, it is merely an euphemism.

not here

[facultative]

[This is officially the most traumatising experience in Anakin's life. He will never be able to look at Obi-Wan ever again.]

action; okay i changed my mind here's a proper response

[facultative]

[Anakin has been slowly reading some of the responses on this with one hand over his eyes so he can cover them when it gets too much for him.

And it is frequently too much for him. Why is Obi-Wan so nonchalant about all of this? When did he even have time to do it while teaching him? And since when were they were allowed to do that?

He's fidgety when he finally approaches his master and he's making a valiant attempt at keeping a blush off his face although eye contact is beyond him at the moment.]

...I saw it.

video; un: shiro

[shiro2hero]

[ U H ]

[What. What is happening. Why is this on his feed. Oh no. This is some kind of horrible test. Or torture.]

This... uh. Is everything all right. Sir.

[jedies]

Yes, yes, not to worry. My dear girl Boga got into her head I needed to get out more, that's all.

Video | ichimonji

[expertonshutters]

Eh? Is that what this network is for? What a bold place I seem to have found myself in.

[You know, he could leave it at that, but-]

Have you considered modelling? [You know, because he’s a photographer-]

[jedies]

Me?

I hardly think I have the looks for it.

video | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

[Have Lance totally laughing for a bit there before he speaks.]

Oh man, this's great. So how are you gonna be negotiating for someone's "satisfaction"? I'm dying to know how that works.

[jedies]

That hardly seems suitable for the public. Some things should be kept under wraps.

Text -> Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[Well, it would be Obi-Wan's luck that this got posted when Maul is still all split up. So it's natural that his Love facet would answer, with first things first of course.]

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[And then the abomination himself appears, grinning like a lunatic.]

Well, if you needed companionship, all you had to do was ask.

[jedies]

[ oh boy. ]

And you think I should ask you?

video; un: jk21a

[hearuthinking]

[Jason just stares for a minute. He doesn't even know where to begin with this]

Uh. What the fuck?

[jedies]

I beg your pardon?

video; default username/unset

[tealeafs]

[ Chizuru is staring at this for so long.

So long. She's so scandalized, but in the 'super flustered' sort of way rather than the 'super angry' sort of way, at least.

And since her brain is basically going into overdrive trying to process all of this, the first thing that flies out of her mouth is instead: ]

W-What do those symbols mean?! [ IS THIS A CONTRACT. Is she stuck with it now?! ]

[jedies]

[ that is a good question. ]

I think it's to signify interest, that's all.

video; un: figaro

[extinctive]

[ figaro, if anything, is a lot more intrigued about the picture obi-wan posted. particularly: ]

MILF...? Is that what the kids are calling guys like you these days?

[jedies]

I wouldn't know, but it seems likely.

un: dragongirl

[catchatting]

No string attached, you say?

[jedies]

That is the idea. I swore an oath to the Jedi Order. It would be presumptuous of me to have another commitment.

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

damn just whip your cock out too while your at it

im sure youll be a big hit

[jedies]

if I did that, then there's no suspense. I'd be revealing it all.